Aibu husband lending money without telling me

[CuriosityKilledStephenTheCat]

Me and my husband have a joint account. All money goes in there.
We do struggle at times (doesn't everyone right now?) The past week ive literally been using the money self check outs to pay for things with ten pences thats how skint I am.
Got paid today then need to wait to get paid in a weeks time. Didn't get much just enough to wangle a small food shop but enough for us.

Only to find out half way through the supermarket we have less to spend as dh has leant money out without even bothering to ask me. 😡

Aibu to see this as a massive breach of trust? He says it doesn't matter we will get it back in a couple of weeks and that he didnt put anything in the trolley so its evened out. I am going without things like razors etc just make means end (be fine next month had a big expense this month!) I just feel so angry and disappointed.

Gosh his bountiful attitude would make my blood boil.

Im glad you’re taking steps to curb it and rebuilding your own private funds. Keep quiet about how much you build up in your savings. From what you’ve intimated, sounds like you might need your “run away” fund.

Frankly I’d also be having a non-confrontational chat with the borrower, emphasizing you really need to have the £££ refunded asap and explain a bit about why.

Suggest they don’t ask again because money at present is tight for everyone.

Tweek your finances differently.
Yes, you need to be more cautious until you build up a new buffer.
Maybe DH is a visual learner. Write down the finances; help him understand the incomings and outgoings.

How is this in any way helpful? You have £60, have a medal.

Based on this, I think you definitely should him to get the money back.

Or he can get an overdraft or borrow the money. You shouldn't do without food.

Honestly OP, I would be taking all of his frozen dinners out of the freezer and donating them to someone. Let's see how desperate he will be when his food and his comfort are affected and there is no money to buy what HE needs. What a selfish arse.

In that case you should probably transfer the £60 to OP to help her out this month?

To be honest, I would be VERY worried about money if I couldn’t help out a family member to the extent of 60 quid…..

Does he do his own food shop? If it’s you that shops for everyone, I wouldn’t buy him anything. Just buy food for you and your children.

You have a joint bank account, which means you both have access to that money. As it's a joint account, your husband should be discussing the fact a relative has asked him to borrow £60, with you. It's not just 'his' money sitting in the bank account, it's a collective 'ours'. Therefore any money taken out, beyond normal expenditure, needs to be discussed, as it's a joint decision. That goes both ways, if you wanted to do the same, then you discuss it with your husband.

Your husband is lending money to relatives, that he can't actually afford to lend. That's pure stupidity and puts your own finances at risk. Never lend money out that you can't afford to lose! He's banking on that person repaying him in a couple of weeks. What if that relative doesn't? He's then lost £60.

OP, don't pay your salary into a joint account any longer. Open up your own account. Your husband clearly can't be trusted to protect your finances, and is putting lending money to relatives ahead of your own.

You both need a conversation and to go through your joint finances, because you are clearly struggling to manage.

Sounds like he’s one of those performative doers of good deeds.

He did a worse bad deed to you while dispensing loans of your money with largesse, to people he wanted to impress.

I think she is.