Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

Yeeess....you realise most of us realise you are completely making this up... ? Of it was real, well....😅

Why is it made up? I vomited in the street and she had to get me an uber home and got mad that her rating went down one point because I was being loud. I was showing I am not as bad as the posters friend I was replying to?

What does your husband think of you going out, getting totally pissed and chatting up strange men?

That’s actually the worst thing l can imagine. Anyone who made a habit of getting so shit faced they vomited in public wouldn’t be a friend for long especially not if we were both in our 40s.

it’s making me sound bad now, who doesn’t like a little attention when they go out. I only ever chat and get bought drinks I never do anything!!

You are a terrible friend and a bad person. You want her marriage to fail, and her to endure the massive emotional trauma that will definitely cause, just so you have someone to go out with. You seem amazed that someone would put THEIR life ahead of YOUR happiness. How dare they?!

I would suggest that you go out with a different friend but I get the very strong feeling that that's not a possibility.

Well you told us upthread that you had an affair, so clearly at one point you did something.

You sound like a nightmare to be around. Whatever your age, I think there's a lot.of growing up needed.

That was with a different husband! This one is much more on my wave length

Ah. It gets more and more far fetched.

Sometimes I read Mumsnet posts an d wonder if they are real or not. If this is genuine then OP you really have no self awareness at all. I would 100% not want to go away with a "friend" like you for even one day let alone a whole weekend. She even paid to not have to spend time in your company. It doesnt seem like the weekend would be very fun.

Why is it far fetched?

I was married once am now in my second marriage and friend has cancelled plans we made. Hardly far fetched.

Coked up drunk men will buy drinks for anyone. Most still don't want to be chatting up sloppy drunks that vomit in the street though. Especially women in their 40s.

Are you just fuming because your friend is the attractive one that actually brings the attention and without her you won't get any?

Doesn’t matter. You should be able to enjoy female friends company without chatting up strangers. Maybe it’s not the drink, as I posted earlier. Maybe she is just fed up being a sidekick to a woman unhappy in her own marriage and disrespecting her partner?

I wonder how far OP will go with this absolute shite

Oh. Does he go out and buy drinks for strange women?

As I said, if it is real, well.....So as you're saying it is, why are you so surprised your friend doesn't want to go away with you? This might be ok behaviour for you in your 40s, for a lot of people you would just be a nightmare to go anywhere with..!

@hungryowl you seem to be one of these people that make everything about you...

Life changes. People get bored of alcohol and getting drunk.

Your friend has discovered other hobbies and has met new people and is having fun. She is actually not the boring one here... She just doesn't share the same interests as you any more.

So it sounds like you need to meet some new people that do have the same interests as you as your friend have clearly drifted apart...

This thread is so bizarre.
I cant get my head around a 42 year old woman thinking that 42 is too young to be an adult.
It really comes across as a very immature person desperate to stay 25 forever

That wasn’t the point of my post. It was that she let me down last minute it’s rude and I wanted some back up on that.

Probably does what he likes too. Sure you know exactly what? Especially when you're away on your weekends trying to reclaim your 20s.. ?

At 42 going on a boozy weekend wouldn’t have appealed to me either, it sounds like you’ve grown apart and want different things, you come across a bit full on too.

I do have other younger friends who I do this with. She used to be out all the time at events now when I call I get a text back she is at golf with her husband and his friends or her husband is making something for the house and they’re out shopping for bits. This weekend they went on a charity shop walk to see who could find the best deal on something. It’s not her, I think he’s making her boring by being controlling !

Well if maybe you hadn't told her that she was wrong to want a spa weekend because she "needed to let her hair down" despite knowing very well she's been wanting to stop drinking and not party like she's a teenager anymore & is probably fed up to the back teeth of you being a drunken flirt she has to babysit then maybe she wouldn't need to be "rude" by cancelling.

I like the sound of her lifestyle much more than I do yours. If you're going out and getting chatted up by random men & being bought drinks without never worrying about being drugged or taken advantage of then you're spectacularly ignorant & foolish.