AIBU to tell my daughter to report a flatmate's mother?

[Boxingshibes]

Dd went to university a couple of weeks ago. She is setting in well and likes her flatmates.
Unfortunately there seems to be a problem with one of them. She is an international student and her mum came over to help settle her in, all fine.
BUT
The mum is still there, sleeping in the same room as the daughter.
The rest of them are getting increasingly annoyed as she's just there and as she doesn't speak any English it's difficult to ask what her plans are.
When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights.
Its been 2 weeks!
I've told them to go to student housing/ welfare and say something. Maybe they can do something?
Surely at the very least it's a safety issue if there was a fire or something as this woman isn't supposed to be there?
The rest of them dont want to get this girl and her mum into trouble but if the mums visa runs out surely that's worse?
I know I can't do anything but how do I get through to dd?

Live where ?

Ring the halls manager or speak to student services. You can do this yourself to take away any concerns your daughter may have about dobbing her in. It’s a terrible intrusion and not what any of the young students have signed up for.

Yes maybe. Anyway, I wasn’t saying that this mum might not understand that she can’t be there. I was just pointing out that the cultural difference gives insight into her wanting to be there in such a mad way.
& of course yes it’s even worse behaviour from her if she does understand the rules! 👍
If I was a mad protective clingy mum like that, I would totally be going out of my way to be polite and not impact on the other girls. The fact that this woman has been so rude to them is terrible.

You’d be surprised. It isn’t a huge issue for me as I teach English Lit but some colleagues in politics for example have students (usually from China) who can’t speak one single word of English. They don’t engage in seminars because they can’t and they just sit there watching shit on their laptops. Uni’s are strapped for cash so will take anyone it seems. I guess they cheat on their IELTS.

Tell the Halls warden.

yes might be weird for sure but
i think if the mum is helping her settling in and being there for her daughter that might take more than two weeks and she will eventually go. Two weeks is nothing for settling in.
The mum shouldn't have anything to do with the other girls and if she interferes with them or anything they are doing that is wrong and she needs to be spoken about that and stop.
They need to tell the girl or the mother this.
She shouldn't be shouting at them either.

How utterly bizarre, the room can't be that big! I work at a University in Scotland and have seen the rooms in residence and they certainly don't fit two people to live harmoniously. Although I agree you should be letting your daughter and her other flatmates lead on dealing with this, I'd probably still be "that mum" and get in touch with the ResLife team to report this. You're paying a lot of money for the University experience for your child and this live in parent is ruining it.

I've read all your posts and I mentioned it to my older brother, who (before he retired) worked as the manager of some of the blocks of student accommodation at a large university.

He said they must tell accommodation NOW - she should not be there and must not be given any leeway of "she has to leave by the weekend). This is absolutely inappropriate and it can even result in the student herself being ejected if it goes on.

Could you ring the halls manager/student housing officer or whoever is responsible and ask directly
Are mothers allowed to stay in a students room for two weeks?
if they say no, then
Well there is one staying in flat x, I trust you will remove them immediately

You are correct. There's massive cheating on this test and a lot of students fetching up at British universities with little to no English. My youngest niece is doing business studies and had to do a group project with one such student - he obviously did nothing but got a good grade based on the others' work. They complained but it came to nothing because money talks.

If she’s from China, it makes sense for her to stay for a couple of weeks. It’s an long way for a weekend

hopefully, she will bugger off soon

Yes - in a HOTEL, not in the students' accommodation.

That’s what hotels are for. The contract explicitly says 2 nights of visitors per week, so over 3 weeks, that’s 6 nights, not 21 nights. It’s in the contract.

They should ask the girl when the mum is leaving. Remind her of the no overnight guest rules. If she's leaving in a couple days/1 week then wait. If it's longer or she doesn't then tell the building management. But they need to tell the girl first that they're doing that and she risks being kicked out.
It makes no odds whether it's her mum, her boyfriend, King Charles or a homeless person she picked up from the town square. They're not paying and they're not a tenant so can't be there.

