AIBU to feel annoyed my dad funded a cruise but not rent help?

[CheekyRaven]

My dad is widowed and in his 80s. I asked him a year ago if he could loan my niece, his grand daughter (to my estranged brother) £1000 as she was literally on the brink of being evicted. He has the money but refused as 'I might not get it back'.
Fair enough, but she's in his will and I tried to reason that this could be part of her inheritance. He then said he was broke, he's not. I loaned her the money and she repaid me in installments.
Fast forward to now and I find that he's paid for my younger sister and her friend to go on a14 day med cruise.
I'm livid, not because I didn't get to go, but that he wouldn't loan my niece some money.
I get he can spend his money how he likes but AIBU to be annoyed?

I’ve not placed any blame, and I’m making assumptions on a reasonable interpretation of the information given i.e. that she’s an adult in need of a loan, but hasn’t gone directly to the person for that loan. I have qualified that with ‘if’ as in ‘if this is the case’.

I think it depends on what kind of relationship he has with your niece. Are they close? Does she go to see him regularly? If they have a good relationship then he’s definitely being out of order, selfish, and uncaring. He can afford it, he should have offered himself, not waited for you to ask. And if he can afford it, he should give her the money instead of loan with the little caveat that when she’s in a better financial position, she could “repay” by donating the £1000 to a local charity (I mean something like set up a £10 a month direct debit to the local food bank or women’s shelter). We have a responsibility to help family out where possible. All this “be completely independent” rubbish is why we’re all so bloody isolated!

If, however, she doesn’t have much of a relationship with him other than basic politeness and a little chat at occasional family gatherings, he’s right to not bail her out. Family relationships are a two way street. You can’t expect family loyalty and support from someone you haven’t bothered to make any effort with. It’s incredibly cheeky to expect financial support from someone you don’t see just because they’re related and they’ve got lots of money.

I’m assuming it’s the latter, she barely sees him and that you have a better relationship with her and that’s why you were happy to loan her the money.

It took me ages to type all that out as I kept getting distracted by all of the things I’m supposed to be doing so apologies if the thread has moved on! Please ignore if so!

Fed up with offspring deciding how to spend parents money. He doesn't dictate what you do with yours. Back off

Another one where op runs off because she didn’t like the answers .

Except she has paid it all back

Have you gone through life never having unexpected bills crop up. Car breaks down, you have a burglary, you are between jobs or just ridiculous stuff crops up that you have to pay even if you don’t owe anything just so it doesn’t impinge on your credit file and then you have to fight to get your money back.

Sometimes in life bills come all at once and having no one to help you through that period is scary.

It doesn’t mean you are shite with money.

Whilst the thought is you should have 6 months money in savings. If you haven’t been working that long and are also juggling rent and all the other bills that need to be paid and you haven’t had time in work to save for that back up then you can be left open to needing a temporary cash injection

But when it is only one member of the family being treated and a non family member it rather does suggest who his favourite child is

Maybe the son asked his dad for help. But only ever saw his dad giving help, money and holidays to one sister, so he walked away. The dad probably had warned his dd about asking her grandfather for anything.
Now the grand daughter knows where she stands and her dad was right.

YANBU - this seems very mean and uncaring.

There’s a disturbing amount of people on Mumsnet who think they have the right to tell the elderly what to do with their own money.

And as for mentioning inheritance, you may as well have said “Well you’ll be dead soon so it won’t matter “ 😒

Do you mean they will be dead soon and don’t care about the mess they leave behind.

Told now exh he wouldn’t get a penny from his mum and dad. He didn’t believe me.

I think what Covid’s isolation policy started, when his mother died and left everything to his brother it did push him over the edge.

He felt like they had lied to him every single day of his life.

He hasn’t spoken to his brother since and probably won’t ever again.

I’d feel exactly the same in your shoes OP.

You're "livid" that another person spent their own money as they saw fit?

How odd.

This. Absolutely this.

A cruise is a one-off expense. He probably thinks that if he gives £1000 to help the granddaughter with rent, a few months later she'll be asking for money again as she is living beyond her means.

Why is he estranged from your brother? Does he, perhaps, not see his son and his son's children as family?

Also, why were you asking and not your niece? I think that sort of a loan request ought to come directly from the person who wants the money.

Overall, though, what's the point in being angry at him? He's 80. He isn't going to change. If you don't like him, have less contact with him but anger is wasted is here.

It takes months (if social housing make that years) to get to the point of eviction so it's more than likely that niece has missed several rent payments. You don't get evicted for a one-off slip up. We don't know the full story do we but it suggests a pattern of poor decisions rather than a crisis.

Also treating your child is not the same as bailing out a grandchild imo

But you do get letters about eviction if you miss one payment. Equally there could have been a warning about getting a bad credit rating

It’s ok to say it takes months to be physically evicted but if you are young and don’t know how things work then missing one payment and the threat of eviction and getting a bad credit rating can lead to panic

Do you mean they will be dead soon and don’t care about the mess they leave behind.

No of course I don't.

I mean it comes across as "You'll be dead soon so why do you need your own money?"

Heartless and grabby.

I guess he is happy to treat his daughter but not bail out a grand daughter. Why cant the mum of your niece help her out?

YABU his money, he can do what he wants with it, however unfair it seems.
I get your frustration though, I would likely feel the same.

Stay out of it OP. You don't know what led up to your dad's refusal. And why did you ask him to loan your niece money rather than her asking him herself? Sounds like a difficult relationship.
If my family start bossing me around like this when I am 80, it's all going to the cats home.