Aibu feeling uneasy about men taking little girls to the toilet in the womens toilet?

[Fasdmama]

I've seen this a few times and I dont know what is the right thing to do.
So the other week we were at the cinema. I took my daughter to the toilet and as I was waiting for her a man came out of a cubicle with a little girl and went to wash her hands.
It got me thinking.
I feel uncomfortable a man in the womens toilet. I understand how you'd potentially feel uncomfortable taking a daughter into the mens toilets.
And the only other option in this situation was the disabled toilet but morally thats wrong.

I dont know what I feel is right in this situation so wanted to know other people's opinions.
So yabu: its right for a man to take girl into female toilets
Yanbu: he should take her somewhere else...but where?

I didn’t use chat GPT. It’s from science direct on dehumanising.

Yes, people say pet affectionately as a term of endearment, this poster used it as an insult and said it in a derogatory fashion. Which means it’s dehumanising.

It’s not that hard to comprehend that using a derogatory animal based insult is dehumanising.

Yes that’s what I think too.

You don’t even understand the definition of dehumanising to link it to delicacy of temperament. See previous post,

I have not spoken about little girls as if they are delicate, you have alleged that of me. I keep asking you if girls are so tough, then why is it so bad for a woman to see one fully clothed dad helping his daughter in the women’s toilets? Aren’t adult women in a group versus one man tougher than one girl seeing multiple strange men? You constantly refuse to answer it and keep focusing on why can’t little girls go into the men’s’ when it is obvious it is for the exact same reasons why women shouldn’t have a man in the women’s toilets bar certain exceptions. You’ve even agreed that male cleaners and boys with mums are ok, but not provided any rationale as to why you don’t think the dad helping his daughter isn’t a valid exception.

I haven’t insulted you. You’re the one flinging insults at me saying I am a snowflake, pathetic, dramatic, ridiculous and calling girls precious pets in a derogatory fashion.

Instead of launching personal attacks, why not answer the question?

gotta run work calls

i can’t imagine a female walking in a men’s loos with her son. Is that genuinely that you think she should do? What about the dignity of the men I. There?

It's crazy isn't t it. These people walk amongst us

Men take dc to the men's toilets. Women take dc to the ladies.

The sex of the adult is the deciding factor. It really should be obvious but here we are.

Absolutely not. The adult here is the one who is more likely to perv on the opposite sex. The adults here are the ones that need privacy from men.I would never take my young DSs in the mens toilets. Same applies to DH when taking DD to the toilet - he wouldn't dream of going in the ladies and I sincerely hope this isn't going to become a thing. In fact with the confirmation last year that a women's toilet is for women (I believe there was provision for young children to be with an opposite sex parent in the toilet appropriate to the parent) I would hope that men don't try doing this any more.

Firstly the adult women aren't necessarily in a group. There could be a lone woman.

Secondly, the dad is there to chaperone the DD in the men's toilets. I'll guarantee the men in there will be less embarrassed about potentially being seen by a little girl than an adult woman but also far more likely to be a bit more discreet.

I believe the recent confirmation of the Equality Act does confirm that children should be in the toilet of their parent's sex.

Haven't read the full thread, but absolutely not in the disabled toilet unless they are a family room combo designed for that purpose. I have a paraplegic relative, able bodied people have no idea a) how hard public toilet access is for disabled people, b) how many able bodied people use disabled toilets thinking "oh it'll just be a minute it's fine" - but they're the 50th able bodied person that morning to monopolize the disabled facility and c) how often with disabilities the disabled person needs the toilet NOW, not in 5-10 mins when everyone else is done.

Having stood outside a public venue toilet with my paralyzed relative in agony and needing to empty her catheter bag quickly, it's bearable if another disabled person is occupying the facility, but absolutely infuriating when it is an able-bodied person. Was very tempted to empty it on the floor in front of the offender who was rightfully shamefaced.

If a man was in a womens toilet with his small daughter I literally would not give two shits. There are far bigger things to worry about, including that the man you're married to is probably a bigger safety threat to you and your children than a random dad helping his DD in the public bathroom. With far more opportunity to hurt you or your child should be want to.

DH often takes our DD (3) into the ladies.

Men literally have their penis's out in the men's, aside from how filthy they are and how much more vulnerable a girl is than grown women.
He goes into the cubicle with her, he's not loitering by the sinks. I have never heard of women being sexually assaulted by men using the toilets with their daughters. I have however heard of multiple instances of little girls being assaulted in the ladies when they've been without their parents!

