Aibu feeling uneasy about men taking little girls to the toilet in the womens toilet?

[Fasdmama]

I've seen this a few times and I dont know what is the right thing to do.
So the other week we were at the cinema. I took my daughter to the toilet and as I was waiting for her a man came out of a cubicle with a little girl and went to wash her hands.
It got me thinking.
I feel uncomfortable a man in the womens toilet. I understand how you'd potentially feel uncomfortable taking a daughter into the mens toilets.
And the only other option in this situation was the disabled toilet but morally thats wrong.

I dont know what I feel is right in this situation so wanted to know other people's opinions.
So yabu: its right for a man to take girl into female toilets
Yanbu: he should take her somewhere else...but where?

But it’s ok for little boys to see that?

Unfortunately grotty loos are a fact of life . Plenty of womens public toilets are absolutely foul

Then take her to cleaner facilities. Why do women have to accommodate men’s shitty habits?

That is disgusting. Why do people go to places like that?

I'm not sure whether you're being purposefully obtuse or not but I'll answer anyway: little girls are statistically more at risk of CSA than little boys. There is also the fact of the girl's own comfort and dignity to consider.

And they are more likely to be at risk from males they know, including their fathers.

With their dads standing right beside them in the toilets ? I do not think so . Little girls are not more important than little boys . If it is that dangerous and uncomfortable no children should be in there at all

Which is completely irrelevant to the issue we're discussing.

I think that’s pretty common in most gyms and leisure’s centres. I can’t remember the last time I saw a place with cubicles tbh unless they were family cubicles . Certainly don’t see individual cubicles often inside a strictly female changing room.

Indeed they are vulnerable. But one has a grown man protecting her, and the other needs orotecting from unknown males.

I know we all believe our husbands, childrens fathers etc are Good Men... but fatherhood isnt an absolute guarantee that a man is a safe person.

Well, I agree that men's toilets shouldn't be designed with exposed urinals. But here we are.

Adults should go to the correct toilet FOR THEM. Not for their DC.

Men don’t go around washing their willies at urinals.

Women are legally entitled to single-sex spaces, no matter what some men think.

But your point was irrelevant. It was clutching at straws . A little girl is at no more risk of a little boy of being abused in the presence of their dad in the toilet.. unless it’s by the actual dad himself probably

Do you know how ‘exposed’ they are? They really aren’t,

Normal adults don’t tend to
wave their genitals about in front of others .

And she has her father to ensure she is safe.

No, I agree with that. I just don't think that the distress that, say, a four year old girl might feel at having to go into the men's with her father should be casually dismissed as invalid but the feelings of a girl or woman having to come out of a cubicle and see a man helping his daughter are seen as valid and right. I don't think this viciousness towards people who want to protect the first little girl is really helping anyone.

what about changing rooms with no cubicles then . Do you think men should plonk themselves in the women’s for the “dignity” of the little girl ? Or should those little
girls just not learn to swim if they don’t have a mum to bring them

Of course, men could get around this problem by actively campaiging for family toilets in shopping centres, museums, parks etc.

Stock photo but you get the idea. The only way to see anything would be to stand between the man and the urinal.

I don’t think it’s a problem for most men . I think most men just get on with it and bring their children to the men’s. Otherwise the women’s would be teaming with men and children

No, they should either go to a pool with cubicles or arrive swim ready. Obviously.

Going for a swim is a completely different, pre-planned situation. It's not the same as being caught short and a little girl suddenly needing the toilet. Again, obviously.

Yes, thank you for showing me, I am indeed familiar with what a men's toilet looks like 🙄

Still an uncomfortable thing to have to walk past, for a young girl.

I am talking about one with no cubicles . Obviously obviously obviously

Yes... I know. Go to a different one. Or arrive swim ready.

Yeh well most of us know by the time we are tots that men stand up to pee and don’t see it as a big deal

Really sorry this happened to you.

The vote does not reflect many polls that consistently say men and women want separate facilities. It also does not reflect guidance, regulations and legislation.

I research toilet safety. To do so I look at lots of viewpoints and case studies. I have come across mumsnet threads about toilets on different social media platforms. They attract attention.

Unfortunately, there are some people that talk about transgressing boundaries in toilets and they are trying to find loopholes in which to get men into women’s toilets. If they can’t do that they are trying to alarm women by saying that everything has to go unisex. This won’t happen for all sorts of reasons, including economics, discrimination, legislation, health and safety guidance and building regs.

There are a few court cases that have gone through recently that back what you are saying. And common sense.

The way the cinema should sort this is that they should have another accessible toilet that is heavily monitored, leading on to a public space. A changing places toilet is great as they are few and far between so people will have very specific needs that should be prioritised. What would be even better is for them to have a larger ambulant toilet, even an accessible one (all with door and partition gaps) within single sex accommodation. Therefore independent people in wheelchairs could go straight into a toilet that caters for their needs within safer and more hygienic designs.

Radar keys were introduced as people use toilets for sex, drugs and vandalism - not just because people wanted to skip any queues. The problem with creating any large, mixed sex toilets is that the design has to be private. They are prone to misuse. Single sex toilet-washroom with toilet cubicles that have door and partitions gaps are safer and more hygienic.