Should I share a referral bonus with a friend I recommended?

[Minorie]

Posting here for traffic. My friend was out of work for 3 years and I managed to get her a role contracting at my company. If she gets made permanent, id be entitled to a referral bonus. Its been 2 years now and she may actually get a perm role. Do people then share it with the person or keep it for themselves?

@Tulipsayes not weird really, she went for interviews but didn't get anything. Feedback either underqualified or over. I dont think its strange, plenty of project managers/finance earn 1k a day. But the contracting market has crashed. She took on a couple of cleaning jobs in between, house sitting etc. Just whilst she looked for a job at her level.

Yes, I was job hunting 7 years ago. My friend was in work at the time.

Op it is weird for someone incredibly highly qualified to be unemployed for years and the only Opp was cleaning your mates bogs for a tenner an hour

and it is bloody weird to say you won’t help a friend with interview prep because she needs to get it entirely off her own back

and how come you never answer whether you have chatted about the bonus with your friend?

I think your friend has an odd attitude to these things to be honest!

But to answer your question, it's your bonus. When I had a similar thing (albeit with a friend who was very appreciative of the referral), I kept the bonus but took him out for a nice meal to celebrate his job. I got the bonus when we passed his 6 month probation and it was about £1k 15 years ago.

@Tulipsayes why is it weird to clean when you are trying to find a job? She has high standards and was waiting for the right role, then lost confidence as the rejections came in.

She didnt help me and kept delaying it but told me later it was because she wanted friends to help themselves, so j know I was one of them!

She said I should find out about a referral for me but I took that to mean just me, not sharing.

Exactly

apparently she refused to help the Op with interview prep…. Just imagine a “friend” doing this and then giving you a lecture about the need to do it off your own back! 😆

No Op my question was… have you had a chat about the bonus with your friend???

That simple.

your response She said I should find out about a referral for me but I took that to mean just me, not sharing. doesn’t indicate zero expectation as your said upthread

Wrong thread!

I had the same experience!

If it was supposed to be shared, the company would give half each surely?

I think the bonus is yours but taking her for a meal out would be a nice gesture.

She said I should find out about a referral for me but I took that to mean just me, not sharing

given her incredibly weird views in not helping friends even prepare for an interview because they should get it entirely off her own back, this “friend” will no doubt be of the view that the entire bonus is hers.

I predict trouble on the horizon and I suspect you know that, hence the thread.

Be strong. Keep the bonus and maybe get better friends? Just a thought. Friends that help you with a bit of interview prep when you ask.

And to have only been able to find cleaning work for less than the NMW for your friends for YEARS would indicate that she’s not quite so employable as she / you think

Keep it. I referred someone. I paid tax on the referral bonus. So it was less than what I thought. And then someone more senior said that I had recommended this guy and would be viewed as responsible if they were not up to scratch. I’d be less inclined to do it again.

Someone as weird as your friend @Minorie is definitely the type of person who will be expecting some of that bonus! Don’t give her a bean and get better friends!

Keep the bonus for yourself - the 'bonus' your friend got was a well-paid job.

You do realise that a “friend” who refuses to help you with interview preparation isn’t really a friend don’t you @Minorie ? Surely your benchmark for a friendship is higher than that?

I was referred by a friend. I didn’t even know about the bonus until I started and when I did I was delighted for her. I got the job, she got a nice bonus, everyone wins. It never crossed my mind to want any share of it.

Because you’re a nice friend

This “friend” refused to help @Minorie with the bizarre logic that no one values a job unless they get it off their own back

@Patioplant shes lovely really, she is just funny about these things. With the interview help, she delayed it by saying she could help me several weeks later, which was then too late. (I had asked for a call/review my cv). I know why she did that, its weird but I got the job anyway. I do think she realises now that was wrong because I actively helped her.

You’re making excuses

you very clearly stated others that she refused to helped you with interview prep.

can you really not see how unpleasant that is?

I applied for a job through clicking a link, turned out me getting the job meant the person who shared the link got a referral bonus. It wasn't as much as the OP, but it never occurred to me to ask for a share. After 6 months I also got the bonus for passing probation.
Infact my manager used to tell me to refer people because of the bonus, so in his mind it wasn't for sharing either

Your friend sounds like a pretty crappy friend

I can’t get my head around the idea of asking a friend for help with interview prep and her ducking out of it because she holds the utterly weird view that unless you get it off your own back - then you won’t appreciate a job.

What a fruitcake

keep the bonus and spend it on some therapy to help you have better boundaries around what a “friend” is @Minorie

You could take her out for lunch (for example) as a means of sharing the love a little bit