I've seen dads outside the loos shouting through the doors because they're worried grown women won't let them enter. I always offer to help or tell them to go in/let them know the coast is clear.

At family attraction type places the mens is usually much better maintained and DH will always take her in the mens then.
He's frequently changed both kids as babies in the ladies when there's only been baby changing in there and not in disabled/long queue for the disabled toilets. He's never had an issue and is clearly only there with a baby.

The idea that little girls should cope with seeing penis' but grown women can't cope with a fully clothed man in a cubicle with his daughter is lunacy.

DH usually announces himself with his reason for being in there before entering.
I find it far stranger when I see boyd of about 9+ being taken into the ladies when they surely can manage on their own.

The above said, DH and I took our opposite sex children to their same-sex toilet, but had them loudly play knock knock joke games with us through the door. I'm sure it was obnoxious but it was an easy way to preserve same-sex privacy while also ensuring they were comfortable and not being accosted by some rando. When they were young enough to need help we didn't take our custom anywhere where there weren't unisex, single cubicle or family room spaces available. Think we only ever used a disabled space once, and this was before getting a close up look as to what disability actually is like when out and about. I think I'd rather crap in my own pants than to deny access to disabled people now. At least I can clean myself up and the process doesn't take an hour or potentially cause massive pain / skin lesions etc.

So I assume if you had a son you would take him into the men’s?

Your seem to have a bizarre idea about what goes on in the gents. Yes we use urinals, but discreetly, no penis on show. Go up to the urinal, unzip, wee, zip up, wash hands.

If the girl is in there with their dad, then she's not at risk from paedophiles. She is being safeguarded by their dad.

You're talking about lone girls, of course they should be in the ladies, with only ladies, no men.

Why on earth would you feel you can't use the toilers if a dad is there with his daughter?!
I hope you don't find out that an increasing number of toilets are unisex where they share a sink area 😮 and you have to walk through a door to get into the cubicles, just like in the ladies.

Funny you're arguing against men in women's spaces but you're a man on Mumsnet? That's far more creepy.

I'm with you on this.

And after knee surgery I had no qualms about using the cubicle in the gents in pubs where the ladies is upstairs and there hasn't been a disabled toilet.

Women don't walk around the ladies with their vaginas out or piss all over the floor.
Dads with young daughters aren't in there to see you fully clothed. I think either toilet is absolutely acceptable if you are taking a small child of the opposite sex IF the other toilet is grim.

As I said, when the gents is in a reasonable state such as at family attractions then DH will absolutely take them in the gents. But if the gents is grim with dirty toilets, piss on the floor, then he'll take her in the ladies rather than somewhere completely unhygienic.

Ultimately the small child's comfort is the most important.

I don't think men should e loitering by the sinks. If your child is of school age or around 6/7+ then they should go in the toilets on their own while the parent stands by the door outside.

Women aren't usually exposing their genitals on mumsnet

So you will be fine in a few years when your DD is 8/9yo, using a toilet alone, no other adults around, and a random man enters?
As long as he shouts first?

Do women expose their genitals in the ladies?! Gross! Behind closed doors only thanks.

sorry To get this straight- men’s loos are so filthy and dirty and men are waving their parts about that would be traumatic for a small child to handle but at the age of 5 this changes and boys should go in alone? What is a mom going to do standing outside of all that is going on inside the toilets?

mens loos sounds horrifying actually- I’m inclined to tell my teen son he should use the ladies. I had no idea the men were just standing there peeing all over the floor waving their bits around!!

Are you hard of thinking?
If a man is in a cubicle with his female toddler and is then washing her hands with her by the sink then my DD wouldn't find it strange at all.
You can't be stupid enough to think it's the same as a random lone man in the ladies. How strange.

How do you tell a good man from a bad man?

Bad men are capable of fathering children

Let me get this straight, you think a small child should handle seeing penis' but a fully clothed man taking his daughter to the toilet is traumatic for grown women 😂 so little girls should be better able to cope than grown women is what you are saying?!?

Why on earth is it morally wrong for anyone to go in the disabled loos who isn’t disabled? My understanding is that disabled people have priority for those loos but they aren’t exclusively for their use, especially since they’re often baby changing rooms anyway. I also can’t recall a single time when I’ve seen a queue for a disabled toilet.