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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend has cancelled on me last minute

588 replies

hungryowl · Yesterday 12:21

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

OP posts:
SereneGoose · Yesterday 15:42

Where's the holiday? Maybe I (and other mn'ers?) can come instead? We could drink and hmm? Stage an intervention ?

Millytante · Yesterday 15:42

Nonotno · Yesterday 15:01

Agree …it’s tedious!

Hear, hear. At this rate, every decade of a woman’s life will soon be categorised in terms of a disorder or pathology.

UrbanFan · Yesterday 15:42

Get another friend to go with you. At least you aren't out of pocket

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · Yesterday 15:43

It’s not really last minute and she’s paid you in full, so you’re not out of pocket.

This post reads as though you have a problem with alcohol tbh

UncannyFanny · Yesterday 15:44

………

Friend has cancelled on me last minute
Kokonimater · Yesterday 15:45

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:29

Half of them have controlling husbands who don’t let them come out to the pub because they think it’s immature.

But what about the other half?
or would you not like to go with your husband?

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:48

SereneGoose · Yesterday 15:42

Where's the holiday? Maybe I (and other mn'ers?) can come instead? We could drink and hmm? Stage an intervention ?

Aiya Nappa.

OP posts:
murasaki · Yesterday 15:48

Kokonimater · Yesterday 15:45

But what about the other half?
or would you not like to go with your husband?

I suspect the husband might get in the way of the flirting.

eltondon · Yesterday 15:49

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:29

Half of them have controlling husbands who don’t let them come out to the pub because they think it’s immature.

It’s not uncommon for people to grow out of the ‘party’ lifestyle in their 40s. I’m 50 now and the last thing I want to do is waste a weekend away drunk or hungover.

I like to think I am good fun and enjoy a glass of wine or some cocktails with friends but I don’t want to be forced into a boozy weekend to please others.

Thankfully my friends are all of the same mindset, if the stars align and we end up in a late bar dancing, then great. But it’s seldom and it’s never expected or demanded.

Maybe you are just on different paths - but be mindful that a lot of friends in their mid 40s will be trying to cut back on boozing.

LilacReader · Yesterday 15:50

hungryowl · Yesterday 14:17

No

Why are we not surprsed?!!!

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 15:50

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:48

Aiya Nappa.

If this is real then you definitely lack self awareness

blueberrymilkshake · Yesterday 15:50

Is this nonsense still up 😂

murasaki · Yesterday 15:51

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:48

Aiya Nappa.

I find it helps to be able to spell where I'm going.

In my 20s, sure, sounds great. In my 40s, no chance.

FannybygaslightinGovan · Yesterday 15:51

You need to find new friends. This friend has outgrown you.

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 15:51

blueberrymilkshake · Yesterday 15:50

Is this nonsense still up 😂

It’s like a soap opera - doesn’t have to be plausible to be fun

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 15:52

hungryowl · Yesterday 14:23

To be fair she did suggest spa hotel but I think she needs to let her hair down and party tbh

And that, right there, is why you’re a monumental hypocrite to call her husband controlling. You knew she’d given up drinking and you don’t approve, so instead of respecting her boundaries you went ahead and planned a boozy weekend to get her back onto the slippery slope again.

blueberrymilkshake · Yesterday 15:52

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 15:51

It’s like a soap opera - doesn’t have to be plausible to be fun

Lol - true!

Bargarran · Yesterday 15:52

You're a rude, entitled, wannabe home wrecker.

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:53

murasaki · Yesterday 15:51

I find it helps to be able to spell where I'm going.

In my 20s, sure, sounds great. In my 40s, no chance.

She’s now telling me her husband doesn’t want her out and around younger men who are taking drugs and drinking 🙄🙄 apparently it’s a relationship boundary they’ve just discussed over the weekend

OP posts:
BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 15:53

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:53

She’s now telling me her husband doesn’t want her out and around younger men who are taking drugs and drinking 🙄🙄 apparently it’s a relationship boundary they’ve just discussed over the weekend

Let me guess - those were the activities you had planned?

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 15:54

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:48

Aiya Nappa.

Says it all.

murasaki · Yesterday 15:55

So he doesn't want her hanging out with a load of coked up, turkey teethed love island wannabes. Fair enough. I suspect she feels the same.

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 15:55

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:53

She’s now telling me her husband doesn’t want her out and around younger men who are taking drugs and drinking 🙄🙄 apparently it’s a relationship boundary they’ve just discussed over the weekend

And you think that’s unreasonable of him ? TBH OP the more you’re posting the more you’re coming across as a bad influence, trying your best to derail your friends’ sobriety.

hungryowl · Yesterday 15:55

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 15:53

Let me guess - those were the activities you had planned?

Yeah I booked us tickets to closing parties and a pool day for her at a beach club

OP posts:
RandomUserName96 · Yesterday 15:55

hungryowl · Yesterday 13:01

Surely if she’s having such a hard time as she’s saying a long weekend away would be exactly what she needs??!

But obviously not with you. And not getting wasted and shagging around