AIBU to feel annoyed about school authorising wedding absences when they make such a noise about attendance when children are ill?

[Crunchyautumnleaf]

My kids secondary school are pretty hot on attendance- lots of messaging around the importance of high attendance, lots of making the kids feel really like they should stay of they go to the first aid room feeling ill. Phone calls whenever a child is off sick.

So I am just really tired confused to learn from friends that the school does seem to always authorise 3 days off to attend a wedding in this country! 2 friends were successful for actual weddings (even though one was only a few hours away) and one person I know just made up a wedding (inc a little AI created invite!) and got the time authorised

I am not one to lie so won't be trying the same, but it does really rankle when there is so much messaging making people feel guilty about genuine illness

The H code has been removed. Headteachers can only authorise for exceptional circumstances. That’s why a ‘holiday’ won’t get approved but an event with exceptional circumstances may.

It may very well have been limited transport, but I stand by that it was due to a bit of snow. It doesn't take much snow for this country to stop working. Snow seems to come as a surprise every year!

I don't really see how a wedding is an exceptional circumstance though. If you are close family surely anyone would avoid term time if they want family there. It's not like a funeral where you don't have a choice over the timing.

The Headteacher gets to decide what is an exceptional circumstance. Some will think as you do and others will think that the couple are planning an event they want and won’t realise the limitations placed on parents and guardians by schools.

It's an exceptional circumstance because most people are only going to have a parent or other relative get married once. Whereas you could arrange 10 holidays a year! It's not that complicated!

Most people only have one wedding dont they? Yet most of us go on numerous holidays. We book our own holidays, we don't pick othrt people's wedding days.

if children are ill they should stay at home. No one should feel guilty that a child can’t attend school due to illness.

Have you never got the email telling you three days off is the difference between a five and a nine at GCSEs? Because thats how ridiculous things are

My son vomited at school the SCHOOL sent him home so why did I get emails and messages telling me about how important education was and why he should really be in school? It wasn't an automatic letter it was personalised it was pathetic if they really wanted him in they shouldn't send him home and tell me not to bring him back for 48 hours

My son was authorised from primary to go from England to Wales for his sisters graduation i told my eldest sons school we were going to Wales for his sisters graduation i didn't ask they made it clear they wouldn't authorise it

Exactly. My daughter was off school for several days after an accident that took place at school that meant school knew I had had to take her to hospital where she had to stay in overnight.
I still got a long letter ticking me off and telling me how much her attendance would affect her grades.

Well if it's close enough family for it to matter whether the children are there or not I would expect them to check availability before planning the wedding.
When I got married we made sure it worked for all immediate family before we set the date

If anybody cares about the kids being there, they will be there authorised or not. If nobody cares about the kids being there, they wont go. I really can't see why it's such an issue.

its such bollocks.
my Dd ended up with a chronic health condition after catching glandular fever at school from a pupil who knew they had glandular fever but attended school because of this ridiculous attitude.

A lot of teens try and skive off by pretending to be ill. A wedding is a one off, persistent 'sickness' has more of a detrimental impact.

Oh that makes me so cross! Wow.

Lots of children also get genuinely ill.

Either missing school is a massive problem and a wedding isn't a justification
Or it isn't that bad and we should stop telling off children for having the temerity to get a chest infection/concussion etc

I know! We got granted 1 day (Friday) to fly abroad to a Saturday wedding, unsure why need 3 days for a UK wedding. As someone said, why have a midweek termtime wedding if inviting school age children. If stretched for cash, have an off season wedding, or midweek school holidays

One of ours moved schools the year I married his dad.

When we’d booked the wedding & honeymoon it was in his school holidays. The new school holidays were different so it landed in term time. It was unauthorised.

Appreciate attendance is important, but I think we should do away with the fines altogether.

No, never had anything like that. Mine are at an independent school though.

Am I the only one to be totally shocked by parents making a fake wedding invite to get authorised time off? That’s appalling. That child needs to be in school as they’re not going to learn how to be a good person at home…

(edited for typo)

It's just another version of the "stomach bug", side effects include a lovely tan. Nothing new really.

Agree. I would never lie to get time off school. But the current system is so imbalanced that I can see why people do it. I can't see why a wedding is so much more justifiable than a holiday abroad for instance.

Why do you think a wedding is the same as a holiday?

The messaging and system is unbalanced because schools and government are desperately trying to target a growing proportion of teenagers who skive or miss a lot of school and end up failing GCSEs and losing motivation and opportunities to get into further education and work.

It then becomes very difficult and expensive to get these young adults into meaningful work and protect them from lure of crime/drug use and to protect their mental health.

There's huge knock on effects for kids who miss a lot of school and schools have to prove that they are doing everything possible to nip poor attendance in the bud.

It is daft that these measures can't differentiate between normal absences and problem absences but schools would rather over react to a non-issue than under-react to an actual issue.

As patents I think we just have to be a bit impervious to it if we know our kids are fine.

Well because if it was really important to someone they wouldn't have it without checking it wasnt a big inconvenience to the people they want to be at it.

And a family holiday can be precious time together and hugely educational