Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD’s dad has taken her overseas and won’t bring her back

395 replies

CherryMummy1 · 10/09/2026 21:01

Me and my DD’s (6 years old) dad have been separated for 4 years. He had DD last weekend and has taken her overseas (he had her passport) and has moved overseas (America) with her and won’t bring her back! I had no idea that he was planning to do this! He has obviously been planning it for a while as he would have had to get Visa’s and plan his move to America and so on. He texted me on Saturday morning while he had DD saying that he was at the airport and that he was moving to America for work and that he was taking DD with him and wouldn’t bring her back! He hasn’t answered any of my calls or messages since. I’m going insane worrying about my DD. I’ve been absolutely in bits since, I’m an absolute wreck and can’t stop crying and worrying about my DD and just want her home with me! I’m DD’s primary parent so can’t imagine how scared and upset she must be feeling without me! The police here in the UK won’t do anything as they are saying her dad also has parental responsibility like me so there’s nothing they can do. Social services are refusing to get involved as well. AIBU to think that the police and authorities should be doing more to get my DD home? I’m absolutely in bits and can’t stop crying over it all! I’m furious and livid with her dad too, I’m absolutely raging at him with anger for doing this

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
PleaseDontTreadOnTheDaisies · 10/09/2026 21:18

Oh god, every mum's worst nightmare. You need specialist legal help, but I believe there are charities/groups with women who have gone/are going through the same thing.
If he has gone to the US, they are part of the Hague Convention - so you are in a better position than if he'd gone off to Dubai or similar.
You will want to find out as much information as you can - such as where he's flown to, where he's working, living etc.
What an evil man, taking a 6yr old away from the primary-caring Mum.

hotmumshit · 10/09/2026 21:19

So its been almost 5 days without her?

Can you go to the press, op?

Get your ducks in a row (completely delete your online presence, political party support etc) and take it to social media? Tiktok would be a great app for spreading the word, I would call out the police, his company and the embassies on social media with photos of your child. She is a missing person atp op

Visit your MP in person tomorrow morning if poss?

Sorry, what did the embassies say? X

Clearinguptheclutter · 10/09/2026 21:19

As pp suggested I don’t see how he could have legitimately got a visa for her. Perhaps she is on a tourist visa? Which will run out

I really hope someone can help this doesn’t sound right at all

thequeenoftarts · 10/09/2026 21:19

If you know the business name he works for, contact the police station closest to them and tell them he has abducted a minor British citizen without your consent and you need him arrested and her returned home to the UK

sodoffbeforemycupofcoff · 10/09/2026 21:20

I am so sorry. Can you track him any way? Have you contacted the airport to find out if it is definitely US he has taken her? Contact the British embassy perhaps? Contact the American police GO ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND GET THIS SPREAD WORLD WIDE. Power of social media. I’m sure they the other parent can only take them for 21 days without it being classed as abduction. Good luck, Op

Cadeaukatze · 10/09/2026 21:20

How did he even get her out of the UK - or into the US? I thought you needed a permission letter from the other parent? Has he forged it?

AnotherDelphinium · 10/09/2026 21:22

Last weekend?! Gah!

If this ever happens to anyone else, contact the airports immediately with regards to a suspected kidnap, and if you knew where he was heading, contact those too!

It’s a lot easier to stop before they’ve left or been admitted into a country.

holkhamhighkicks · 10/09/2026 21:22

Aydel · 10/09/2026 21:12

Is he American? Because if your DD needed a visa, I’m sure they would have asked for both parents’ permission to take her out of the country before issuing a visa.

This. When I took son on holiday to the US I needed a letter from his dad saying he gave permission.

ThatCyanJoker · 10/09/2026 21:22

What a despicable thing for your ex to do.
No advice I’m afraid. Can you contact your ex’s family member(s) to find out more? Can you alert the equivalent of our Social Services in New York and raise a safeguarding? Sending you strength.

VanCleefArpels · 10/09/2026 21:22

Could he have secretly applied for a US passport for her?

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 10/09/2026 21:23

Yes, this sounds like international parental child abduction.

Please do not accept the response that “he has parental responsibility too, therefore there is nothing anyone can do.” Parental responsibility does not give one parent the automatic right to permanently remove a child from the UK and relocate her overseas without the consent of the other parent with parental responsibility or permission from the court.

I have unfortunately had experience of my own child being withheld from me by her father, although mine remained in the UK, and my strongest advice is to stop trying to reason with him and start creating a very clear legal and evidential trail immediately.

Screenshot and save absolutely everything, particularly the message where he says he is at the airport, is moving to America and will not be bringing your daughter back. Save your call logs, messages, flight information if you know it, passport details, his US address/employer if known, details of any relatives there and anything showing where your daughter normally lives, goes to school and has her life here.

Contact a specialist family solicitor urgently and specifically tell them that this is an international child abduction / Hague Convention case involving a six-year-old child habitually resident in England who has been removed to the USA without your consent. Those exact facts matter. I would not wait for a normal family-law appointment several weeks away.

I would also contact Reunite International Child Abduction Centre and the UK Central Authority for international child abduction. The USA and UK operate the Hague Convention, which exists specifically to deal with children being wrongfully removed from or retained away from the country in which they normally live.

