AIBU to feel left out by friend inviting my guest to dinner?

[mirrortoolow]

I am part of a group of six friends who all met at uni almost 10 years ago. Most of us have all stayed near uni but the other two are in other areas of the country so we only see them a couple of times a year. Of the group I am closest to one of the two who moved away. She is coming to visit us in a few weeks' time and she will be staying with me because we are close, and I own my own home whereas most of the others are living with family at the minute.
We all have a group chat on Facebook Messenger, except that one of my friends doesn't like Messenger so if you want to talk to her you have to use Instagram chat. She has had a rough time recently, including the end of a long term relationship and the loss of a close family member in a short space of time. I messaged Instagram friend to let her know that our friend was coming over to visit, in case she hadn't heard via the Messenger chat. She said that yes, she had heard, and she was planning to invite the friend round to her parents' (where she lives) home for dinner one night.
AIBU to feel a bit put out by this? Of course it's lovely that she wants to invite our friend round for dinner but she is staying with me and Instagram friend didn't say that I was also included in the dinner invite. So our friend is invited and I will be left at home that evening until she returns from Instagram friend's house. I don't know how our friend will get to her house as she is using public transport to get to my house and won't have a car. Surely I won't be expected to drive her to Instagram friend's house and drop her off, without being invited in myself? I have never been invited to Instagram friend's house for dinner so this is unique treatment for our friend coming to visit. I just feel funny about it but Instagram friend didn't seem to think it was an issue.

Do you think your visiting friend will accept if she knows you're not invited?
If I were visiting friend I would decline the invite and suggest we all went out for a meal together or something. I would happily tell insta friend that I can't accept an invite that excludes OP because it's rude.

She's not just offering a bed though? If it was just a bed then visiting friend might as well stay in a hotel. She's coming to stay with OP. I don't know about you but when I have a friend to stay I keep the time free to spend with that friend, I plan things for us to do etc - if my visitor then told me actually I'm going out on X day without you so see ya I'd find it so rude.
It's very different if the set up is genuinely 'stay at my place as a base and I'll see you some of the time' but that is not what OP has described!

Would IG friend feel obliged to invite the whole friendship group if she invites you as well? Maybe she just wants to catch up with the friend who she doesn't see much. I really don't think it's that weird.

Are you inviting insta friend to your house when your other friend is here?

Does your visitor know about the invitation yet @mirrortoolow? Do you think an invitation has been actually extended to her yet?

If I were feeling really petty I'd arrange fun things to do on every evening so when insta does invite guest she'll have to decline 😁

Could you say to your friend rather than those two meet at instagrams friends house would instagram friend want to come to yours for the evening instead ?

Inevitably in a group some people are closer to each other than others. That’s life. I think it’s ok. But you shouldn’t be expected to give her a lift. If someone was staying with me, I would be delighted if they went off for one evening and left me alone!

You could invite one of the other 6 over that evening

Does instagram friend assume you will be coming too but didn’t explicitly say it because she saw it as a given? Very odd behaviour otherwise.

Maybe she's thinking it will be nice for you to have a break from each other?
Maybe she doesn't feel she can ask her parents to accommodate more than one guest.
Maybe she finds it easier socialising 1 on 1. (I do)

This.

Rude behaviour.
But pretty wild if she expects you to drop and collect her.
If I was your visiting friend I would know not to accept suchban invitation.

I think it's a bit rude to you (unless you've got the wrong end of the stick and you are invited) but not hugely so.

Insta friend lives with parents so while she can get away with bringing one occasional guest for a family dinner, two or more might be a bit much.

You and visiting friend are besties, perhaps she'll feel like the third wheel in her own home if you're there too.
If the others in the group know three of you are meeting up, they might start clamouring for a while group night out instead and someone will have the hassle of arranging that.
You'll get to have an evening off from hosting to do something else or just enjoy your own company- you might appreciate that more than you're expecting.

I agree with don't facilitate it with lifts etc if it doesn't suit and especially if you're feeling a bit stung. Arrange to be doing something else and have an early night. You aren't a taxi service and it defeats the object of having a night off if you're having to zip around for someone else's social life.

See the op hasn’t clarified if she’s inviting insta friend to hers, then if she is, I agree it’s rude, but if she’s not, I can’t see the difference as they are both doing the same thing, inviting this woman to their house and not inviting others.

People are allowed individual relationships within the group. I find one on one time with friends/family so much more fulfilling and it really irks me when people invite themselves along or get annoyed they weren’t invited to something. It doesn’t mean I like them any less but sometimes you just want that quality time, It’s nothing personal. As this other friend lives far away she won’t get much opportunity to do this with her. I don’t think she’s being rude at all.

What an overreaction

I wouldn’t have an issue with this. If IF is living with her parents it might be difficult to invite more than one friend round at a time, and in any case there’s nothing wrong with them having a 121 catch up. You’ll already be having a long 121 catch up with the friend that’s staying with you.

I would go so far as to be the bigger person and give her a lift there and back. Surely you’d rather be Kind Friend than Jealous Friend?

Pin this to the top of every thread.

I remember a thread on here recently about how some people on here had a harder time maintaining friendships than relationships, it's becoming clear that one of the reasons is rhe Byzatine rules that people on here make up that they expect their friends to follow lest the be declared traitors.

I think they’re both being rude. I would not accept an invitation from a mutual friend that excluded my hosting friend when I was staying in their home and I would not dream of asking a guest at another friend’s house and exclude them. How odd of them both.

I would not offer a lift and would not feel the need to make other plans to look busy so I’m unavailable for a lift either. If guest asked for a lift (they’d have to be bloody hard faced surely!), I’d just say you’re just going to get cosy and don’t want to be in and out. I would certainly not act as chauffeur for something I was excluded from!

This, 100%.

I think she has thought she's being thoughtful and not leaving you out intentionally!
Maybe be a little bolder and just say. I assume the invitation is for me as well or maybe we can all go out that night so she can see everyone,,? Whatever suits ?

I think you should make plans that evening so that you are not around to give a lift.

Assuming your friend accepts the invitation.

I think you should make plans that evening so that you are not around to give a lift.

Assuming your friend accepts the invitation.

Big difference IMO that the OP is having her to stay.
Anyway, I would be out and make my own plans for the evening if its clear I am not invited.
I would not be taxi for the evening.