AIBU to think this is completely normal?

[Marycontrarygarden]

So, this morning I woke up, played with my 1.5 year old for a little while, then decided a little me time would be nice this morning. Told OH l, I feel like going to get a coffee, he replied, do it. I said great, won't be long, he replied, take as long as you like, 'baby' and I may go out or do some DIY x. AIBU to think this is what most parents should expect from their OH? It seems like it is not the norm on here. BTW we both work full time Mon to Fri.

I don’t understand why people complain about “negativity” on here. One of its primary purposes is a place for people to come to look for advice or support with problems they are experiencing.
There’s no reason that it has to be a positive place or representative of how the average person’s life is. Where do people get this idea from?

OP, it's completely normal.

But there are women who post on here who are wedded to the idea that all men are crap and will accuse you of lying or being in denial if you say otherwise.

It may be unintentional.but it does sound like you feel you have it all sorted and that others should set the bar higher.

I don't feel that I have it all sorted but, yes, a lot of women do need to set the bar higher. What are you advocating for otherwise?

No, the equivalent would be: I just had a baby and I’m ecstatic (or one of the other examples), AIBU to think this is normal/ everyone should experience this in this way?

It would be the same in my relationship, I do agree the selection bias, but what I seriously struggle with is the level of women hating that comes out in the responses. My arsehole husband, who never pulls his weight, wants to ruin our child's birthday, then the responses, "oh stop being ridiculous of course he is entitled to be a massive dick." It's just so depressing.

Ok thats a fair point but I do still think if a post upsets you then just move on.

You arent obliged to engage in things that you dont like

Yes it’s normal. Both parents deserve to still be individuals and not just mum or dad.

I don’t work currently as I’m on maternity, yet my husband will take our baby out for the morning both days on the weekend so I can catch up on some sleep/chill on my own.

Hes exclusively breast fed and we’re not using bottles so there’s only so long he can be away from me but my husband has already said he can’t wait until he’s a bit older and more dependent on food so that he can make their one on one time a bit longer.

This is absolutely normal in my relationship. Actually because of my high anxiety and PTSD I often get myself worked up because I can’t “do everything” and my husband will look at me and say “well who is expecting you to do everything? Go and sit down” so he will take care of me just as much as I take care of him.

Have you discussed his attitude and how he upsets you?

The "take as long as you need" approach is not normal for me, not because I don't have a supportive DH but because we don't live life that way. We currently have five kids living in our house (three are ours), two have medical needs, one is suspected to be ND. I work FT and DH works a lot more than FT. Consequently our free time is planned out like everything else in our lives, otherwise the wheels would fall off. So I definitely get "me time," but I can't just swan off and come back whenever I feel like it - nor would he do that to me. I don't think our way of doing things is wrong or abnormal, just a consequence of having busier lives i guess.

Do people on here actually tell other people who say they’re happily that they’re lying and all men are crap? I’ve never come across this.

Good advice for the OP.

How old are they? I have a lot of education experience without going into too much detail. Feel free to DM.

I disagree 😊

Yes, they do.

There was a recent thread about cheating and whether you could trust your partners. Several people said they did trust their partners (not blindly but in general) and loads of people told them they were idiots and their partners will inevitably cheat on them, that they are naive and stupid to trust.

Ive seen people accused of lying and bragging too

For everyone too. If a thread is making you angry then walk away from it.

You sound fantastic, genuinely.

Love this @Marycontrarygarden and it should be normal. It isn't though, no matter how much posters like to deny it.
Beware of the bitters who will come along and try pull your post apart.
Women should collectively, set the bar higher because it's only getting worse, not better, especially with the rise of the red pill lot.

Hope you enjoy your coffee.

If people do come to lie or brag I feel for them. There must be a reason behind it.

Thank you. I hope you have a lovely day, whatever you are doing. I don't mind if people don't like it, as others have said, they can move along.

I am sure many people do lie and brag.

I am also sure many people are just being honest and others dont want to hear it so accuse them of it

He didn’t 😂 try reading op again 🙄

Depends if this goes both ways, and how often one parent is left to do it on their own, and what else is going on…

I don’t think it’s normal for multiple reasons.

1 - not many people seem to have down days on here. They’re always busy.
2 - if they do go for a coffee it tends to be planned way ahead of time.
3 - they usually want to spend the time with their DPs as a family.
4 - not enough women get ‘me’ time, especially SAHMs

I think that you randomly deciding to get a coffee with such a young child is quite rare.

I’m guessing you were feeling extra stressed and needing to get away from it and it’s lovely that your DP is so supportive and doesn’t question you.

You can love your kids but still get overwhelmed and need the break and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I think it’s something that a lot of men don’t understand which is why women tend to get less breaks.

My sisters DH is not happy if she wants too much me time.
He works 1 week on, 1 week off so has loads of child-free time. and she works apart from weekends.
So the weekends are the only time she gets to have famity time with her DH and DC. He moans if she wants to go out on weekends too often because he says that’s family time - I would see it as controlling but many women on here would agree with him.

Exactly this.

My husband was/is the same. Most men I know are the same.

People say mumsnet hates men but posters only talk about their husbands who are problematic. The good ones don’t get posts made about them.

Yes, giving each other 'me' time is normal in a relationship..or rather it should be normal. Unfortunately, a lot of women on MN don't seem to experience a husband/partner who thinks he's as responsible for his child as his wife/partner!