AIBU to still regret getting a 2:1 instead of a first?

[onedayillmoveon]

It’s been 10 years since I graduated from university and I still can’t shake off the regret that I got a 2:1 and not a first. I know that a 2:1 is perfectly fine for the vast majority of jobs and nothing to be ashamed of, my more and more people have gotten firsts for the past 20 years or so. When I graduated in 2016, about 33% of humanities graduates from my uni got firsts. I just felt so stupid, incapable, inadequate….. I know people say that grades and numbers can’t define us, but I sort of did let it.

I still can’t shake off this horrible regret that I didn’t get one. I got a high first in my second year and was so pleased, I genuinely loved my subject and had applied myself. In my final year (which largely determines degree class where I went), I became quite depressed and stressed. I could never focus and never really adequately prepared for my exams. I just can’t stop wishing that I had pulled myself together in some way.

Some of you, if you read this far, might think, “well if you have a decent job, nobody gives a damn what degree you got”, and yes, fair. Yet there are certain supposedly ‘elite’ jobs where a first is strongly preferred, and I think not getting one ruined my chances of those.

Anyway, if anyone else has ever felt the same way, or knows someone who does, and wants to share ideas or experiences, maybe that will be helpful.

This - I am the same. No one even knows except my mum as I’d sound a bit wanky going round talking about it!! It wouldn’t necessarily give you the happiness you imagine.

Regret is for things you could have done differently. The “in some way” in your “pulled myself together in some way” suggests you still don’t know how you could have done anything differently. So it’s like saying “I wish I was taller, I wish I had grown a bit more in some way”. Stop beating yourself up about it.

Yeah you definitely don’t need to be clever to get a first from Oxbridge 🤣.

I imagine you are a bit smarter than ‘average at best’ but perhaps lacking insight and living in a Oxbridge vibe bubble you consider normal.

It was what everyone at the time saw when they were at Uni - of you didn't see it in the 80s and 90s maybe you were part of the people who didn't interact either?

People who got firsts did not behave as part of the crowd - I'll say it again because it seems to never sink in, employers do not want the cleverest if they cannot connect with people.

They want clever people who have strong interpersonal skills - that has always been the case and it is becoming more and more important and when you have someone struggling to find a job despite having an absolutely amazing academic record and they complain that other people who got jobs were favourites or it was nepotism or some other nonsense - mostly it's a lack of connection they have made - poor interpersonal skills - a lack of knowing what's important in the workplace and the higher their grade the more likely they are to feel this is the most important factor in recruitment and it is not.

People like to work with people who like to work with people and schools for too long have not been directed to help students to develop and understand the importance of people skills because it has all been about exam results and league tables.

I can understand, and sympathise even, but you are BU. In the 1970s, a First was extremely rare. In 1977, just one was awarded across the Social Sciences faculty at Bristol.

Edited to add, not to me!

I missed out on my first choice of university because I slacked off revising for my A-levels and didn't get the required grades. I felt embarrassed and useless and ended up not going to uni at all. I still kicked myself mentally well into adulthood. I think I stopped when my older DC started looking at universities and I saw how my perspective has changed Vs the time in my life when everything was concentrated on getting into uni.

Nope I was and still am very sociable. These stereotypes are completely off the point.

Not disputing that there are some very introverted students who focus entirely on work but they’re not necessarily getting firsts.

I meant average for my cohort, I thought that was obvious.

In what world would an employer see people who got the best grades and think "damn these people are damn useless they did too well"

A 2:1 then and now is a great thing. But what employer sees someone who achieves above and beyond most do and think "damn they don't have what we need"

Economist Jason Tarsh, writing in the Employment Gazette in 1990 using graduate-employment data from the 1980s, examined exactly this idea.

He found that First-class graduates had consistently very low unemployment and wrote that this countered the claim that employers were wary of Firsts because they were “too academic” or lacked personal skills.

No it wasn't - but it shows that live in a bit of a bubble when you think it was.

You need to move on and stop dwelling on the past. It is what it is. Unless you're willing/able to go back to Uni to try to get a First, you have to just accept what you got. Presumably you've now got a job/profession/career? Would having a First have made a difference? Lots of employers aren't bothered if you have at least a 2:1 or sometimes even a 2:2. Look forward rather than backwards.

It doesn't matter that you were sociable - lived experience of Uni in 80 & 90s was that people who got firsts were not sociable and there are always exceptions - hence why employers who also had that lived experience did not recruit them over a person with 2-1 - interpersonal skills matter more than the first. I'm struggling to see why you don't understand this.

OP not many people can say they went to Cambridge for UG. Let alone successfully complete a degree program

A 1981 survey asked graduate recruiters what degree class they preferred. 9% specifically preferred Firsts, 49% preferred a First or 2:1, 19% accepted a 2:2 or above, and 23% expressed no preference. Crucially, none expressed a positive preference for lower classifications over higher ones.

Why are people just blatantly making things up?

OP, have you watched the Gilmore Girls? I think you have a lot of similarities with Rory.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time but agree with everyone else that it's not the degree holding you back, it's your self esteem.

I hope you get some help and start to see that you are worthy

I doubt it. My 2.1 is my lowest academic achievement (which I put down to a hard degree of Maths that I actually regret choosing). I thought it would bother me more than it does, but it got me into my ‘glitzy high paying’ current role (partner at Big 4 accounting firm). And I’ve flown through my career, won awards, been headhunted and walked into every job I’ve wanted despite not having a first.

My degree was 14 years ago and I barely think about it, other than to wish I’d been better guided to find a degree subject I loved and was passionate about learning about (which was Maths at A Level but absolutely was not at degree).

OP please take pride in that you're a Cambridge graduate.

Well clearly I didn’t mean average for the country, I wouldn’t have thought it was that abstruse.

I ended up in a sector for which a degree is not required, so I am in no kind of bubble.

What do you do?

In what world would an employer see people who got the best grades and think "damn these people are damn useless they did too well"

The world of the 1980s/90s when firsts were rare as rocking horse shit.

I'd would have thought I'd spotted a gem and someone of extreme calibre

Assumptions eh? We should have all known you were referring to your little Oxford group.

Did you do much recruitment in the 80s and 90s?

Property.

I was talking about Cambridge as a whole.

In my little “bubble” one got a triple first and one got a third. Swings and roundabouts…

Anyway back to the OP.