Is this a normal work arrangement or a massive red flag?

[henryric]

Okay, I'm writing this a bit differently because it's not that I don't trust my wife. I do. But sometimes I feel like trust is one thing, and trusting another person's intentions is something completely different.

My wife and I are both 44. We've been married for a long time, have three teenagers, and have a very good marriage. There aren't any problems between us. I work in PE, so I completely understand that meeting clients, travelling for work, going out for dinners, etc. is normal.

My wife works in the art world. She owns a gallery and has quite a lot of international clients, so travelling abroad for work isn’t unusual for her either. The issue is a new client she met around six months ago. He’s very wealthy and has now offered her what sounds like a very lucrative arrangement.

He wants her to travel with him for about a month through France and Italy, and then spend another two weeks in the US, staying at his home. The purpose is apparently for him to buy artwork, attend auctions and have my wife assist him with the art side of things.
He's offering her a very large amount of money for this.

However, there are also NDAs involved. Some of the arrangements apparently have to remain completely confidential including certain things about what they buy, where they stay, etc. And apparently she wouldn’t even be allowed to tell me some of those details.

That last part is what makes me uncomfortable. I'm not worried that my wife is going to cheat on me. I genuinely trust her and I know her well. My concern is more about the situation itself and this man's intentions. He’s essentially asking my wife, whom he has only known for around six months, to travel internationally with him for six weeks, stay at his private home for two weeks, and keep certain details secret even from her husband all for a substantial amount of money.

Maybe I’m being overly cautious. Maybe this is completely normal in the high-l end art world and I’m simply unfamiliar with that side of it.

But my instinct is to tell my wife to reject the offer. Would you consider this a reasonable professional opportunity with normal confidentiality requirements, or would you also find the whole arrangement a bit strange and uncomfortable?

Sounds well dodgy. I wouldn't do it. Why is your wife so keen? Surely therr are more straightforward ways to make money and further her career.

surely you just sign an NDA too so you know where your wife is.

what is the film where a millionaire tells a husband he’s going to buy his wife?

I’m not one to jump to “MN fantasists yet again”, but, with respect, you don’t sound like a mid-40s PE professional (presumably partner or investment director?).

Leaving that aside, and assuming any of this true, if the “money is real” even to a PE partner, then it’s obviously too good to turn down, so you’re going to have to find some way to get comfortable with it. 5% commission? Come on, your wife would be mad to turn down potentially millions of pounds for a few weeks’ work, and you know it.

I’ve read it before too. Think the OP saw photos of his wife with the man in question, and the man had his arm around her waist.

I wouldn’t be happy in your shoes, OP.

Why can’t you be part of the NDA? You will likely need to sign as well but then you will know where your wife is. Surely she can negotiate?

I wouldn't want my partner to do this but I think it's more of a personal call. I don't think it's likely she'd be in danger, it's probably just to do with client confidentiality.

Sorry totally unrelated but I couldn’t work out why working as a PE teacher meant you travelled or went for dinner with clients misses the point

but in answer to your question, I wouldn’t feel safe as a woman in this situation and I would want my husband to be privy to my whereabouts/hotels/room numbers etc

@WoesFromAuntFloon your unrelated point, I think they meant Private Equity as opposed to a PE teacher

FFS, you again?

Private Equity

No just you.

Read it thinking I’ve read similar here before too.

and recently - like this year.

OP - NDAs usually cover being able to say where you are and who with. What’s been brought and what exhibition you’re at etc. they don’t usually extend to being able to speak to someone by phone or even video chat. Could she negotiate teams calls withe the set background and so it’s only her face you see and not the background?
Mu ds does a lot of work under NDAs as he a computer programmer. He can tell me he’s working on something for the military so visiting a base (somewhere!) but no info further than that. It is difficult (he was 18 when he started doing this) and as a parent it made me feel worried he was vulnerable. But it’s actually been ok.

I think you mean advise and not tell.

Interesting similar story in the "similar stories" below.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5558213-should-i-take-this-3-week-work-opportunity-considering-everything-going-on-at-home

What was the advice when you posted this exact scenario a few weeks back?

Cross posted!

I think it is. And he didn't go home when his father-in-law died, but made it back for the funeral then was shunned by his wife and her family.

YANBU to find this weird and difficult and so on.

I would want regular contact...

YABU to TELL her she can't take the job because YOU don't like it.

You seem to assume she will be alone with him in this house... that is not the case, she will be in a staffed house, the chances of her being alone with him at any point are pretty much nil, there will be PA's and security and all sorts, all over the place.

I once had the weirdest dog training job ever - advising several PA's and housekeepers, and the mystery client, on how to source, train and manage a pedigree breed dog across several households and private jet flights. They needed a breed that suited several locations climates, and various other criteria, and I was their remote dog-expert for the first year of that process/acquisition etc. I never did find out who they were but have my suspicions! I did get occasional photos of said dog in luxury locations though.

Would the client allow you to sign an NDA too so she can FaceTime daily and you can be assured of her safety ?

I think the suggestion that you are allowed to know where she is but also sign an NDA sounds like it might work? Otherwise, what if there was an accident or something? I can understand the whole what they buy being confidential.

Is the amount of money being offered mortgage paying off territory?

I reckon they're meeting dodgy folk and buying stolen masterpieces. Some Rsnoirs have just been stolen in France. Still it could make a fair plot for a mystery type novel. .

Are you the poster who was thinking of relocating to NY for a year? Hope you sorted things out ( sorry don’t mean to derail your thread ).

I wouldn’t be happy about this either tbh but you can’t stop her

This. I wouldn't feel comfortable staying in someone's home regardless of how big the property is. He's a business acquaintance and it's just not appropriate.

He can obviously afford a hotel for her! There is no need for her to be in his private home.

There was something similar on here a few weeks ago but I think the husband had an opportunity to work in the USA but the wife was an art expert.

Might be worth her asking the client what they envisage happening in the event of an emergency.
However, I don't see one call a day as a problem. So what if you can't FaceTime? She can talk to the kids on the phone.

All the pp’s saying It’s up to the dw and she’s not a feeble woman who you have on a leash. The replies would be so different if a dh wanted to disappear for a month at a time spending 2 weeks in some woman’s house and only ringing his family 3 times a week and not giving his whereabouts.
Omg, there would be uproar on mumsnet.
So many hypocrites on here.