AIBU for wanting space after my husband got an unexpected X call?

[Chromeheartsx]

Husband and I have had very rocky few years. We have sorted everything out. (Both in the wrong at various different points)

we are moving next month and this week was stressful with solicitors and chasing ect…I recently gave up smoking and I’m so proud of myself but I feel like I could easily go and buy a box 😩

lovely evening chilling on the sofa and he gets a call from the app X (twitter) some random foreign name. Automatically told me what he used this app for and said what the hell why is someone calling me. (I looked it up and it’s common) I just got so pissed off because it brought back a lot of trauma. I made him sleep downstairs because I just knew I wouldn’t be able to relax with him next to me. I didn’t really want to talk about it and hear him out as he tried to blame me for getting annoyed about it and i shut it down. I don’t really know what the point of this post is but am I being unreasonable for wanting to be by myself and having space?

Please don't take the replies from those who don't read OP updates seriously, the rest of us understand.

Listen to me me me

seriously, people can have different opinions.

Different opinions 👍
uninformed opinions 👎.

@Chromeheartsx so he must have messaged someone or they must have messaged him in order to call - I’d be highly suspicious, too.

Yes but trust takes time to build up. Without understanding and changed behaviours trust can't build having been in a similar situation, it didn't build back up overnight but what did help is when he recognised I may be being unreasonable because I said I'm still IN the marriage but my body can't get over the trauma. And gave me space to heal without blaming me. Granted sleeping on the sofa for us wasn't part of the healing because I knew I couldn't also keep punishing behaviour up.

Sounds like that call triggered some deep seated trauma for you, with such a strong reaction in your body. Not unreasonable to want space, that's your body trying to keep you safe. I would sit with that feeling and try to unpick where you have had that reaction before (you probably already know). Triggers can happen when you least expect it, you're under a lot of stress - quitting smoking, moving house, relationship issues. Then, if you can, talk it through with your husband (if you don't feel able, look into trying therapy). If you're wanted a fresh start with your husband, working through this with him may bring you closer. Good luck.

The fact he had a six month emotional affair with your ex best friend would be enough for me to go. Trust your instincts, they will be 100% correct

Just seen your updates, understandable why you're feeling like you are. Ignore the people who are giving you flack, some comments are harsh.

I've been stalked, mainly by phonecall many years ago and things like this can freak me out. Just spam callers, randoms, automated messages, even something legit Im not expecting. So if it's triggering because of that I kind of get it.

But it's not your husband's fault he got a scam call.
If you do actually have viable reasons to believe this call was from someone your husband is being unfaithful with, then you need to consider why you're with a cheat you don't trust.

Dh used to have a teen boy as an apprentice who worked with him. One day he came in all excited to show them all the emails he was getting from ‘hot girls in your area.’ 😂 He truly didn’t realise it was just phishing attempts. He thought women were actually trying to contact him for sex. This sounds like the same sort of thing. No one is legit communicating through bloody X. If he was messaging with sex workers or whatever, it would be via WhatsApp or Kik or something similar. No one who actually knows you is going to dodgy call you through X. They’d have your actual contact information.

I’d be most embarrassed he’s even using X though. Does anyone who isn’t a right wing conspiracy theorist even go on there anymore? It’s a cesspit of fake news. But not really where people meet other people.

Wow. That's very unkind..

I think she's even more on the edge than normal because of giving up smoking, I know that affects people badly.

She has a history with him being emotionally (& I think probably physically) unfaithful and having spent time apart than got back together thought she had been able to put it behind her but it's not always that easy.

Hey, can only get a phone call via X (Twitter) if he has previously had contact with that person so it is not just a spam call.

Now she has been able to see who he is following and who is following him she's even more suspicious and less happy about the situation.

Unless you have been there yourself, you'll never know how wrenching it is, even a long time later when you think you have got past it.

My advice to her would be to leave him because you never really do get past it and you don't want to live the rest of your life like this.

There was absolutely no need for your unkind post

How fucking odd.

I think that’s very normal, tbh. It might seem like an overreaction from the outside but I’ve been there (gotten back together after cheating) and the fact is that even if you’re both moving on, the slate is never clean. You’ll always have this reaction.

It might not be where real people meet real people, but I expect plenty of men meet plenty of sex workers on there

Well, that adds a lot to the discussion.

You could've just scrolled on by.

So you punished him for something he had no control over?
Wow! You need help OP and fast!
And dont be surprised if he's reflected on this and no longer prepared to put up with this shit....

I don't get it. Yes you sound unreasonable. You need to learn to articulate your feelings and worries it sounds like to me. He got punished for what I don't know.

You said your friend who he emotionally cheated on you with told him things you did behind his back? Did you cheat on him then?

I think the way you phrased your question has resulted in the vote going the way it has. It now looks like your husband has been texting (texting?) another woman. Have you discussed this with him? What does he say? If you are sure this is what it is and it's a deal breaker for you (not unreasonable) I'd let your sale go through but cancel the purchase. This is the perfect opportunity to make a fresh start.

Oh no... so sorry, OP. I just changed my vote, for what it's worth.

Good luck with everything. At least however hard it is, it won't be as hard as a lifetime with a cheater.