Go back to the police as well and ask for the matter to be recorded specifically as suspected international parental child abduction, rather than simply a disagreement between two parents. Having parental responsibility does not make an unauthorised permanent removal abroad automatically lawful. Ask for an incident/crime reference and, if necessary, ask for the matter to be reviewed by a supervisor.

If you already have a Child Arrangements Order, take a copy of that straight to your solicitor and the police. If the order says your daughter lives with you, or sets out her time with her father, that is obviously extremely important. Even without an order, however, you should still get specialist advice urgently.

I would also contact her school tomorrow morning and tell them exactly what has happened so there is a contemporaneous record that she has been removed unexpectedly and has not simply changed schools with your agreement.

Please try not to send him angry or threatening messages, however understandable your anger is. Keep anything you send short, calm and child-focused: that you do not consent to your daughter relocating to the USA, you require her immediate return, and you want confirmation that she is safe and where she is staying. Everything could potentially end up before a court.

And please act quickly. Hague Convention proceedings are specifically about returning a child to the country of their habitual residence so that longer-term parenting disputes can be decided there. This is not something I would leave for social services to resolve.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I remember the absolute panic of not knowing whether my own daughter was going to be returned to me, and that was without her having been taken to another country. Get specialist legal help immediately and keep pushing this as an international child-abduction matter rather than allowing it to be dismissed as “both parents have PR”.

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 10/09/2026 21:24

Do you have any contact with his family?

Who's going to look after her whilst he's working?

SkyLark79 · 10/09/2026 21:24

Oh goodness this is awful. I’m so so sorry 😔 I really hope you’re able to get the relevant authorities in motion as it sounds like abduction to me, regardless of his parental rights, and even without a court order x

Toastietoastie · 10/09/2026 21:26

I'm so sorry OP, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. Your ex-husband has no regard for your daughter and the effect this will evidently have on her. Yes he's her dad but what he has done is totally cruel.

I hope you can get help from others posts. Would contacting his employer help at all?

Sending love and strength

Gengha · 10/09/2026 21:26

Oh my god what a fucking bastard

I hope the lawyer can help x

hotmumshit · 10/09/2026 21:27

I'm sat here livid for you. Youre not alone op x

Gengha · 10/09/2026 21:28

Have you contacted your MP?

InterIgnis · 10/09/2026 21:31

“Under INA Section 301(g), a child born to one U.S. citizen parent and one alien parent acquires citizenship automatically at birth if the U.S. citizen parent was physically present in the United States or one of its outlying possessions for a total of five years prior to the child's birth, including at least two years of physical presence after the parent's 14th birthday (the five years are not required to be continuous).”

If this applies to your ex, then your child is also a dual citizen. He could have, likely did, easily obtained the passport she was entitled to.

https://www.uscis.gov/citizenship/learn-about-citizenship/i-am-the-child-of-a-us-citizen

BlazenWeights · 10/09/2026 21:32

Contact his employer. Smear them if they refuse to cooperate. Social media immediately!

AliceMcK · 10/09/2026 21:32

I’m so sorry for this. I’m not an expert but solicitor, Hague convention and press sound right to me. I’d be kicking up the biggest fuss, have his face spread in us press, name his employer and shame them for enabling him even if they haven’t done willingly.

I think you need to apply and get full custody before The Hague convention kicks in.

Limeandfigs · 10/09/2026 21:32

thequeenoftarts · 10/09/2026 21:19

If you know the business name he works for, contact the police station closest to them and tell them he has abducted a minor British citizen without your consent and you need him arrested and her returned home to the UK

This isn't how the police work. You can't just ring them up and ask that they arrest someone.

Ignore this OP. Get a bloody good solicitor and talk to some of the excellent resources other posters have signposted.

Everything crossed for you!

CherryMummy1 · 10/09/2026 21:32

InterIgnis · 10/09/2026 21:31

“Under INA Section 301(g), a child born to one U.S. citizen parent and one alien parent acquires citizenship automatically at birth if the U.S. citizen parent was physically present in the United States or one of its outlying possessions for a total of five years prior to the child's birth, including at least two years of physical presence after the parent's 14th birthday (the five years are not required to be continuous).”

If this applies to your ex, then your child is also a dual citizen. He could have, likely did, easily obtained the passport she was entitled to.

https://www.uscis.gov/citizenship/learn-about-citizenship/i-am-the-child-of-a-us-citizen

Edited

Her dad had lived in the UK for 8 years prior to her birth?

OP posts:
Ralstan · 10/09/2026 21:32

go over there and get her back? that's what i would do if you are getting no help from the authorities. Why on earth did he have her passport

Livingoverseas123 · 10/09/2026 21:33

Both UK and USA are signatories to the Hague Convention. This basically says that if there is a child custody dispute the child must be returned to their place of usual residence for the dispute to be resolved. In this case the child must be returned to UK.

Your solicitor needs to lodge an immediate request with the courts.

I am surprised your ex has obtained a US residence visa for the child given that you also have parental responsibility. Assuming you did not sign anything this would appear to have been obtained by fraud.

CherryMummy1 · 10/09/2026 21:33

Gengha · 10/09/2026 21:28

Have you contacted your MP?

I’m going to follow up with my MP again tomorrow, I’ll try and phone their office too

OP posts: