AIBU to use an unoccupied pool changing cubicle left full of belongings?

[Noddyslittleredcar]

Local authority pool, exclusively used for kids swimming lessons between 4 and 7. All lessons are 30 minutes, all starting and ending at the same time. 5 lessons with about 10 kids FS in each, so 50 kids. No idea how many cubicles, I'd estimate 50 but haven't counted.

Family changing rooms, so all cubicles. There are lockers and parents viewing area with chairs.

The pool periodically sends out emails telling people not to "reserve" changing room cubicles by leaving their clothes in for the duration of the lesson. Idea is the child changes and the adult takes their stuff to the viewing area. And yet, every week, almost all changing rooms have clothes, towels, bags and school book bags in them for the duration of the lesson. This means if you have to get your child changed before the lesson (like we do), there are no free spaces.

This week I went in a cubicle with stuff in it, because there were no free ones. Waiting would mean my child missed part of her lesson.

The parent shouted at me - actually shouted. "That's my changing room and you've taken it" and banging on the door. Her child was still in the water. I continued to get my child dressed, and came out - before the lesson got the children out the water. I explained she wasn't supposed to "reserve" cubicles like that. She said "it had my stuff in it".

So was I being unreasonable?

This is a weekly occurrence. They don't man the changing area so no employee to speak with, just reception and then the swim teachers who obviously can't come and police the changing rooms.

I have complained to the pool before now and an email goes out, but nothing changes.

This happened at my daughter's lessons. Fucking annoying

We only have six cubicles in our family change so it drives me mad when people ‘reserve’ them! We just go in and pass them out their things if they knock - I have a 9 year old boy and 7 year old girl who have lessons at the same time so unlike the many parents with just one child of the same gender as them I can’t go into the gendered changing rooms room with them both. Very rarely does anyone knock though - often their child has just gone into their lesson so there are children who need to get dressed from the lesson before and changed for the lesson after their child before they need back in.

Reserving cubicles is not ok, for a shower or for a full swim. Either way, I'd turf the stuff out and dump it on the floor outside.

That happens here too. I was in a place in another city and they did not tolerate that at all. If you left your stuff in a cubical it would be turfed out by staff or public and that was the norm. There were lockers and you were supposed to use them. I was trying to get them to enforce that in my local place but I was ignored. I had 3 boys and people seemed to get freaked out by little willies after a certain age so using the communal ones caused stress but all the private cubicals were full of people's bags. It drove me crazy.

Just to offer a different perspective, we have a similar situation after swimming lessons. We have LOADS of changing rooms, but some are better than others. I have two kids who swim simultaneously, so I use a family room, which is bigger. I had everything in the changing room, my eldest was changing. Then I went to collect my 4 year old from her lesson as she can't leave without an adult. Unbeknownst to me, the 9 year old popped to the toilet. When I came back, someone had locked themself in my changing room with all our possessions.
I knocked on the door, he opened it a tiny bit and said I couldn't reserve the changing room, he was using it and it was tough. He then closed the door.
At this stage, I felt really upset because he was locked in with all my kids clothes, my car keys etc.
I told him he cannot just take my changing room and it was totally unreasonable. He replied that I should stay in it at all times I am using it - I asked whether it was ok for my eldest to wet herself or a 4 year old to be unaccompanied in that case?
So, it's not always a case of hogging the changing room. My kids were in the middle of getting changed, but for 2 minutes, it was empty and looked like I'd "saved the room".
I responded angrily because I was anxious that he had all my belongings. Just remember that sometimes the reaction may be a panic reaction - or it may not always look like it seems.

Having said that, we had lessons at a previous pool with 2 showers and 6 changing rooms. About 20 kids getting in/out of the pool at once and the entitled parents ALWAYS hung their stuff up in the changing room and left it there. Drove me NUTS!

But that wasn't the case in the OP.

Don't do this in case she just went to the toilet with her child. However, if she didn't return with a child to the cubicle and still demanded it then of course you are not being unreasonable.

Also if you've gone to get one child and give them a shower and your other child has gone to the toilet (presumably either in their costume or their clothes, so not partly changed) then yes, you are reserving the changing room. And that's not on.

That doesn’t make you seem great to be honest…that’s easily as bad as leaving clothes in a cubicle, you intentionally wet other people’s stuff (likely the child having the lesson who actually didn’t do anything to slight you)

But you don't know that!

Are you for real?
No. One child has gone to the toilet. The other child has to be collected from poolside as she is 4 and has to be collected by an adult. So I went to collect her. My 9 year old popped to the toilet whilst I was gone. Are you seriously suggesting that she should pack up all of our belongings and take them with her to the toilet so she doesn't leave a changing room looking reserved for 2 minutes? Whether she had yet taken her swimsuit off or was partly dressed is pretty irrelevant. She is older and can go to the loo alone, but it's not like if she was finished, she would vacate the changing room and leave. She is in there waiting for me so she is under adult supervision.

