Aibu feeling uneasy about men taking little girls to the toilet in the womens toilet?

[Fasdmama]

I've seen this a few times and I dont know what is the right thing to do.
So the other week we were at the cinema. I took my daughter to the toilet and as I was waiting for her a man came out of a cubicle with a little girl and went to wash her hands.
It got me thinking.
I feel uncomfortable a man in the womens toilet. I understand how you'd potentially feel uncomfortable taking a daughter into the mens toilets.
And the only other option in this situation was the disabled toilet but morally thats wrong.

I dont know what I feel is right in this situation so wanted to know other people's opinions.
So yabu: its right for a man to take girl into female toilets
Yanbu: he should take her somewhere else...but where?

Not being funny but where should he have changed the baby? On the floor of the pub? In the garden? I’m being serious. Where should he have gone?

I’ve never seen this . I suppose the only solution to that is women bringing their little boys into the mens ? I’ve never heard anything more ludicrous. And do you know it’s not the little children with the issues they don’t care as long as they have their parent with them it’s completely the adults driving this behaviour with such warped views

He needs to carry disposable changing mats with him when he takes baby out and he can use the men's toilets or he can find somewhere else (not my problem). The only thing he can't do is use a single sex space for women.

“Find somewhere else (not my problem)”. So you would rather a baby sat in a soiled nappy for longer rather than have a man use a ladies’ toilet where the changing table is where there are no women present. You would prefer a baby lay on a piss-covered floor in the gents. You would prefer a baby’s genitals are exposed to passersby rather than wait for a few minutes for a man, supervised by a staff member, to finish using the baby changing facilities. Mumsnet is unbelievable sometimes.

Read what I said and don't misconstrue.

I’m not. That’s the logical consequence of banning the man in the specific case you were responding to. If you don’t like those logical consequences, change your position. You would prefer your own comfort over a baby’s. That’s fine, but at least own it.

I would definitely rather he brought his little girl into the ladies than make her have to go into the gents. Dad's with little girls are welcome in my opinion

You can never get it right. The baby changing is often in the disabled loo, and I got yelled at for being in there with my 3 month old. The only way to get it right is a camping loo with an integral screen and even then someone would complain about the smell.

I know it’s a bit drastic but he could always have taken a changing mat with him and yes, done it on the floor or in the garden (well away from food, drink and other customers of course).

The fact that he had no issue going into the ladies is grim

Or take a changing mat and do it on the ground. Of course people will complain about the smell.

Of course it's grim. I did suggest the father should have taken a disposable changing mat. No matter women are in the mess we are when when give away our single sex spaces because they think it's the kind thing to do - sod the rest of us.

I’ve had to do it once or twice over the years abroad with no changing table in the loos and so has my husband . Always in a single cubicle loo though. It is grim . But changing tables are pretty grim anyway. they are probably as dirty as the floor guarantee if swabbed you would find all sorts of nasty bugs same as the floor with all the pooey nappies being changed on them. There should be more of them in men’s though it’s sexist having them in the women’s only for sure

But at the time, having had a staff member check there was no one in there, it was just a room. No women were harmed in the changing of this baby!

They need to be completely separate from the other facilities or people need to make sure they are prepared in case they aren’t available.

Is that your measure of what’s reasonable? Nobody was harmed?

Most of the men I know wouldn’t dream of stepping into a woman’s toilets because they would realise it was completely inappropriate.

So the women's toilets is out of bounds for women because a man is allowed in to change his baby?? No thought of the women totally inconvenienced by this entitled man? The OP also said "the women were okay" or words to that effect. So you have no idea how many women were "harmed" by not being able to use the toilets at that time.

Oh no! The toilets were out of bounds for two minutes, just like they would have been if they were occupied by women.

The singular, selfish culture we are heading into is really depressing.

Not entirely, but it's a good starting point. How is it inappropriate if there was nobody in there and the women waiting were ok with it?

The women waiting didn’t say they weren’t okay with it - it isn’t the same thing,

Even if they were, he should have stayed out. He didn’t have to be in there presumably, he could have changed the nappy elsewhere.

But of course it’s all about not inconveniencing the men 🙄

I don’t think anyone defending a man going into a woman’s toilets can accuse anyone of being selfish.

@Utterlybutter @Anarchy99 Don’t lump
me in with the “be kind” brigade thank you very much. It’s a foolish conclusion to draw from my response and actually quite untrue. What I am is a pragmatist and pro-babies, so if a member of staff is there to ensure women are not harmed or even inconvenienced, and a baby is made comfortable quickly, I see nothing wrong. It’s hardly the same as a man waltzing in with an older child because it suits him. The fact that a woman might have to cross her legs for a few minutes to ensure a baby is comfortable I think it’s fine.

Perhaps you shouldn’t leave your houses in case you might encounter a man armed with a baby. Like it or not, and I’m sure you don’t, men are involved in childcare these days and facilities are not always up to date to accommodate that. They should be, but there we are. A decent compromise was made so a man could use a changing table in what was effectively an empty room.

That doesn’t make any sense.

No, it’s about not inconveniencing a BABY. Even male babies deserve to have their nappy changed promptly and in privacy.

He could have changed it anywhere else. He could still have done it promptly and privately without going into a female space.

Most women won’t tell a man if they are uncomfortable that he is there but it doesn’t mean they are comfortable.

Well, if mums don't take their little boys into the men's why should dads take their little girls into the women's? I think that's their point.