To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

[Helenaslide]

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

@Awkwardisfunny I don't fart in front of my DH either. One can leave the room, go to the loo etc. Why would you have to "sit in pain for hours"? What do you do on a plane or at the movies?

Fart.💨

It's very rude to just go ahead and do it. You need to say 'I'm sorry but I'm busting for a shite, can I pop in and go or could you quickly get out of the bath while I do?' if it really is a touching cloth situation. And that's the only loo.
Most people would rather get out than let them do it in front of them!

My sister used too do it and not flush to piss me off when I was in the bath with curtain drawn as a teen, but otherwise no, it's absolutely gross!!! Who wants to be seen crapping and who wants to bathe in the stench when they're in the bath.

Horrible!!!
It would give me the ick.

Same, I was born 1970. Not once did my mother, father or brother ever use the sole toilet in the sole bathroom in our house while I was taking a bath. We would always check if someone needed the loo before we got into the bath. From age seven I was bolting the bathroom door for privacy - this was seen as entirely normal for us even back then.

Obvious from the OP onwards. I don't know why people can't see it for themselves.

In the MN vernacular, that would make my fanny slam shut instantly. Absolutely rank. 🤢

Dunno, I can quite believe some men are capable of being this gross. Unfortunately.

It’s a big no from me. I’ve been with my husband for over 16 years and neither of us have ever done that to one another. It’s just disrespectful.

That’s sick.

Er, most animals don’t feel ‘shame’ when they shit.

That doesn’t make it ok for another human to do it beside you when you’ve asked them not to.

Omg. So he had other options too?! I was horrified that he didn’t wait but now understand that this was a deliberate choice!! Ew. That would be a deal breaker for me. Honestly. Shows no respect or boundaries. And then laughed when expressed your views. Argh.

DH and I do this, but we've been together 13 years and mutually agreed we don't give a crap. (harhar)

Doing it without asking is weird as fuck. 4 months in? Absolute chancer. No respect.

I admit to having a wee while dp is in the shower,but I either don't need a wee or im 5 seconds away from wetting myself

Hes never seen me on the loo because of the shower curtain

Years ago,I was in the shower (which was one of those over the bath,sink to the right and loo at the end of the bath) when my new-ish bloke walked in,plonked himself on the loo and started shitting (the dc where at nans for the day and had never met him)

He wiped himself twice,checked the loo roll both times and walked out without washing his hands

I was that grossed out,I got out of the shower,grabbed my towel (whole trying not to gag on the smell) and dumped him there and then

He claimed i was 'overreacting' started laughing,then tried to put up a fight (and got nasty) but I wouldn't let it go and told him to leave (ended up phoning the police as he wouldn't go)

Nobody has that level of disrespect for me-even my own dc (now adults) didn't do this (as soon as they where old enough to take themselves to the loo independently)

It's marking his territory and bloody disgusting

I have been with my dh for over thirty years and I have never deliberately had a poo while he was in the shower neither has he had a poo in front of me .
The only acceptable exception to this would be if either of us had health issues and needed assistance or during childbirth

This was completely normal when I was a kid. Anybody in the bath could expect anyone (family obs) who needed the toilet to use it. Also if
on the toilet someone else could come in and use other parts
if the bathroom, ie run a bath etc.

Firstly, the OP isn't a child and adults generally have far higher standards of privacy than children.

Secondly, the OP says she has TWO OTHER TOILETS that he could have used. But he deliberately chose to come and have a shit in the one bathroom she was using.

MN has a bit of a bodily function blind spot in my opinion and an aversion to bodily fluids and products.

I don't have an aversion to bodily fluids in general. By Mumsnet standards, my standards are incredibly low.

I do have an aversion to other people's shit, however. It is very, very normal (and also advantageous from an evolutionary perspective) to have an aversion to piss, shit, vomit and snot from any human being you haven't given birth to. Also, other people's shit fucking stinks and a grown man with no health issues should be able to wait for the duration of a bath before dropping a log.

That makes it worse . He did it deliberately
Get rid

Well that makes it an easy decision to end the relationship imo.

4 months in and any semblance of romance, manners and basic consideration for other people is clearly gone.

I've been married 30 years and neither of us would do this.

Dump this gross human being - you can do better.

It absolutely is in our house. However, we’ve been together a very long time and we’re both comfortable with it, we don’t even have a lock on the door.

You’re not comfortable with it and you’ve been together such a short amount of time so, no, it’s not okay.

After only 4 months, other toilet options and he didn’t ask first, yuck no!! He doesn’t even sound sorry for his “error”. This would be the end for me, he sounds a boundary pusher.

For future reference, @Helenaslide I suggest if you can't imagine yourself saying to someone 'Do you want to watch me shit?' (substitute activity of your choice) then it suggests that this is a solo activity.

He didn't even have the courtesy to ask.

Literally shitting on your territory. Bin him off.

Noooooo. A quick wee is fine but going for a shit is grim. As if anyone wants to relax in bath with straining and plopping and the smell of shit wafting around.

There’s an episode of Father Ted, Entertaining Father Stone, where Ted is relaxing in the bath and Father Stone asks to use the toilet right next to the bath. He then sits down and has a poo!

So ridiculous that it’s comedy. Nothing funny about OP’s experience especially with other toilets available.
I’d say bye bye!