AIBU to want to support our homesick young lodger a bit?

[wishiwasinbarbados]

We are empty nesters and rent out a bit of our house to a lodger.
Our house is quite big, so we don't actually see them that much (she has her own kitchen and bathroom to use).
Our lodger at the moment has moved a long way from home (N Scotland) to start her first graduate job in the South East. She is 22.

DH spoke to her yesterday and she said she was struggling with homesickness and generally felt a bit down.
I'd like to help her as she is a really lovely girl, but would that be overstepping the mark? Should we take her to the pub? Or leave her to work it out by herself/friends/family? Are we just landlords, or should we try and help? Obviously I'm not her mum, but I am a mum to my own kids both in their 20's.
I don't know what to do?

Awww, I would absolutely invite her for dinner, especially as she has said she is feeling lonely!

We had a few lodgers when I moved back home with my mum and sister for a bit after uni. They were women in their 20s/30s who just became part of the family, and we still see them regularly and even go on holiday together

I think I might ask my own kids if they want to come home for a Sun lunch, and then they can take her to the pub before, and she can join us for lunch if she wants to. (hoping she's not vegan or has other food requirements)
Surely hanging out with other 20yr olds is better that 50yr olds!!

I think I might ask my own kids if they want to come home for a Sun lunch, and then they can take her to the pub before, and she can join us for lunch if she wants to. (hoping she's not vegan or has other food requirements)
Surely hanging out with other 20yr olds is better that 50yr olds!!

You sound lovely. Moving after university can be really hard. Taking her to the pub sounds a great idea -maybe when there's a quiz or something where other young people might be there

You sound lovely. I have kids in their 20’s and I would love it if they lodged with someone like you. Pub, Sunday roast all sounds great.

What a heartwarming thread OP.

Ask if she wants any local know how re transport, shops, etc and if she does say come over at 7 for lasagne.

We used to have Students from abroad.We all nearly cried when the girl from Russia went home! Lots of sit down meals and chats .She asked me to check a Birthday card for her .Better than some English people !

You're so kind and doing all the right things. My PILs have had various lodgers and do similar. One was a Ukrainian lad separated from his wife and daughter temporarily, another was a young uni student. Both hugely valued being included in meals and occasional outings x

I thinknthats a lovely idea while she finds her feet. I like to think that I'd either of my girls were having an emotional wobble, there would be someone kind to look out for them 🖤

Hope my kids find lanlords/ladies like you

Chat about anything that comes up. Being treated as s normal likeable person will reduce her stress better than kid gloves.

I hope that if my dc are ever in her situation that they end up with someone like you.

Nothing to lose by offering.

I've recently got a lodger. She's a lovely young woman but very quiet and introverted.
She shares a kitchen with me, but has her own en suite shower room and sitting room at the top of the house.
I generally see her at breakfast before I leave for work and when she is cooking her dinner.
She loves our dog.
Tonight and several times since she moved in I have driven her to the station since our bus service is shite.
I intend to invite her out for Sunday lunch next week followed by a beach walk with the hound.

You sound lovely Op - invitation to dinner & also to the pub on Sunday is great.

I’ve got a lodger and I’m her mums age. They don’t have many local friends and is more of a home bird while I’m out 3-4 nights a week. We occasionally do stuff together, about once per month, initiated by me, such as a quiz, watch a film together, walk the dog. They will chat to me about work if they have challenges. We do have boundaries and respect each other space. I had a lovely Christmas card and present from her family thanking me for looking after their daughter. As someone said earlier if it was my child I’d like someone to keep an eye on them. Being at uni away from home can be very isolating at first so just inviting them for a drink or coffee can really make a difference. X

My parents had lodgers for many years. Some stayed a short time and then moved on, some kept themselves to themselves and some ended up part of the family. I was even a bridesmaid to one of our lodgers. I would take your lead from her. Just be warm and friendly. She has already broken the ice by mentioning that she's feeling homesick. I would ask her out for a drink with you and your husband and take it from there.

That's very kind.

Make it something like, "We're going down to the pub in about a half-hour. Would you like to join us?"

So if she doesn't want to, she can easily claim to be tired or busy. Ask her to three different things, maybe each a week apart. If she turns you down three times, don't ask again.

You can also say, "Since you're new in town, I thought you might want to glance at this schedule for the local cinema/concert hall/library."

Ah its very kind to do that. I would invite her to the pub.. where she has a chance to meet others. Lunch with you is a bit more 'parenty'. I did same with my lodger who'd moved for work..very different if its Uni.

Might be worth suggesting a social group to her? If you google girls who walk/women that walk + your local area, there’s usually a group. My local one does walks, crafts, netball etc