Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

She outgrew you.

🤣

Oh behave 😅

Do you think it’s a fun night out for her, having to deal with you in that state?

This is actually ridiculous if you’re not being satire. I’m a 26 year old woman who’s husband wouldn’t have any issue with me going out/on holiday with friends (we also have 2 children), and I can confidently say you are ridiculously immature and a terrible friend, stretching to a genuinely bad person. You blatantly only care about yourself, you think your friend is making bad decisions just because she doesn’t do what you told her to and you prioritise a piss up in Cyprus over her improving her home life, you got your money back, any decent friend would understand fully and hope things work out for her.

My god you even went as far as to book into pubs and clubs eventhough you’ve admitted she told you she didn’t want to drink and wanted a spa/chill weekend. Not only did you not listen to her, you admitted you did all of this because you think she needs to party and let her hair down, you think what you want should be what everyone else wants and needs.

You and this friend aren’t compatible. If you want someone on your wave length whose priority is getting drunk and partying then find people in their late teens/early twenties. You’ll find most people in their 40s align more with your friend than you, this is why you have no one else interested in going with you, take a hint. There won’t be many out there that want boozy trips and men to flirt with when they’re married, reading your replies I don’t know how your husband has any trust in you, with the way you conduct yourself another affair wouldn’t be a shocker, cheating is never the answer but you went there already and you don’t seem ashamed of it. I can’t imagine anyone would think too highly of you if you also have this attitude in person.

Please somebody tell me what a reverse is!! 😁

This can’t be real - no one is actually this selfish and unaware surely! If this is real, please please cut your friend off for her sake! You sound horrendous!

I don’t understand. You can still go. She hasn’t done you out of anything.

If this is real and I really can’t believe it is : I think your friend would be very relieved if you called time on the friendship.
You can’t be so unaware of how your posts come across your complaining like a stroppy teenager about how controlling her husband is but throwing your toys out of the pram because she’s told you that she doesn’t want to do what you you want when you spend time together
She is a grown woman in her forties your telling her to leave her husband how to be when her children leave home it’s a wonder she hasn’t binned you off years ago

He's used to you cheating on him

I like this thread. There’s some skilled brinkmanship by the op, just teetering on the edge of actually jumping the shark - “the worst she’s had to do is stop me vomiting in the street” indeed! I’m invested now, hope it doesn’t get deleted.

People grow up OP. Some do it faster than others.

You aren't responding to lots of people making valid points which shows my above point even more obv that you are all about you and just you.

You may be on to something here.

Spot on!

She got there before you and cut you off. Dont blame her.

You said there's no one else you can go with. Just curious, have other friends of yours started to pull back from nights out and trips away with you?

You sound an awful lot like someone I know who's an alcoholic in denial and a total liability. She creates chaos anytime she drinks. She can't see it but it's got to the point that noone wants to invite her out or feel responsible for her because every night out gets dragged on until the small hours. She can't finish a night out while its sensible but has to carry on until she wrecked, pulled a random man or in tears about something. Exhausting to be around and not at all fun.

No, truthful in this scenario.

Stop right there. You are making yourself sound worse and worse.

You can go away by yourself if you want a break. You might think what your friend does is extremely boring, but maybe she thinks a boozy weekend has become boring? You might not like pottery and walking groups but bring creative and active and sociable in a group is actually far more interesting than getting tipsy.

Why wouldn’t you support her in her goal to spit drinking. I have a friend who gave up alcohol for various reasons and when I felt like I wasn’t seeing her as much I made an effort to come up with other ways for us to hang out where there was no alcohol involved for either of us.

Arghhhhhh..wind up. Just briefly saw "golf"...I'm out.

You want your friend to leave her husband because you’re worried about losing your connection with her, but then she’s saying you’ve not put the effort in lately? You would like you’re having an affair and trying to convince her to leave her husband for you.