Kids having to rank their LEAST favourite classmates?

[SwizzlesTwizzles]

My DD is in year 3 and this morning she told me that yesterday everyone in the class was asked to write down the three children they most like to play with, and the three children they least like to play with. They were given a list of each child's peg number and they were told to write down the number rather than the name. I don't know the purpose of this but last time they had to say their top 3 friends it was because they were mixing the classes up. I can see a purpose for having to write down your best friends, maybe it's for mixing up the seating arrangements or something. But I can't see what a good reason might be to make them all list their least favourite kids! Yes they didn't write names but every kid knows their own number, it wouldn't ensure confidentiality. I can also imagine the potential for whispering, asking their friends who they put down, and it seems counterproductive to good class relations to ask kids to think about and cement in their heads which kids they like least. DD told me which kids she put down, and it's the 3 who have SEN. I wonder if they appear on a lot of the lists and it makes me very sad to think about. I certainly don't like the idea that there might have been kids yesterday who wrote down my DD as one of their least favourite classmates and gave that to the teacher! Should I email the school about this?

If they are constantly changing there is little point in capturing their besties and worsties is there?

I note also your assumption that the teacher "would" have done things appropriately. Its a big mistake to confuse what professional should do with what every professional actually does.

You don't need to spend break time with children to see the dynamics of a young class with you five days a week throughout each term. As for the Yr 3 child accepting "consequences" of discussing this completely unscientific practice - they are children, children talk, the adult in the room should take responsibility for the consequences of using unproven and outdated practices instead of using their professional skills and experience.

100% agree with this. Even with set seating, teachers can observe dynamics within PE lessons, school trips, get feedback from lunch staff, have 1 non core lesson where can chose who sits with who.

Punishing children for the mistakes of adults as a 'consequence', is the opposite of empathy and kindness. We have to model the behaviour we want to see in children, not just tell them to do something and expect them to blindly follow.

I’d go to the teacher directly @SwizzlesTwizzles and ask them why this done…
of course kids will ask each other who they put, it has also brought to the forefront of their minds something they might not have even thought about before… kids will tell the least popular ones that they were everyone’s least favourite…
I also think a good teacher will be able to see from observations who are the least popular kids.. it’s not rocket science.. they’re the kids who always get picked last, and stand on their own at break times!!
This is mean and unnecessarily and yes I’d complain.
The poster saying she did this as teacher and it some how helped… what batshit… how about just do your job and observe kids!

So bloody weird. I don’t know what schools are thinking of sometimes. They’re professionals in that setting but come up with the stupidest, most bizarre suggestions at times. I mean, great for the kids who everyone puts in the bottom three.

You do realise that the children have no idea who comes top or bottom ? They might guess , but a skilled teacher will ensure everyone thinks they’ve been nominated by a couple of people - but will use the results to try and enhance friendships/ social skills of those who appear to have no friends.

I’m almost sixty and I can still remember our
teacher in year six having a popularity poll. It was absolutely horrible. Her reading out the top three boy and girl in reverse order. I’m assuming this was anonymous and the children weren’t subjected to the results?

I imagine not given they were asked to write down peg numbers and not names

I don't think it is age appropriate and could cause drama and make them all feel unsettled. Some of them are bound to get in a muddle about the peg numbers and that would mean it wasn't correct information anyway. They also change their mind a lot at this age.

That's awful.

I'm assuming the teacher. Will not be sharing this stuff with the class but using the information to seat kids and group kids. And try to help some struggling with friends and look out for bullying behaviour.

I can see the potential benefits of this for the teacher but I don't think that we should be doing this to the children. At that age they are going to discuss who they've put down and use it against each other. The potential for harm is huge.

The teachers are trained adults who should be working out the dynamics of the class through their own observations, discussion with colleagues and perhaps some discreet questions. I do get that schools are under pressure but the children shouldn't be filling in gaps.

Hello. I am really interested in this. What CAN be done by teachers and parents for kids that lack social belonging?

Absolutely, this happens too much in school as it is (children having to do the jobs thst teachers and other class staff should be doing)

Me "Please can my daughter sit next to someone who doesn't keep distracting her"
Teacher "No, that child needs help with their maths and your daughter is good and maths and need to keep helping them"
Me "but she is staying in at break to finish her own work as she is spending so much time helping X, and loosing out on time to socialise and burn energy"
Teacher "well no one else has the patience your daughter has so I can't move her"

Children are not mini adults! I doubt most adults would put up with being pinched, pushed, sworn at, stuff broken. But somehow we expect children to be more patient, have more empathy, more self control (at not sharing what they wrote on who they like least) than adults - it's ridiculous.

Tbh I wish my daughter's teacher would ask them who they like the least so she can stop ending up sat next to the annoying, violent kid who disrupts her all day long.

I'm not going to comment on the exercise but I think teachers can very much missing lonely and quiet children and don't always pick up on social dynamics.

I have had my daughter crying every day about not wanting to go to school because no one played with her. I spoke to her teacher who told me she is always playing with loads of people and told me all about how all the girls had been sat on their coats playing a game. I spoke to my daughter and she said she had sat next to these girls as her friends wouldn't play with her and she didn't know what to do. She sat next to them hoping they would integrate her into their game but didn't. I few more conversations found that the times that the teacher classed her as "playing with lots of children" was her stood on the periphery of a game played by others. I definitely see my self in my daughter in that I didn't have any friends until my a levels I had people I was a person that drifted on the edge of social circles. I imagine I wouldn't have come up on either list.

It was particularly difficult at lunchtime so they then got the lunchtime minders to start some games and activities to help ensure those on the edge of social circles a chance to be included.

I have had conversations with parents where one parent tells me how child X loves playing with child Y and have child Ys parents telling me how much their child hates playing with X because they are too bossy when playing

The teacher asking them the question wouldn't make any difference to this. My daughter asks the teacher if she can please move to a different seat away from this child. I ask her. She knows it's a problem, but has decided that my daughter is the child 'most able to handle it' in the class.

Your daughters teacher knows that she has sat your child next to the challenging child. And has decided for whatever reason that this is the easiest option, as I'm guessing your daughter doesn't loudly make a fuss about it.

It took my daughter failing a test (she is very bright) for the teacher to notice the impact on her and finally move her. The emotional impact was clearly meaningless, it took an academic impact for them to take notice

Oh trust me, she does absolutely make a fuss about it! Where does it end though if he works his way round everyone as they all make a fuss? Just seems to always settle on being next to her.

I was being somewhat facetious, I know it wouldn't result in anything - am just sick of it happening!