Aibu feeling uneasy about men taking little girls to the toilet in the womens toilet?

[Fasdmama]

I've seen this a few times and I dont know what is the right thing to do.
So the other week we were at the cinema. I took my daughter to the toilet and as I was waiting for her a man came out of a cubicle with a little girl and went to wash her hands.
It got me thinking.
I feel uncomfortable a man in the womens toilet. I understand how you'd potentially feel uncomfortable taking a daughter into the mens toilets.
And the only other option in this situation was the disabled toilet but morally thats wrong.

I dont know what I feel is right in this situation so wanted to know other people's opinions.
So yabu: its right for a man to take girl into female toilets
Yanbu: he should take her somewhere else...but where?

Then most women need to grow a spine. A member of staff asks a question and you’re too scared to voice an objection? How do most women leave the house if they’re that terrified of a man’s presence? Don’t be so sexist. You would prefer the baby to be changed in the gents on the floor (gross), the floor of the pub (with everyone complaining and also gross), or waiting until back home (horrible for the baby). Those are the options. Not all pubs have gardens, and if it’s full of smokers or raining, it’s really cruel to make a baby be out there. But hey, who cares what happens to the baby so long as your ideological principles are intact, eh.

Don’t be a ridiculous. The baby could have still been made comfortable without him doing that. It’s not the baby’s comfort versus the comfort of women and girls.

Comments about ‘armed with a baby’ are ridiculous.

Your position is ridiculous: any man, no matter how well-supervised, is a terrifying monster. So terrifying that it’s better to make a baby suffer rather than have one around. And it absolutely IS about women’s comfort versus a baby’s comfort because you’ve made it like that. You are ok with inconveniencing a baby if that’s what it takes to preserve a single sex space. That’s a legitimate position, although one I disagree with, but have the intellectual honesty to say so.

Do we really have to do this? Pull the “you’re crazy” shit? That’s the kind of stunt men pull when they disagree with a woman. It’s a weak debating move and suggests you know you’re on shaky ground.

Ah okay.

Because it’s not a matching situation. Of course women aren’t going to walk into a bathroom where men could be using urinals. Women use cubicles so men aren’t going to see anyone’s genitalia if they bring their daughter in.

Please don’t message me privately.

And please don’t use phrases like ‘don’t you dare’ as it is unnecessarily aggressive.

How much genitalia does you think is on display in the gents?

But women being little boys into women’s changing rooms all the time

Of course not all men are monsters but they tend not to come with a big sign on them.

It is okay to want a single sex space to remain that way, and a father with a baby should be able to find a way to deal with a predictable issue without it causing an issue for anyone.

Which is a common sense thing to do when the toilet facilities were inadequate. Women were made aware. There was a staff member supervising. I hope they changed their provision. I expect he did the fastest nappy change ever. All was fine.

Woman are made aware and can have a choice to enter when a male cleaner props open the washroom door with a sign. We need clean toilets so it’s common sense.

My husband entered the Ladies toilet when I had a miscarriage so he could help me back to the car. The lady is the next cubicle had been handing me more toilet paper under the partition and I told her to go and find him. Also common sense.

Male paramedics attended a young woman who had collapsed in her cubicle in the toilets - we had seen her on the floor even though the door was shut, so we got her out and she was in the single sex washroom breathing again by the time they entered. Common sense. If she had been in a unisex environment she would not be alive because privacy overides the health and safety advantages of door gaps.

Men do not need to take a child into the female toilets, unless the male toilets aren't working and then accessible(s) is not free. Also common sense. The child is in the care of the adult. The biggest factor in whether the child will come to harm in a toilet is from the adult the child is with, not the men using the toilet around the child and adult. It’s why door gaps are useful for safeguarding in male and female toilets.

Yet most men are good men. They will avoid the child seeing too much of them. They would be respectful and if any child was in trouble, they would help them or get help.

Why? Either we’re going by the sex of the child, which is why done claim men should be able to take their daughters into ladies loos, or we’re going by the sex of the parent in Which case the men should take his daughter into the men’s. If it is the first, then surely little boys should be taken into the men’s?

How have you the audacity to ask the PP to not use phrase " don't you dare" No matter the fact your stances couldn't be further apart, surely you can see what you accused her of in your deleted post was beneath contempt.

i don’t think anyone has answered the question previously posed - what if it is the dad who needs the toilet and not the child? Should he use the gents and bring his daughter in with him or should be use the female loos and every female needs to suck it up? If he can go in the female loos with his daughter, why shouldn’t he be allowed without her?

This. Glad some people get it. And why on earth is it morally wrong to use a toilet adapted for disabled people? What if more than one person with a disability needed that toilet? There would be a queue. They are allowed to queue. I think it's morally wrong there is only ever one adapted bathroom available, but it isn't solely for people with disabilities. It's an adapted bathroom free for anyone to use. Ideally, if you don't need it then don't tie it up, but a bloke with a young daughter absolutely needs to use it because he isn't allowed in the women's toilets. Next time: ask them to leave. Make a scene.

And why didn't he use the unisex / disabled bathroom..? Bit odd that he would rather break the rules and make women feel uncomfortable by inserting himself where he isn't even allowed.

By the way, some perverts might be installing spy cams / devices like this by pretending they have to be there due to the child they have with them. Defend women's rights. No one else will.

What the hell do people think is happening in the gents? People aren't wandering about with their dicks out having a chat, they are having a wee, (not) washing their hands and leaving. It's not a willy fest. And willies are just a body part. If blokes are flashing everyone, do you want young boys in there alone either? If men are leaving toilets in a disgusting state, then men need to call out other men. Once again, this isn't women's problem to solve.

No if someone hasn’t got a disability then they shouldn’t use the disabled toilet.

Id rather my DD wasn't in a men's loo too but the option of DH taking her in the mens and being in control or him being in the ladies making other women or even young girls uncomfortable is worse.

Imagine the confusion of a young 8 year old going into the ladies on her own while her dad stayed outside and other girls dad just tramps his way though. The waiting dad would likely feel really concerned too.

Who’s to say those are the rules?

When I was growing up boys and girls used the ladies with our mums until the boys felt old enough to venture into the mens themselves. Just my experience, obviously. If dads were around the boys would go to the men’s with their dads.

I don’t really care what people do tbh, it just wouldn’t bother me if a man brought his little girl into the ladies. I’ve seen it happen maybe twice in my life and I’ve been fine with it.

I didn’t accuse her of anything.

Of course, by referring to a post you knew had been deleted, you can imply all kinds of things.

And that’s fine for you to be okay with it but I think the allowing boys into the women’s toilets ‘until they feel ready’ to go to the gents isn’t ideal.

Yeah, you pretty much did, hence why the post was deleted.

So if little boys and girls used the ladies when out with their mums why shouldn't little girls(as well as boys, of course) use the men's room when out with their dads? I don't think the explanation given that there's more to see in the men's room hold water since little boys are often even in women's change rooms where there is much more visible.