AIBU to think this is completely normal?

[Marycontrarygarden]

So, this morning I woke up, played with my 1.5 year old for a little while, then decided a little me time would be nice this morning. Told OH l, I feel like going to get a coffee, he replied, do it. I said great, won't be long, he replied, take as long as you like, 'baby' and I may go out or do some DIY x. AIBU to think this is what most parents should expect from their OH? It seems like it is not the norm on here. BTW we both work full time Mon to Fri.

sounds like he is trying to impress you
are you hard to please?

Yes, it's normal (although became less frequent when we had three through sheer logistics). I have a weekend away by myself every year as well.

But Mumsnet is like the problem page of a magazine - no point writing when everything is great.

Of course its normal!

But as PP have said, noone posts the mundane, normal parts of their lives and if they did, they'd get few responses.

Hearing that someone has a caring, supportive partner isnt dramatic, sensationalist and shocking so people arent going to be drawn in to comment on it like they are when someone posts something outrageous their partner has done.

I have also seen people accused of "bragging" when they dare to mention the good things their partners have done so you cant really win!

Oh ok. Maybe I misread! Apologies!

I think this is the reason I posted. Please don't think I have the perfect relationship but I do have an OH who does understand my need for alone time even though he says he doesn't really need it himself. Perhaps it is that in my work it is full on from 7.30 to 5 or later and constant talk/people management whereas he works mostly alone with the exception of meetings.

In your case, how do you think you could make OH understand? Could he take his me time and then you have yours so he sees the benefits?

Oh haha don't worry.

100%. But we all know that there are no perfect relationships. I am highlighting a need a lot of people have for a little time alone away from the touching and constant needs of children.

True. I often wonder how people with more children do it. It's very easy for me to say oh I'm going for coffee, I only have one child. It must be so tough to do with more.

Haha nice try.

Love that x

Not at all. I think you can't compare your rather easy circumstances to others. For example, if I had got up this morning and told DH I was going out for coffee he would have quite rightly asked me how he was going to get all 3 kids to the different things they needed to get to, while on call, and waiting in for a Tesco delivery.

For sure, and my husband was always great with that, I never felt like I couldn't take a break.

That doesnt mean I have a "perfect relationship" but I am very glad my husband isnt a selfish dick. Some of the things I read on here are pretty shocking

100% I'm thinking about all of the shift workers out there who literally cannot do it as their OH may need to sleep. It's bloody tough.

Also read the relationships board to see how many people thought they had a perfect relationship until they didn’t!

Couldn't be further from the truth. And I'm sure I'll be on here looking for advice on something soon.

Well it is an advice forum and as PP have said, there’s little point in people posting about how great their relationship is, I guess.

Tbf people don’t post about this kind of thing because, on a forum like MN, it risks sounding a bit smug.

Exactly- I have seen people post positive things about their partners only to be met with "well bully for you- not all of us are so lucky" or "no need to brag about it" etc. Telling people you have a happy relationship rarely goes down well.

I suppose it's a bit like telling people you have lots of money. People dont like to hear that

Thanks, I did get a couple of hours yesterday but it's been quite a hard week as my youngest is struggling to access school.

Thank you for your reply.
I think it’s so hard to explain why you need me time to someone who seems to not need it. He just works at work or works with the kids. Does not slow down (literally: gets impatient before desert and the meal already provided calories, sometimes we go to the same place and I want a leisurely stroll, he would leave ten mins after me to do one mor thing at work or home). I went away for 4 days earlier this year with my girlfriends - he moaned about it for 2 months before and may as well keep brining it up in conversations until I do another comparably shocking thing. I’m at a point of encouraging our shared friends to offer to take him out, I never said no to his rare beer with mates or a bike trip I actively encourage him and genuinely love to see him being carefree and happy for a bit! I would happily let him go for 3-4 weekends a year - we could plan it and I could have some lovely time with kids, I’m very independent and resilient. It’s this bit that I cannot understand and hurts: he would never see me happy that I got myself something I look nice in or went to distract myself on a trip with a friend, it’s always guilt tripping me one way or another.

what makes it doubly weird it that not many men are like this, and since he does nothing for himself in terms of self care, trips or friendships, whenever I go out “I’m out again leaving the poor guy with ALL the kids”.

And it’s quite judgy to talk about it being what others should expect. It may be unintentional.but it does sound like you feel you have it all sorted and that others should set the bar higher.

We all know people who have wonderful partners and sometimes that is the case. Sometimes it turns out not to be.

Who would it be “nice” for?
People who have this don’t need to read about it being normal, people who don’t- you’re just rubbing it in their faces. That’s not nice at all.

Hiding the relationships board was one of my best MN moves.

I'd just make a pot of coffee for us both, but then it's a bit far to a coffee shop, will you bring one home for DH or will he go get his own later.

In many cases the women posting on MN should set their bars higher. That doesn’t necessarily mean the people saying it have cracked everything

I sort of agree with this, but then isnt every topic rubbing someone's face in something?

Eg If someone is happy they just gave birth or found out they are pregnant - thats rubbing it in someone's face they are infertile

If someone posts about how supportive their mum is, its rubbing it in someone's face that their mum is dead or abusive

If someone posts that they just got engaged, its rubbing it in someone's face they just got divorced

If someone posts asking advice about where to invest money, its rubbing someone's face in the fact they have no savings at all

I think people have to take some responsibility for not going on to threads if they know they are only going to upset them.