AIBU to think this is completely normal?

[Marycontrarygarden]

So, this morning I woke up, played with my 1.5 year old for a little while, then decided a little me time would be nice this morning. Told OH l, I feel like going to get a coffee, he replied, do it. I said great, won't be long, he replied, take as long as you like, 'baby' and I may go out or do some DIY x. AIBU to think this is what most parents should expect from their OH? It seems like it is not the norm on here. BTW we both work full time Mon to Fri.

“It’s incredibly sad for me to admit I cannot have it.”

You can if you stand up for yourself and insist upon it rather than being told what you’re “allowed” by someone you’re supposed to be equal partners with.

Yeah my husband is normal and not a monster too. 👍

Yep and some women on here are absolutely adamant that EVERY SINGLE MAN watches p**n and we’re just naive if we think our husband doesn’t. They can’t conceive the possibility that a man wouldn’t want to watch.

My relationship is far from perfect but once I wasn't breastfeeding, I have always had easy and free will to do what I want to do and vice versa, if it's ever felt uneven then we have discussed it and changed it with no drama, but that's usually been a case of the overwhelmed person not arranging or asking, nobody's ever said no to the other or even been reluctant.

A lot of people never see a normal functioning relationship, they were raised with dysfunctional or single parents, and only hear the drama. It explains a lot of reason why people stay in bad relationships. So it was posts like this and people listing the 'normal but nice' things on forums like this that made me realise my relationship as a very young parent (20 years ago) was actually abusive rather than a bit difficult. So whilst people don't post the normal or the good, posts like this can be very important.

Yeah that would have put me off going!

I wondered if that wasn't his intention actually ...

It is when you have one 18m old.

It tends to get trickier when you have two older kids. You start out where you manage to get swimming lessons at the same time & its easy, maybe you take turns to take them. Then one has to move to the tuesday class. And one wants to do football but the other prefers gym. One has a party, the other needs a haircut. Most parents I know are each separately taking DC to different things a good chunk of the weekend.

It gets where quite often there's simply less free time to go around. It can also be less pleasant looking after two madcap bickering older toddlers /primary age DC vs a baby who naps.... and people start to resent that long round of golf or that 3 hour shopping trip.

I'd assume he wanted to have a wank or play computer games and zero DIY would be getting done.

I'd also wonder who would be caring for the child while he did these things?

Was the 'baby' in inverted commas?

Either way I'd find it pretty nauseating being called that. When I'd not long ago given birth to an actual baby. That he seemingly didn't feel the need to take sole charge of.

There was a comma. Not sure why this is confusing so many people.

Normal in my household. My kids are older now (11 and 8) so it’s fairly easy going, but we’ve always had a good relationship with each other. Nowadays it would be more likely to be hampered by logistics over who needs to be ferried where for sports or play dates or whatever, but there would be time for coffee and alone time after dropping them off!

But I do think the jump from 1-2 kids can be a shock, particularly for the DH, as those kind of interactions are quite easy with one toddler, but add in a baby and then that first toddler is now older and wilder, and both parents are exhausted and more stressed and me time is more needed but also much more difficult to get.

Also mumsnet would be very boring if everyone only posted about their perfectly reasonable DHs sharing the load