They did ask. She won’t answer.

@bananaobama Then she can stay in a hotel

Or an air bnb, or a hostel, or a rented room…there are lots of options.

Then she should have booked a nearby hotel, like I would have done if our child was travelling for university.

I think the Halls of Residence management need ro k ow about this asap. Its an insurance issue if nothing else and as others have saod, she is adversely affecting yiur child's own very expensive experience, which you presumably are paying for.

My older child did Business Mgt at a RG uni and 50% of the course were from China and did not interact with the UK kids at all, whcih surprised me. There were still plenty of people for DC to be friends with on the course, but he found it annoying when he was randomly allocated a group project with some of the Chinese students as they refused ro meet up in person for a coffee or in the library to discuss the project and insisted on doing it all over zoom, even though they were living in the same student village. I am surprised that so many dont mix at all.

If asking for a final time heeds a wall of silence then I guess it's straight to management. I bet if she moves they'll try the exact same thing somewhere else!

The dd and flatmates should tell the student housing manager. After all, if someone has a problem with a fellow passenger on a plane, say, the advice is always to speak to the cabin crew, rather than try to deal with it yourself.

It doesn’t make a difference whether this mother is from China or Leamington Spa. It’s a person who should not be there. What if everyone had their mother/father/brother in their room?

A similar situation happened during my second year at Uni. I moved in with 4 girls, one had gotten engaged over the summer. I had a permanent long time boyfriend and so did another girl, and one was single. The other one we never ever saw (she was literally the invisible woman!)
Engaged flatmate brings her fiancé round a few times, has a couple sleepovers, whatever all good.
Then he starts hanging round all the time, waiting for our friend in our flat, with spare keys that she had claimed to the office she had lost hers and given the “spares” to her fiance.
He would sit in our living room all day, football turned up LOUD, screaming at the TV, chopping between channels and stuffing in food. Not her food - everyone’s food. He would raid the fridge and the cupboards, make sandwiches, moan about the lack of his favourite condiments, leave a massive mess and just expect us to deal with it.
We tried talking to her; we got told he was kicked out of his flat for non payment and was looking for somewhere to live, so in the meantime, he was living with her. We said no, it’s against our contract (3 nights per week max, visitors signed in and out, escorted by someone with a key etc) and he would have to go. She protested, but that weekend they had both left.
To a hotel. For the weekend.
I came home on the Monday and found he had eaten a loaf of bread and my leftovers which were my meals for the week! Another girl came in and found he had eaten all her protein bars that were specially prescribed by the GP. He was sat on the sofa, shouting and swearing at the TV, volume up so loud we could hear it 4 rooms away.
Me and the other girl went straight to the main office and told them about him. They asked us to gather what we needed to be able to stay in a hotel that evening, and to warn the other girl, which we did.
I don’t know too many details but when I arrived back on the Tuesday, her room was back to bare, no sign of the fiancé and no sign of the girl either. The housing office issued us with new keys and new key fobs too.
To put a final nail in the girls coffin, she got married at 20 years of age and was divorced in 6 months. Funnily enough he still doesn’t have a job or a flat…(social media is great for things like that)
I would suggest she sees housing now rather than later, they will have a protocol and they have duty of care to ensure the safety of their residents.

Dd did a taster week at a top name London university and on the basis of that decided no way would she go there or to any other London university. Majority of them course were Chinese who would not interact at all despite the efforts of lecturers and other non Chinese students.

I would report now. Its absolutely unacceptable - but I would get your DD to report herself.

It doesn’t need a scene it just needs your dd to email accommodation services and if there is someone on site to speak to them too. eg Room 6 Flat 2 block C has had her mother living in her room for 14 nights. The mum is shouting at us and stopping us using the cooker. Please can accommodation services deal with this. They will.

Dont tell me you are unawareof the thousands who enter the uk legally and then don't go back as planned, disappearing into the black economy living and working under the radar.