Is this a normal work arrangement or a massive red flag?

[henryric]

Okay, I'm writing this a bit differently because it's not that I don't trust my wife. I do. But sometimes I feel like trust is one thing, and trusting another person's intentions is something completely different.

My wife and I are both 44. We've been married for a long time, have three teenagers, and have a very good marriage. There aren't any problems between us. I work in PE, so I completely understand that meeting clients, travelling for work, going out for dinners, etc. is normal.

My wife works in the art world. She owns a gallery and has quite a lot of international clients, so travelling abroad for work isn’t unusual for her either. The issue is a new client she met around six months ago. He’s very wealthy and has now offered her what sounds like a very lucrative arrangement.

He wants her to travel with him for about a month through France and Italy, and then spend another two weeks in the US, staying at his home. The purpose is apparently for him to buy artwork, attend auctions and have my wife assist him with the art side of things.
He's offering her a very large amount of money for this.

However, there are also NDAs involved. Some of the arrangements apparently have to remain completely confidential including certain things about what they buy, where they stay, etc. And apparently she wouldn’t even be allowed to tell me some of those details.

That last part is what makes me uncomfortable. I'm not worried that my wife is going to cheat on me. I genuinely trust her and I know her well. My concern is more about the situation itself and this man's intentions. He’s essentially asking my wife, whom he has only known for around six months, to travel internationally with him for six weeks, stay at his private home for two weeks, and keep certain details secret even from her husband all for a substantial amount of money.

Maybe I’m being overly cautious. Maybe this is completely normal in the high-l end art world and I’m simply unfamiliar with that side of it.

But my instinct is to tell my wife to reject the offer. Would you consider this a reasonable professional opportunity with normal confidentiality requirements, or would you also find the whole arrangement a bit strange and uncomfortable?

Indecent Proposal. Demi Moore, Woody Harrison & Robert Redford.

It's your wife's decision. Tell her your misgivings then make it clear you'll support her in whatever decision she makes (and follow through on that).

I should add that I was offered two jobs with similar arrangements in my distant past, again by very wealthy individuals. These people really are different from the rest of us... This was not in the art world – one was a one-to-one specialist teaching job, the other a holistic therapist role. I accepted the first, but turned down the second. The one I accepted turned out fine, even if the whole experience was a bit unusual, and I made some money, which I needed at the time. So I accept that such offers can be genuine and not necessarily dodgy, but you do need to be able to contact your loved ones if and when needed.

I think if you enter that potentially dodgy world, with financial reward as the temptation into it, it can be very difficult to get out of it unscathed.

I wouldn’t go near it with those sort of secrecy conditions. Not worth the angst that might come afterwards. who knows how your DW might be implicated unknowingly.

I’m surprised your wife didn’t reject it outright from the outset. No way would I agree to stay cut off from my children for even a day.

It’s a very dodgy request.

How can it be good for her career if she’s not allowed to tell anyone about it.

I work in the art world and none of this is unreasonable.

I sure she will be allowed to keep in touch with her family, however I can totally understand why she wouldn't be allowed to discuss with you the art works she is purchasing and especially for how much as that can seriously affect the market, is a massive security risk, etc.

Most billionaires are extremely well known in their circles and NDA are the custom. Even in the art world we are not suppose to discuss who is buying what or who snorted all the coke at the private view party...

I think it all sounds really suspect, for several reasons, as listed in your OP. What does your wife think about leaving the DC and being limited as to when she can contact them? There's more to this 'work' situation than meets the eye.

That's what I thought too. Cracking PE teacher gig OP has!

Surely it isn't safe for her to be in a position where nobody knows her location!! She may never be seen again!!

@MaidOfSteel that’s the one! Thank you!

Beautifully forged narrative artwork.

Is he Robert Redford re-incarnated? That is some proposal.

Putting myself in your wifes position, there are certain safeguards I would want.

Not staying at his house. Either in a hotel or a separate rented property.

I would want to be able to share my location with someone and have a clear safety and security plan in place.

Or, have someone travel with her (like a PA) who also signs an NDA.

I would be happy to sign an NDA but not compromise my own safety because no-one knows where I am.

It is not for her husband to make these demands but I’d be really concerned if she isn’t questioning those stipulations.

I'm in the art world, in a small scale way.

He wants her to travel with him for about a month through France and Italy, and then spend another two weeks in the US, staying at his home. The purpose is apparently for him to buy artwork, attend auctions and have my wife assist him with the art side of things. He's offering her a very large amount of money for this

Hard no. She needs to decide if she is a business or a spouse first, and I'd say the same to a man. If she insisted on going, I think this would be divorce time for me.

It's up to your wife what she does with her life and career, but you also have the right to be in a secure marriage that doesn't push your trust to its very limits.

This is a situation whereby large amounts of money is being offered to your wife, to go travelling in circumstances that in other situations she might see through more easily. This is a man who is used to his money getting him what he wants. he's used to buying people, and the whole NDA is a big red flag.

I think having nobody know your whereabouts for a month is quite a dangerous thing.

I would not agree to that, simply for my own safety.

I am also assuming that your wife as an art dealer will do her due diligence to ensure that her client is who he says he is, and has the capital to purchase art and isn't just some dodgy bloke she met at a pub, who is proposing this.

Most big collectors are quite well known within the art world. She'll have gallery contacts she can ask.

Most über rich have an entourage so it won't be like just her & him in a hotel. He'll have a personal assistant and being rich, I doubt he'll be single as these people have plenty of hangers on.

Kate Bryan does something similar, travelling around the world and buying art for Soho House.

This is how normal people get sucked into rich people's messed up worlds. It's likely the first time would be fine. Then, based on that first time she will go next time she is asked. This time, some slightly weird things will happen. Then the time after something slightly weirder......etc etc until she's totally caught up in the sticky webs.

Epstein.

Might not be sex. Might be art fakery. Might just be a weirdo.

Only she can assess the risk.

Why do some women completely lose their common sense when it comes to money!

If this was a random man inviting her to stay at his home on a rough council estate in a flat that look likes like a crack den - everyone would say she’s crazy and it’s the beginning of a horror film.

But a man flashes a bit of cash and suddenly it’s ok to stay in a house with a stranger, go to different countries where you have no idea of the geography or language and totally give up your agency.

This is exactly what I thought. Imagining going into this guy's weird life and the shit they get up to. First time goes smoothly, second a bit stranger and before you know it you're at a coke fuelled Diddy party.

My first thought was the art they are picking up in Europe is hot property (stolen) and they will be off-loading to private buyers in the US.

Weren't 2 Renoirs stolen from a gallery only this week?

The money on offer here seems too good to be true... It's all very shady and suspicious. She really needs to think long and hard about going. You're right to be concerned.

Could you maybe happen to put location sharing on her phone which she then 'forgets' about?? Just for peace of mind...

There is no suggestion that she met this man in the pub
And she presumably knows who he is and doesn't need to ask gallery contacts.
And it's not 'in a hotel'; she's meant to stay at his home.

They will be staying in hotels, presumably, when they travel through Europe, acquiring art.

Also, the poster was using the 'man down the pub' analogy as an example, not stating that was how the art dealer and the wife met, simply pointing out that without the money involved, it would be a situation most women would walk away from rapidly.

But the OP is concerned about the stay at his house. So are most posters on here.
Obviously without the money involved it would be a different situation. It's a work situation, hence the money; it's just that because of the nature of the business and the client it looks a little more discreet/secretive than a lot of work arrangements.
Posters on here have said it's not unusual in the art-buying world and/or among the very rich. I don't see any reason to think it's a dubious arrangement.