AIBU to still regret getting a 2:1 instead of a first?

[onedayillmoveon]

It’s been 10 years since I graduated from university and I still can’t shake off the regret that I got a 2:1 and not a first. I know that a 2:1 is perfectly fine for the vast majority of jobs and nothing to be ashamed of, my more and more people have gotten firsts for the past 20 years or so. When I graduated in 2016, about 33% of humanities graduates from my uni got firsts. I just felt so stupid, incapable, inadequate….. I know people say that grades and numbers can’t define us, but I sort of did let it.

I still can’t shake off this horrible regret that I didn’t get one. I got a high first in my second year and was so pleased, I genuinely loved my subject and had applied myself. In my final year (which largely determines degree class where I went), I became quite depressed and stressed. I could never focus and never really adequately prepared for my exams. I just can’t stop wishing that I had pulled myself together in some way.

Some of you, if you read this far, might think, “well if you have a decent job, nobody gives a damn what degree you got”, and yes, fair. Yet there are certain supposedly ‘elite’ jobs where a first is strongly preferred, and I think not getting one ruined my chances of those.

Anyway, if anyone else has ever felt the same way, or knows someone who does, and wants to share ideas or experiences, maybe that will be helpful.

Indeed it is. But it’s not ok to still be unreasonably bothered about it 10 years later and using it as an excuse for not moving forward and refusing to accept that it’s not because she “only” has a 2:1 from Cambridge, a degree and classification which will not in itself hold her back from anything

Who paid for all your further studies for the last decade @onedayillmoveon ? And your parents have been fully financially supporting you given this teaching job is your first job?

As said up thread, this OP has posted many many many times on Mumsnet. This isn’t straightforward. The OP is quite isolated and has never really branched out. No friends, no social life, never had a partner etc

Well I’m the same person then as now, my academic abilities haven’t really changed other than get a bit worse. I know where I am now, as I did then. What you would say is not relevant.

It’s not the end of the world if some posters misinterpreted the comments but arguing the toss over it is not a very interesting discussion is it?

You’ve got yourself in a right twist on this thread @Aluna . Why not just say - I should have clarified I only meant average to my cohort and not the population in general

I think it’s ok to feel how she feels. The question is why and how to work through it.

Perhaps it’s easier for OP to say “My degree wasn’t good enough” than “I don’t think a corporate environment would suit me”.

I did though didn’t I several pages back. But some posters want to argue the toss about it.

Because you didn’t leave it there. You tried to fudge it by saying about your current group is all from Cambridge etc etc and that’s what you meant and well - it got a bit silly

Employers might also be put off by hypocrisy and lack of self-awareness.

What current group? I’ve never said my “current group is all from Cambridge.”

It’s not me who didn’t leave it, people went on and on…we’ve had several posters like you jumping on to have a go who we’re not even part of the original discussion.

Have they in your case? I run my own business..

What would like me to say?

And by people who find it impossible to admit they made a mistake.

But did you try an apply for it anyway?

If you didn’t apply you’ll never know.

YABU. If you’d have wanted to work in finance or law you could have worked for less prestigious firms and worked your way up. There are no industries where everyone has a 1st.

Hello
Would gently suggest you go on the BACP website and find somebody with whom you can professionally discuss this with, in person.
Your grief sounds very real and it's such a pity because the world is very beautiful and much, much bigger than this regret you are currently dealing with.

And what mistake do you feel I’ve made?

You made the mistake of insisting that everyone who gets a first is completely unsociable but I’m not still wanging on about that pages later. It’s nonsense but that’s ok.

Indeed

I’m still in that cohort of people who went to Cambridge in the early 90s. I was average among them then and I still am now.

Makes sense

Exactly, I’m still friends with people I was at Cambridge with, but that’s nowhere near the same as saying “my current group is all from Cambridge.”

Thanks for the feedback, it's a gift!😊

I’m still waiting, with bated breath, for the revelation of my “mistake.”

It is a very long time since I got my degree - I got a 2:2 mainly because I threw myself into all the musical opportunities that uni presented me with and which have enhanced my life long term.

I can honestly say that no employer has ever even asked about it and it certainly did not hold me back in any way.

So…. You are presumably surrounded by many many many people who did not go to Cambridge, and would have been at school.

So when you said you were are are average - you should have clarified you meant - when I was at Cambridge for 3 years of my life many moons ago

It's under "Show quote history".

Also, @Aluna , even if you're only talking about the cohort at your own university, claiming that you are of average intelligence and yet got a first (putting you in the top 18% of that cohort) is at best insulting to the work ethic of your peers; again, another red flag for an employer.