Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

What a catch

Hes a lucky guy

Hopefully you'll get tested when back at least

I'm amazed such an obvious wind-up is still live on the site to be honest.

😂

Sounds like she is being her own woman. She recognised her drinking problem, asked for help and got it. She’s clearly recognised that you were a part of that problem and she’s acting accordingly. I think you’re peeved that her DH is advising her and respecting her boundaries, so you’re choosing to see it as control.

It’s pretty harmless

No. She's finally grown up after working out with the therapist what adult life actually looks like. The kind of thing you're talking about is what students do when they go away from home and start to meet new people and situations. The idea of a 42 year-old with a husband and teenage children, still spending the day texting a friend and letting her hair down just sounds weirdly immature to me.

😂

This is definitely a reverse or a joke thread. Aiya Nappa is totally over egging it.

It sounds to me like your friend is just moving on with life. I don't think there's anything weird about growing out of boozy weekends. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with her not wanting to be around people taking drugs either.
OP, you mentioned in an earlier post that there have been times that she's had to drop you home in a taxi. Why is that? Were you not in a state to get yourself home? If so I don't blame your friend for not wanting to do that.

Oh dear, I think the OP’s post are far more concerning than a friend cancelling last minute, who, rightly, transferred the money to cover the cost, so at least OP wasn’t out of pocket.

Could you go anyway if the flight and accommodation is paid for?

I don’t think it’s a wind up. I remember from my clubbing days there was always that one little group of 40 year olds.

FYI I’ve never heard anyone refer to therapy as selfish, perhaps so to you OP as it comes in the way of your booze filled weekends. For your friend, therapy could be saving her marriage, liver and life.

Sounds like only one person wants to conduct themselves in an adult manner and perhaps let go of things that lead her to not making healthy choices, the other one is the OP.

MN hq replied to say they are giving the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we should all start wind ups!

'You think...'
Wow what a controlling friend
She TOLD you she no longer wanted to do certain activities, suggested alternatives, explained why and yet YOU think you know better and she should implode her life after shes made changes that she deems will make her and her marriage happier

Madness

Hard to cheat when your husband is tagging along

(Edited for typo)

Give over. YOU want to party.

It seems that you have grown apart and no longer have the same interest.
but, to be fair, if my marriage was falling apart I would do everything to save it, and would not go on a weekend away, especially if that would cause a further rift. That would come 1000 times before any friend.

You are calling her boring and are completely unable to understand that a woman in her 40s who has given up drinking does not want to spend a weekend in pubs and clubs watching you get bladdered and dance with strangers.

i have an ex friend like you. In her 40s she still did things like fall over in the street and knock her teeth out while pissed and thought it was hilarious. Lots of inappropriate hitting on young men in clubs who were horrified. It’s just no fun for the sober friend I’m afraid!

Exactly!

You sound absolutely pathetic Op. Childish and trying to hard to stay young
The last thing I wanted to be doing at your age was clubbing, punning and going to god awful places on holiday like Aya Napa.
Your friend doesn’t want to do this anymore yet you are trying to control her. To be honest, do your friend a favour and leave her alone. She’s better off without you.
Grow up.

Is this the problem that you have no other friends?

I don't see her prioritising her immediate family over her friend. Yes it's shitty you've been let down but you aren't out of pocket and you can still go and take someone else even, yet choose to focus on her marriage issues that she is trying to work out. You have already said you don't like her husband, do you not think she knows this and is ergo ignoring your advice as its obv single sided for you to leave him as you have said?

Weekend away or the man you chose to spend your life with and figuring that out - no brainer to me 🤷

After reading only a few of your 36 replies OP it sounds as if YOU are the selfish one in this friendship. She's obviously seen that alcohol has become a problem for her and asked her husband for help. Maybe she had become alcohol dependent and if she's serious about not drinking it's selfish of you to put her in a situation where she will be tempted by it. You're not out of a weekend away your mates paid you back for it if you've not cancelled maybe take someone else who will join you in your booze filled activities. It's pretty obvious that this friend isn't interested in what you've planned. She's told you she isn't going, I don't think that going around to her house to pick an argument demanding to know why she isn't going now and blaming it all on her husband isn't going to go down very well for you

And the fact that so many of them think this doesn't give you even the slightest pause for thought that they may have a point? If you were half your age it would be a normal way of going out and enjoying yourself, but most adults in their forties have moved past that and have different priorities in life.

Tbh if this was real, and I was the 'friend' and OP turned up at my house I know at least my husband would then just tell her the bald truth. Knowing mine he'd probably also throw in some comments about the 'oldest swinger in town' or include some quotes from TVs Benidorm......Either way they'd definitely get the message.

You are not out of pocket, would have been nicer if you'd been told earlier of course. Seems like a friendship that has run its course, upsetting it is.