To ask for your best responses to ‘gender disappointment’

[notaurewhatusername]

How do you deal with other people's gender disappointment? I recently announced my pregnancy, it's two of the same gender, and some of the comments I've had are wild. "Are you upset you didn't get the other one?" "Oh I was hoping you'd have one of each!" "Are you okay with not having a boy/girl?"

I've only told a handful of people, so for this many to be openly commenting feels really weird to me.

The funny thing is I'm actually happy they're the same gender, it was my preference! But now I'm starting to wonder if there's something I should know that should make me less happy about it?

And what if I actually was struggling with it? Do people really think they're helping by saying this stuff? Why is pregnancy and having kids the one area where people think they can get away with being so rude?

Has anyone got any good replies to basically tell them to f off (politely 😂) when they come out with this?

I think it’s different when it’s twins.

Sorry I’ve made it really unclear I’m not having twins, but the second baby which I’m expecting is same gender as our first!

'Are you disappointed it's another boy?'

'WHAAAAAAAT?! 😱 I gave birth to a girl last week, they've given me the wrong baby. ARGHHHHHH!' Then run off screaming.

@Abstainingwe didn’t with our first but this time around figured we don’t really need surprises and need to plan!!

😂😂😂

This.

why?

”I’ve just won the lottery!”

”Are you disappointed?”

””Of course I’m fucking not, did you hear the words that came out of my mouth, why would it even occur to ask if I’m fucking disappointed you absolute tool”

It’s not small talk, it’s just a bit mental.

Usually say "Don't you mean biological sex?"

Google Gender.

After 6 cycles of fertility drugs and 3 rounds (including 5 transfers) of IVF then gender disappointment seems like a luxury to me! We are perfectly happy with girls and no boys (people ask would my husband like to see play football with his children -he hates football more than me so no!)

Even before having fertility issues l thought the whole gender disappoint thing was rather pathetic and cringey. There is always a 50/50 chance

Exactly this!!! It’s really crazy

How so?

When it’s girls, there’s sometimes a sexist undercurrent of, “your husband must be disappointed not to have a son”.

I think it’s an insensitive and impertinent comment whether it’s girls or boys.

I think the same with boys , it’s like oh the mom must be upset she won’t be able to dress them up in frilly dresses and go on spa days 🙄

Tell them you actually did a naked rain dance and cast a spell in order to get the genders you have

😂😂😂

I didn’t find out the gender of any of my three pregnancies.
After I had two baby boys I was pregnant for a third time people were saying stuff like “hopefully it will be a girl” or “let’s hope it’s a girl!” “I’m praying for a girl for you” and “you’ll be so disappointed now if it’s a third boy” When actually I was feeling so lucky to be having a surprise healthy third pregnancy at the age of 43. (It was a third boy in the end and I was delighted)
people will say anything ! My advice would be don’t tell anyone whether you’re having boys or girls and don’t tell them what names you’re thinking of- because you invite opinions and judgement.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

part of me wishes I never bothered finding out as I think people would be more aware to make such comments after baby is here!

I also find it shocking these comments often come from those who have children so understand how anxiety ridden the journey can be, or maybe they had smooth journeys so take for granted it’ll the health of a baby

My mother made a few comments but I just said I wanted a healthy baby and didn’t care what sex it was. She didn’t say anything else. No one else was so insensitive as to say anything. My DH already had two boys and was hoping for a girl but he felt the same as me. My SIL burst into tears however - she had three boys herself - which was weird because if I’d had a girl she wouldn’t have had much of a relationship with her as we rarely saw them. Anyhoo long awaited girl did arrive 20 months later. And yes I did get a ‘boys are best’ comment then from someone who really should have known better! Just say you are happy and then ignore.

What someone asks me something stupid or insensitive, I always respond with "how do you mean?". It gives them an opportunity to think about what they've just said and I enjoy watching them squirm.

You’re not over sensitive…..people are dicks. You are pregnant with twins, how wonderful 🥰

People say the stupidest stuff. I think generally they are just making conversation and not really thinking before opening their mouths.

I would ho either something bland as a reply:

• oh yes, DS is really looking forward to having a baby brother
• Yes it's lucky I can reuse so many outfits (tbh I reused a lot of DS's outfits for DD but accuracy isn't so important)

And then move on to something else. As the asker if they have siblings/if they get on well etc and are what they come out with?

You could try "God, no, don't worry. I'm not that uptight." which is only rude to those who are thinking it's a bad thing to have two of the same.

I agree with you, rude and crazy. I would say ‘are you for real?’ and look at them as if you’re not sure they’re being serious.

I know exactly how you feel. Years of infertility and three mcs - and PIL were hinting at whether we’d be disappointed with another DS, because they were.

I stayed cheery and made comments along the lines of ‘ we’ll be happy whatever we have, and no child of ours will be a disappointment’ . After one time when MIL was persistent and I was coming close to losing my rag, I went further and hinted that anyone who thought the baby was a disappointment would not be seeing him much. It stopped then.