To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

[Helenaslide]

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

I've been with my husband 26 years and neither of us would do this. Disgusting and I'd dump him. I do remember reading something about narcissistic toilet behaviour which involved this type of thing , absolutely not normal and a way of exerting some sort of power over you.

Mine doesn’t either. Won’t poop on the lead and runs off into the long grass so he can stay hidden.

That would be it for me, l'm afraid.
I'm about as far from a prude as it's possible to get, but that.... No.

In all my dating/married years no one has ever done this. Yes I would seriously reconsider whether he is the one for you.

Oh I thought this was another one of those wiping it on the curtains thread...

Agree. My dog always looks embarrassed 🤦‍♀️She really does !

No one has ever had a shit in front of me and I'd be disgusted if they did. For him to come and into the bathroom while you're in the bath and shit front of you, when there are two other loos available, shows huge disrespect. I could not move on from that.

ExACTly!

Haaaa! I was just telling dh about this thread and this was EXACTLY what he referred to.
Tmi but farting is fine and frankly forms a fine finesse for friendship.

We've been married 37 years and I have IBS. Neither of us would dream of pooping in front of each other. This would absolutely end it on the spot for me.

You coached him not to do it again, he accepted. Let it go, move on.

That was him testing your boundaries and disrespecting you. Give him the boot. It goes downhill from here.

When we had our flat, my partner had to do this as he has Crohns (one bathroom). In that case, I never minded. Unavoidable. Now we have a bigger house, and the problem never arose again.

Your boyfriend is being a total twat. What else will he disrespect you over?

Absolutely DISGUSTING. What a vile thing for him to do. I'd have chucked him out. 🚩

@Helenaslide no, I don't think this is normal at all. I'd be disgusted too. I cannot imagine staying in a 4 month old relationship after this. I know some people use the toilet in front of their partner. The thought makes me sweat with shame & I've been with mine for about 20 years.

But whatever about that. To me, the fact that he didn't feel embarrassed by your disgust is pretty creepy. That's a bit psychopathic to me. I'd be very careful of this man. And I say that as someone with a higher tolerance than most for bad behaviour from men.

You’ve completely misunderstood what I said. This sort of behaviour might be a non issue for you, but for most people early in a relationship, with two other toilets available, he’s territory marking, he’s purposely embarrassed the OP, he’s disrespectful and disgusting and then he laughed about it. He’s the sort of bloke who says things like “you’ve got no sense of humour”, “it was only a joke”, “you need to lighten up”, while doing things that are unacceptable. It’s a red flag. When you’ve been married to somebody like this, you realise how abusive it is.

OP, you’ve got to get rid of this utter prick.

24 years with my fella, never ever. Gross.

Married 23yrs. Never ever done this. And never ever will.

Revolting.

I can tell you with certainty that this is not normal. We were discussing this subject at work and one person said she and her husband go in front of each other. They're was a perfectly synchronised "WHAT?!" from every single person in the room.

Revolting power play.

Honestly, I would dump him this is such a huge red flag.

"Thank you for our time together but you are a revolting pig, goodbye"

We’ve been together 29 years, married 23, 2 kids and never done the toilet in front of each other. Having a shit when someone s is in the bath is grim

Only acceptable if you have just the one toilet and it’s in the bathroom. Me and DH would do this almost 30 years ago in our first tiny place. But now, we have 2 bathrooms and a downstairs toilet so it would be very rude to go and shit in the room with the bath when someone was in the bath.

So glad I have two toilets, I would not be happy if someone took a poo while I was having a relaxing bath

Only people too poo in my presence haven't had a choice so elderly clients when I was a carer and babies, mine or those I worked with

Some people are more open than others, the guy im seeing thinks nothing of peeing with me either there or oddly on video calls but number 2 is too far past the line and would give me the ick

That's not normal.