Is this a normal work arrangement or a massive red flag?

[henryric]

Okay, I'm writing this a bit differently because it's not that I don't trust my wife. I do. But sometimes I feel like trust is one thing, and trusting another person's intentions is something completely different.

My wife and I are both 44. We've been married for a long time, have three teenagers, and have a very good marriage. There aren't any problems between us. I work in PE, so I completely understand that meeting clients, travelling for work, going out for dinners, etc. is normal.

My wife works in the art world. She owns a gallery and has quite a lot of international clients, so travelling abroad for work isn’t unusual for her either. The issue is a new client she met around six months ago. He’s very wealthy and has now offered her what sounds like a very lucrative arrangement.

He wants her to travel with him for about a month through France and Italy, and then spend another two weeks in the US, staying at his home. The purpose is apparently for him to buy artwork, attend auctions and have my wife assist him with the art side of things.
He's offering her a very large amount of money for this.

However, there are also NDAs involved. Some of the arrangements apparently have to remain completely confidential including certain things about what they buy, where they stay, etc. And apparently she wouldn’t even be allowed to tell me some of those details.

That last part is what makes me uncomfortable. I'm not worried that my wife is going to cheat on me. I genuinely trust her and I know her well. My concern is more about the situation itself and this man's intentions. He’s essentially asking my wife, whom he has only known for around six months, to travel internationally with him for six weeks, stay at his private home for two weeks, and keep certain details secret even from her husband all for a substantial amount of money.

Maybe I’m being overly cautious. Maybe this is completely normal in the high-l end art world and I’m simply unfamiliar with that side of it.

But my instinct is to tell my wife to reject the offer. Would you consider this a reasonable professional opportunity with normal confidentiality requirements, or would you also find the whole arrangement a bit strange and uncomfortable?

I wouldn't be interested in the artworks or what he pays for them, but I would not accept not being told where my DH is staying, and having contact details, including hotel room numbers.

I don’t think the confidentiality thing is reasonable - what if there was some sort of emergency? Is the person very famous?

I'm not in the art world and nor am I a billionaire (or, sadly, even millionaire).

However looking at this from the employers pov, I can see that they have known the art dealer (your wife) for only a short time and do not know how much to trust them. They could well have a lot to lose.
Potentially they could be famous and not want 'the public' knowing their whereabouts.
Potentially, if the 'art world' know they are in town, it might affect prices in auctions or galleries if they are known to be collectors ? Isn't that why the very wealthy have people bid for them rather than bidding themselves at auctions ?

So if you owned something you knew Elton John collected, you'd hold out for more money for it than you might be prepared to sell for if a random unknown said they'd pay you £X for, that you would be happy with.

I think this is your wife's decision.

This sounds too dodgy to me. I would reject the offer too.

I mean I wouldn't tell her not to do it, that would really piss any normal person off.

If you are worried about his intent because of her safety and she is not worried about that, you can agree she calls you every day (or another time gap), millionaire man provides a contact for you to use if you need to get in touch with her, and on a procedure if you don't hear from her. If she is worried about her own safety she shouldn't go.

If you are worried about his intent because you think he might try to seduce her, you have to trust that she is a grown woman with a will of her own and will choose accordingly, nothing to do with the trip or the arrangements.

I’d be uncomfortable not being able to contact my other half, not through lack of trust but for emergency purposes. Is there a way she could put in like a “counter offer” of I will sign an NDA, as will my other half so all are safe type thing?

I wouldn’t want to put myself in such a subordinate position with an extremely wealthy person so I don’t think it’s advisable or safe. Its also not necessary. Your wife is a professional art buyer not a paid companion.

I have a billionaire client (therapist). I also have indigent clients. These people are different from normal people. Its wise not to get too close or to start out under their control.

I mean, for a whole month, I wouldn't know where my wife is or what she is doing no FaceTime or anything. Even our three kids wouldn't know where their mom is

So, is calling her just once a day without any details really that good?

I agree, he is offering a big amount of money plus 5% of whatever he buys that month. The money is real

You can advise your wife to reject the offer, but it's ultimately her decision. You can't make her do anything.

she wouldn’t even be allowed to tell me some of those details.
fine, it doesn't mean she can't contact you or you can't contact her?

I'll make sure she feels safe and she has a safety exit anywhere she is.

So she is allowed to contact you, she just can't tell you where she is?

It all sounds super dodgy but these are not the kind of circles I frequent. I assume this sort of stuff is much more normal for the uber rich?

What does your wife think about it all? Has she ever done anything similar before? Does she have a lot of wealthy clients?

ETA: Just seen the update, so you can speak but not facetime? I think not being able to video call my kids for a month would be a deal breaker - what does your wife think?

I think speaking to her daily without knowing where she is is probably ok from my perspective, for a once in a lifetime opportunity to make loads of money and seal my reputation as a Top Art Expert, yes. If you couldn't talk to her at all I would feel differently.

If you don't feel like that, tell her how you feel and why. Is it about her safety or you missing her? Don't tell her not to do it either way because it's her decision isn't it.

I have definitely read this before somewhere…

I heard it's probably only once every three days, and she isn't allowed to tell me where she is or what they bought

I'm not super rich or into art, so I really have no idea about this world. My wife has a few wealthy clients, but not many

My wife thinks this is good for her career and the money is great, so she wants to do it

Well then I think you need to let her do it!

BUT maybe a compromise would be for the make more regular contact (call everyday) and can she be taken somewhere "neutral" to facetime yourself and the kids? Can she negotiate this?

Me too.

I thought it was an old thread been revived.

Wondering if it was Reddit I saw it on previously

Idk....but this can be better than previous rules

Again it's still dodge

Is this Billionaire interested in hiring a middle aged teacher? I'll happily go and sign whatever he likes. Bonus points if he looks like a young Robert Redford.

It sounds a bit controlling (Christian Grey) but I’ve no idea the way things work in that field and there may be good reasons. Difficult one op. Would it be a one off or continued?

How would he know if your wife told you where they were staying? If it were me I would sign the NDA but give safety information to my DH knowing I can trust him and he would only need it in an emergency. But I certainly wouldn’t accept being told who can I can call, how and when

Actually even an old Robert Redford, I'll still go.

My wife thinks this is good for her career and the money is great, so she wants to do it

Well there's your answer.

I'm quite skint so I'd probably go even if it were Elon Musk, if the art was interesting and the money was good.

I've seen/read the exact same post before. The only difference is the inclusion of the NDA and not being able to have regular contact/know where she is.

I'm sorry but I think this stinks. I mean he trusts your wife who would actually have other contacts in the art world, to know the locations, why wouldn't he trust you!

I mean, there are plenty of people whose spouses don't know where they are when they are working.

If she had doubts, then it would be for your wife to ask people who move in those sort of circles if this is normal, or suspicious.
Most of us that work at Tesco, or the local hospital, or the factory or warehouse aren't really going to be able to say if this is odd or not.

I know someone whose ds works in the music industry with big names even I have heard of, and some of the snippets I hear are just bizarre to me, as an 'ordinary person'. As they say 'it's a different world'.