AIBU to think our 22 yo son is being slightly mad turning down a free London flat?

[BeNeatCat]

DS is 22 and has finally got his first proper job in London and we are absolutely thrilled for him. He graduated from the University of Edinburgh with a first in Economics last year and came home afterwards. We live in a village and while looking for work he worked at the local farm shop and tutored A-level students.

We didn't charge him rent. He helps around the house and it's actually been really lovely having him home. He says he genuinely missed the village when he was at university the peace and quiet, being able to get back into reading and cycling, and having time with our four dogs.

He's also managed to save about £16k since graduating so it's not as though he's been sitting around spending everything he earns. He's actually been very sensible financially.
He's now got a London job on £38k which we're very chuffed about. That’s a very good wage for a 22 year old newly grad.

DH and I have a two bedroom flat in Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham. We’ve been renting for a while and the tenants have since bought a house now so they’ve moved out. We have had it on short term let as it’s been summer time so lots of tourists have been eager, it’s had a new group of people every other week or so since May it’s been quite hard for us to keep up with to be honest as this was our first time doing short term let’s seems as though the market in London is good. We've offered the flat to our son him and a friend completely rent-free. They would only have to pay the bills.
And he's said no.Because he wants to live with THREE of his mates. They’re currently searching and have been going to views for a 4 bed.

I have told him he's being ridiculous. He is 22, starting his first job on £38k, and we've basically handed him free accommodation in London. He could live there, pay the bills, continue saving and potentially build up a very decent pot of money over the next few years.Instead, he wants to rent a house with four friends because he wants the experience of living with them. I get it. I lived with 5 other girls (friends I made at uni) in London after university and throughly enjoy it they’re still my closest friends. And this is where I am conflicted because, if I'm being completely honest, I do understand it but also the economy is different to when I was 22

He's had a very nice year at home. He's saved £16k, had a peaceful year in the village, read, cycled, spent time with the dogs and generally enjoyed being at home. He isn't desperate to leave because he hates being here. He said he was slightly sad (albeit happy) about getting the job because he’s enjoyed being in a village his mind could finally think (his words) He does want to go and have the experience of being 22 and living in London with his mates.

DH thinks we should leave him to it. He's an adult, he's earning a decent salary, he's saved a good amount already and he's allowed to prioritise having fun and living with his friends over maximising his savings.
And I know he's right.

But I can't help thinking that a free two-bedroom flat in Hammersmith and Fulham that is fully paid for and his parents own is the sort of offer you don't turn down lightly at 22!

At the same time, perhaps I'm looking at it entirely through the lens of being his parent. I'm thinking about deposits, investments and financial security. He's thinking about having his four best friends round for dinner, going to the pub after work and coming home to a house full of people his own age.
He's not asking us to subsidise a lavish lifestyle either. He has £16k saved, a £38k salary and presumably will be perfectly capable of paying his own rent. He just doesn't want the financially optimal option.
And perhaps that's the point. He can afford to make the choice he actually wants.
So AIBU to think he's mad?Would you take the free London flat and save like mad for the next few years or would you pay rent to live with four of your best friends at 22 because you only get to be 22 once?
I'm increasingly wondering whether I'm confusing “financially sensible” with “the right choice for him”.

Maybe I am being unreasoned he’s 22, has a girlfriend who is soon moving to London too and wants to experience London to its full potential, get pissed with his friends and have fun I can’t fault him maybe I am being unreasonable.

@BeNeatCat hey can I have it? 😁

The other thing is how far from his work is the flat? I know he can WFH but getting to work can be very costly on the tube. Could this be playing a part in his decision?

Save the rent for him and don’t tell him.

5 in a house would be fun! I think you can offer it again in the future but he won’t get this chance again to be young and have fun (we had 5 in our house when I was I. Uni, it was an amazing time!)

He wants to do what he wants to do and not what you want him to do.

He's an adult and you have to accept that.

You mention a daughter too. What would you do a few years down the line, if she graduates and gets a job in London, and your son is still living rent-free in your flat? Would you ask him to leave so she could have her turn to live there rent-free for several years?

Whatever you do for him, you should do for her, so it's good that he doesn't want to live there. Get new tenants and if you don't need the income, save it for both your children.

I really don’t envy OP’s future dil.

I understand why you as his mother feel that way. But he is making the right decision for himself at this time of his life. He is very lucky to have that choice.
The flat will still be there when he is older and wants to settle down. Offer it to him again then

Yes, the flat was empty at the start of the year when the previous tenants moved into their new house. We’ve actually looked into all of this quite carefully taken advice and been in contact with the council particularly as this is the first time we’ve had to make a decision about the property in a long time. It had previously been occupied by the same tenants for over 10 yrs so we haven’t really had to think about much. The rent went even market level as we knew the tenants enough that they’d even come to extended family events etc. We had no issues with them, they kept the flat nice and treated it like their own.

We don’t necessarily want to put it on a standard long term tenancy, and I’m not particularly keen on having tenants I don’t know living there for a whole year. That’s my fathers flat and it’s sentimental to me I wouldn’t want someone there for a year that I didn’t know at all.

