AIBU to think dsis should juts take the answer NO the first time and stop bothering people?

[Treelins]

I’ll try to be as concise as possible and I’ve changed a few key details so not to be outings. I have and older sister who has 3 adult kids, one of whom has severe ASD and learning disability (Paula 30)

I also have my own DC one who has SEN but not to that degree (teenager) so last year I offered to have Pula for tea a couple of times as she said she’d like to come here. I picked her up then dropped her back off at home and the dropping off it a two hour round trip I I live an hour away. I said she could sleep one night too as I want to help out a bit, even though Paula has two other sisters and grandparents, so my DSIS asked if she could stay here a few weeks after my offer, so I said yes. She offered to take my DC for the day but I never heard anything ever again about that! but I didn’t ask.

A coupe of weeks ago DSIS asked if I could have Pula for another sleepover as she wasn’t keen on going to her grandparents for a week and would prefer to come here (sis and bil going on holiday for a week and Paula didn’t want to go) so I said no initially but she asked about a different day so I said ok. Then this morning she’s asked if I can have her again next week for a sleepover as they’re going out! I said no as I felt I was getting hemmed in to a corner and something that I thought was helpful is going to tiel in to something expected. I said no as it difficult through the week and gave my reasons but DSIS wouldn’t take no for an answer and asked if Paula could come in the half term and I said no again as it’s my partners big birthday and we’re going away so I can’t commit to that and she asked for a different day and I said no now I feel a bit shit but also angry she’s put me in this situation.

It’s not an emergency, she also has other options but Paula doesn’t want to go to her siblings house. I feel like I’m getting primed and she’s going to start asking me more frequently and I don’t want to do it as it’s too much especially as I have my owne chidl with SEN. I’m also annoyed that she said she’d take my DC but never did. Feels like I ages her an inch and she’s taking a mile and she only gets in touch when she wants something.

I have nipped it in the bud but why the fuck do people think it’s ok to badger and continue to ask when they’ve been told no. and way am I left feeling bad? When I know logically she’s out of order.

Eee god I hate people like this, who won’t take no for an answer, they know you don’t want to do it but they’re too selfish to accept it. Had a few clingy friends in my time who continually want you to leave your own house and go to theirs, you say no and they continue to persuade knowing fine well they wouldn’t want to leave their home and make the effort to come to mine. Just keep saying no and don’t initiate contact with her for anything, I mean she may be family but what joy is she bringing you. Be selfish like her and protect your own peace,

At this stage Op if I were you I just wouldn’t reply to her messages. She is a taker and has no consideration for you at all. She thinks she has found a chink in your armour and she’s just going to keep chipping away. It sounds like she has a very full life anyway and as you say it’s not like she has no support. Just don’t engage!

The first sleep over was last year but I didn’t offer again as I’d given rise to my side of the bargain by offering a sleepover. DSIS asked last week for a second one which I did then she’s asked for a third next week

so as it stands… you have got very cross that you had her over for…

1 sleepover last year
then nothing more and no request for you to have her on a sleepover over

then almost a year later she asks you for a second sleepover, you say no, she suggests a different day, you say yes

and now she’s asked for a third.

So to be clear… as it stands Paula has had 2 sleepovers at your house over the course of a year?

Weekly??? You have had her sleepover twice in a year.

Twice for tea and a two hour round trip to take her home PLUS 2 sleepovers and sis requesting a 3rd sleepover so 5 times here with me in a year and….:

A) I don’t want to do it and don’t have to justify it

B) the offer hasn’t been reciprocated once!!! Utterly cheeky!

Why do you think I should be a mug? You must be like my sister as she clearly thinks being cheeky is the way to be

But in terms of where she has asked you rather than you have invited…..

you asked around for dinner
you invited the first sleepover

so she has asked you for a second sleepover a year later. And you obliged albeit not happily

and now she’s asked for another

yes?

Calm down @Treelins . I am asking questions not calling you a mug.

Got to love MN, the only place the OP is wrong for refusing to be an unpaid carer when it suits a family member who doesn’t contact them unless they want something!!

Invited for tea twice and a 2 hour round trip from me to take her home

Then 2 sleepovers (though I only offered one but said yea to a second) and a 3rd requested by my sis for the week after and I say no as I feel I’m being taken for a mug as I and I’m in the wrong 😳🫪

Epitome of this site. Just incase you forgot, my DC has SEN too and would love to go with my sis somewhere but that’s conveniently been forgotten about……. But I’m in the wrong….. OK then

Meanwhile in the real world people are like ‘Your sis is taking advantage and the piss. It’s not on to use people l’

Over and out.

You seem to struggle with processing so seems unfair to continue

I offered 2 times for tea as I wanted to be nice.

I said she could have a sleepover, though never offered a date as felt it would be too much but that’s on me so when sis asked for a specific date for sleepover I agreed.

I never offered again as it was too much and a year later sis asked if DN could come for a 2nd sleepover. Yes it was a year later but in that year she’s hardly made contact and never taken my DC out as she promised.

So I begrudgingly agreed to 2 sleepover but it was hard work and she asked for a 3rd the week after and I think that’s far too much and taking the piss under the circumstances, not following through with taking my DC (who was excited to go but nothing came of it) and not getting in contact with me unless it’s for her own needs.

Utterly cheeky of you when I have a child with SEN as stated so don’t use that as insults.

When you reply to an OP it’s advisable to read all of their replies before you make judgement and respond otherwise you look sillly. You’re offended by my response but no wonder if you’ve not bothered reading my previous replies!!

She was responding to another poster who said that she (that other poster) would always have her nieces and nephews over every week for sleepovers and thought that was fine.

OP was responding that she thought weekly sleepovers was unusual.

She never once said that her sister was asking her to have her niece weekly.

Sometimes it helps to read the quote that the OP is actually replying to!

Why would you want someone to have your kids that you clearly don’t like @Treelins ?

and that’s all you get from this thread? That’s your input? 🙄

You and your sister don’t seem close at all - not emotionally and not geographically.

So just a firm no if you don’t want to do it. And then crack on with your day.