AIBU to still regret getting a 2:1 instead of a first?

[onedayillmoveon]

It’s been 10 years since I graduated from university and I still can’t shake off the regret that I got a 2:1 and not a first. I know that a 2:1 is perfectly fine for the vast majority of jobs and nothing to be ashamed of, my more and more people have gotten firsts for the past 20 years or so. When I graduated in 2016, about 33% of humanities graduates from my uni got firsts. I just felt so stupid, incapable, inadequate….. I know people say that grades and numbers can’t define us, but I sort of did let it.

I still can’t shake off this horrible regret that I didn’t get one. I got a high first in my second year and was so pleased, I genuinely loved my subject and had applied myself. In my final year (which largely determines degree class where I went), I became quite depressed and stressed. I could never focus and never really adequately prepared for my exams. I just can’t stop wishing that I had pulled myself together in some way.

Some of you, if you read this far, might think, “well if you have a decent job, nobody gives a damn what degree you got”, and yes, fair. Yet there are certain supposedly ‘elite’ jobs where a first is strongly preferred, and I think not getting one ruined my chances of those.

Anyway, if anyone else has ever felt the same way, or knows someone who does, and wants to share ideas or experiences, maybe that will be helpful.

You can’t become a barrister because daddy pulled some strings 😆

So basically you're now trying to define "cohort" to mean "people in a comparable graduate bracket" -- which is to say, you've moved the goalposts to guarantee that you are average by definition.

I think you might still be depressed. It sounds as though you don't like your job or yourself very much, but don't know where to start in order to fix that. I don't think you actually want any of these high flying jobs - but you do want to fantasise about this perfect, unobtainable other life. I think you find it easier to say 'I could have had that - but it's too late now' than to take the big scary leap of saying do 'What can I do now? What risks do I need to take?'

I'm not saying this to give you another thing to punish yourself for. I think you should forgive yourself for not being perfect, and then I think you should get some therapy and give yourself space to find something you enjoy, whether that be a career or a meaningful hobby. By space I mean several years of trying new things in a low stakes way, rather than insisting to yourself that you should have a perfect life plan and start following it immediately.

Yes you can. He had friends in Chambers who took her on. She would have any help required to jump through the relevant hoops.

@Aluna have you always been aelf
employed?

But to actually quality as a barrister…. Daddy’s contacts would have done squat all.

And if she wasn’t good at her job… she wouldn’t last long being a barrister no matter how relevant daddy was

I hope you’re right. I did worry about her clients. It was early on when I spoke to her, so hopefully she didn’t last.

He's definitely not full of himself at all. He's an inner-city comp kid who's just academic. He's a surfer & a drummer- that tells you a lot, Mr laid-back, not in the spotlight.

He's applying now for roles next August (goes travelling in Jan) & it's hard work: some don't even get back to acknowledge application after loads of time & effort. Any tips I can pass on?

I have a first from many, many years ago.
Nobody knows or cares.

I admitted it during a relevant conversation with my best friend a while ago but I think that she is the only person in the world who knows other than me.

I went into a career which was unrelated and can honestly say it made no difference to my life whatsoever.

Languages

How does someone who got a 3rd win cases?

@Wingwalk Languages degree 😂 There are lots of historians and classicists at the bar…

Did you say already? Did you stay for the master's at Cambridge?

When was this? Recently?

No, lots of 2:2s were given in the 80s and 90s, grade inflation hadn’t happened yet.

I haven’t posted loads on here - this is my first post about my degree and career. You must be confusing me with someone else?

I do see what you’re saying but having a first is important for lots of sets at the Bar, which is what I thought I wanted to do some years back.

What do you want to do now?

I couldn’t afford to do another undergraduate degree. My masters did help me personally, but then during my GDL, many of the other students (and some barristers who came to do outreach events at the uni) said that the undergraduate degree was the most important.

I don’t enjoy feeling stuck, no. I decided to go into teaching because it’s a career you can get into quickly and I needed a stable job with a salary.

In the longer term I’m not sure, but for the near future I want to stay in teaching and give it a decent go.

TBF being a teacher pays okay at the start, but like the hours are long, the kids behave like crap and the progression ain't the best

Many of those introverted students will be getting firsts though.

I hope you enjoy it - stranger things have happened. I think doing nothing is the worst thing for your confidence. You need to heal - to forgive yourself.

I have a senior role in finance and work with a lot of corporate lawyers and most don’t have a first. I’m not aware of any grad scheme that states a first is required. If you didn’t even apply for the jobs you wanted you didn’t give yourself a shot. It’s not your qualification that’s stopping you.

I went to an average university, not the red brick type. Spent 3 years eating cheesy chips, hanging out with my then boyfriend & not overly applying myself resulting in a 2:2. I’ve had a career spanning 20 years & now earn much more than the vast majority of my friends!