We did consider renting it to students because of the location, we were in touch with estate agencies regarding this too and I appreciate that Imperial students in particular would probably be very easy to let it to. But having thought about it properly I’ve decided that isn’t something I really want to get involved with. Students can obviously be perfectly good tenants but I remember what I was like in my student house and my first place after university and I’m conscious that properties don’t always get treated in quite the same way when they’re being rented by students. Of course I do not know this for certain but students is certainly one demographic I do not want getting involved with for more than a few days. We’ve had people stay there over summer who were in their late teens etc but I don’t want anything more than that.

We had no issues whatsoever with the previous tenants and I’d much rather keep the property in a condition where it’s looked after properly than take on a tenancy that could potentially bring a lot more management & hassle. I’m not a landlord with multiple properties so I’m not looking to build a portfolio or maximise. That’s also why we’ve been looking at the short-term option and have taken advice on what is and isn’t possible. I understand the 90-day restriction and the planning position and I haven’t ignored those rules.

As for our son we understand that he may want to live with his friends. We’re not trying to force him into living in the flat. We are just surprised is all as many people especially in London spend 45-50% of their monthly salary on rent.

Is there a girl or boy involved? Does he have some bizarre notion that living in your property will mean you are popping in to check on him?

I get on quite well with his long term girlfriend she comes on holidays with us has been at the house for months at a time. I got on well with my MIL never had any issues I looked after her for many years got her to live with us before she passed so that she didn’t have to have carers and people she didn’t know. Doctors seemed happy with how DH and I were taking care of her based on her diagnosis and how she would have been at a care home compared to living with us

Let him do what he wants. Sounds as if he’s got the luxury of being very financially comfortable and I think this is the kind of decision people make when they know that!

We will have to see she hasn’t even moved into her first year accommodation yet. Her situation is quite different she doesn’t choose where she lives when she first graduates I’d she’d like a job that is. With the state of the nhs at the minute she also plans to not live in the uk long term would love to leave almost instantly after graduating as she has dual citizenship and junior doctors have been chances in other countries.

I wouldn't do that, (or at least not immediately) how will he learn if he gets the best of both worlds?

By all means rent it out if he doesn't want it and maybe give him some/all of it at a later date for a deposit or wedding or whatever depending on your circumstances at the time, but its completely up to you. You've offered him the financially prudent option which millions would bite your hand off for, he doesn't get to live with his mates AND get thousands of extra in free rental income (without doing any of the work to administer or maintain the property) as well.

Tbh I agree with some of the comments, sounds like his life has been very easy thus far, perhaps dealing with paying over the nose for unscrupulous landlords and arguing over mates about not flushing the loo will make him aware of how lucky he is.

The only thing I'd say is if you rent it out and he then decides he wants to move in - tough luck, he has to wait until the tenants choose to end their tenancy It would be really unfair to chuck them out because he realises he has a better option.

Ahaha take it. The estate agents keep telling us about students. I don’t want to let to students ever they seem to not understand that.

Yes he is bonkers. But at 22 he can be bonkers. Let him get on with it and then hand him a spoon to eat his humble pie when he realises how bonkers he has been. But until then I hope he has fun sharing a house / flat with 4 friends!

I can’t believe he is turning this down! It’s insane! Could the other friends not move nearby so they can still hang out etc?

Now I am convinced this is actually a joke posting:
OP writes.. I am not academic at all. I did what they now call a Micky mouse (sic) degree, same with my masters and my PhD...

How can you claim you are not at all academic when you have a Masters and a PHD?

The whole thing is laughable; the well-paid, entry-level job, the fees-paid no student loan, the idyllic country home, the free flat.

I want to hear more! Where's the yacht? Which world records has he/you broken for charitable causes? What's happening with the horses?

So many of my friends’ kids have to live at home (London) because they simply can’t afford to move out. Yea if I was your son I’d jump at it and save hard for a deposit (though I’d charge his mate rent). But if he want to pay rent that’s his business - I do think he’s being foolish but that’s youth for you!

But I can’t help thinking that a free two-bedroom flat in Hammersmith and Fulham that is fully paid for and his parents own is the sort of offer you don’t then down lightly at 22

Who says he’s turning it down lightly?

Balancing the offer with what he wants to do and deciding to turn it down doesn’t automatically mean he’s turning it down lightly.

You’re being unreasonable to badge it as an offer if, for you, it’s an instruction. If it’s an offer then turning it down after considering everything should be perfectly acceptable.

I do understand how practice based PhDs work. This is just insulting - to yourself, your colleagues and tbh to the vast majority of people, who will never achieve PhD status in anything.

For what it’s worth he sounds like a level headed young man. Wants to carve his own way in this world. I think it’s great he wants to live with his friends and enjoy early adulthood. I am guessing his take home pay will be around 2.5k a month. Plenty for him.
Perhaps you could continue renting out the flat and saving the income to split between him and his siblings when they want to buy a house. I am sure your Dad would love that idea.

But if you rent it out, you will get much more in rent than he is paying for a house share, so it will work out better as a family.

Makes perfect sense to me- he wants the experience of being independent and living with friends on equal terms more than he wants to save a bit on rent. Good for him.

Let the flat and split the profit between your children- IHT free as a gift out of income.

Absolutely agree!