My point was that if you walk past a changing room with stuff in it, you don't actually know what the situation is. It might not be that they have selfishly left their stuff in the room to take a shower and take their time. They may simply have had to dash to the toilet etc. Perhaps just show a little kindness to other parents who are juggling multiple kids and their needs.

I’d just put all our stuff from the locker into a cubicle, grandson aged 3 needed a wee…, came back to angry man in the cubicle saying it’s not fair… stormed out with his son… I had to go find them because he’d left his sons crocs and t shirt in the cubicle… he didn’t make any eye contact… raging he was… his son said thank you though as I handed him his belongings

Of course it makes your life easier to reserve a changing room. Weirdly, you are not the only parent with multiple kids swimming at the same time. If they are swimming at the same time as you say, and you left all the stuff to go and get your four year old out, then you reserved the room when none of you were ready to use it. For reference what you need to do is:

1. Wait for lesson to end (holding their towels if you want, other stuff in locker)
2. Collect kids, go to the shower and toilet
3. Collect stuff from locker
4. Find a changing room

It's not rocket science. And if someone calls you out on it and takes the empty changing room that you've put all your kids' stuff in then good for them - you could at least apologise and not fly off the handle about it.

That's no what happened. The kids were either all the pool or all waiting to get in the pool. The changing rooms (and toilets I had to walk past) were all empty of people, until this woman came in.

This is an excellent idea.

Or take along a carrier bag and put the cubicle stuff in it - the bag can go under the bench.

Yanbu at all and the nasty aggressive parent was being unreasonable. Well done for being assertive, you did nothing wrong.

I know exactly what you mean about the people who do this. I have looked after a village playground for decades. It's always middle-class mothers, usually with, for some reason, spaniels, who are amazed that the No Dogs sign applies to their dogs. A lot of sighing and rolling eyes when you ask them to remove the dogs.

Let me make this simple.

Child one - 9 - swims from 12.15-12.45.
Child two - 4 - swims from 12.25-12.55.
They are in different pools, so the times are staggered to prevent a bottle neck.

Child One gets out of the pool, has a shower and takes our stuff out of the locker to get a changing room. I meet her at the changing room at 12.50. I then pop back out to collect Child Two as she is too young to walk from the pool to the changing room. Child One decides this is the moment she has to run for a wee.
Obviously this isn't the ideal timing for her to leave, but she is 9 - they generally only think about the now and not the rest of the world.

I have not taken a changing room and left it for 5 minutes whilst we showered even. It was simply a moment that 1 child is having a wee and I had to leave to collect the other child.

I'm not sure what you think is appropriate in this situation - when Child One came back, she is sitting in the changing room with me. It's not like she is going to head off out of the pool area unaccompanied. Next time do I tell her its better to wee on the floor? Or do I leave my 4 year old shivering poolside wondering where her adult is because I have to pack up two bags of stuff to walk about 20 metres to collect her to walk back?

And yes, I will be upset and cross when someone has locked themselves in a room with my personal possessions.

I'm sorry, I will not back down. I have NOT reserved a changing room. I have not gone off to watch a child swim or even shower. The room was empty for 60 seconds tops. And then I get shouted at by a parent who refuses to open the door to give me access to my belongings. His response is also not OK. Take the stuff out of the changing room if you need to, but leaving my kids without their clothes whilst his son changes and eventually decides to leave the changing room again?

At nine she could've waited a few mins if you were as quick as you said 🤷

How are other parents meant to know that you were only gone for "sixty seconds"?

You're right, she could. But she didn't think she needed to.

The point I'm trying to make is that don't assume. We all need to be a bit kinder - and more tolerant of everyone around us. I find everyone is so quick to point the finger and publicly name and shame.

Most of us are just doing our best - and if we all took a minute to hear each other out, we'd learn a bit more understanding.

Not unreasonable and if only I’d been brave enough to do the same when mine were at that stage

Pile their stuff outside by lockers. They can pay to put stuff in a locker lik everyone we else. Well done OP.

Am I the only one who just gets changed in the (gendered) locker rooms rather than faffing with a cubicle?

No, I do too, but as an adolescent and teen I would have been too mortified. I can't remember how I felt about that sort of thing as a younger child, apart from I assume when I was really little I didn't care.

YANBU. This drives me mad. I take my toddler swimming once or twice a week and I hate hunting for a free changing room. I wish I was as brave as you!