AIBU to think this is completely normal?

[Marycontrarygarden]

So, this morning I woke up, played with my 1.5 year old for a little while, then decided a little me time would be nice this morning. Told OH l, I feel like going to get a coffee, he replied, do it. I said great, won't be long, he replied, take as long as you like, 'baby' and I may go out or do some DIY x. AIBU to think this is what most parents should expect from their OH? It seems like it is not the norm on here. BTW we both work full time Mon to Fri.

Yes normal. But on MN people don't need to post normal, they post when unhappy.

Ok Baby.

My DH would have also vacuumed the house and ran me a bath. Are you using your "me time" to post this?

We will never find out whether this is the norm because usually people don't start threads in your position. Selection bias...
Many of my friends have partners who share childcare so it's perfectly natural for me. But of we go a generation back, it was a lot less so. I can only hope things will continue improving.

Ah...you speak true. I think a lot of posts this morning about relationships were so sad when the woman is not 'allowed' these things.

That could certainly be true some of the time, but if the other parent has had a shitty week then the answer could be somewhat different and that's OK. You're not entitled to go off and leave the other parent to it.

Other than the possibility of the baby toddling about with a giant hammer and a mouthful of nails, perfectly normal.

Yes, how sad. Going to read my book in between.

I guess, it comes from reading so many posts where Mums are asking if they should be allowed 'me time'. Maybe reading posts that reflect a fair relationship might be nice.

I fu*king hope not.

We would probably plan it out a bit more, but yes, both getting a break is important. But you have one 1.5 year old and you can't really compare that with families with say 2 or more ND children and parents are also ND or have health issues or work opposite shifts etc etc. To have that kind of relaxed "take as long as you like" outlook isn't available to those of us who are pushed beyond our limits by our children's needs. Children who may not be in school or nursery at times due to their needs so for lots of people there's not even that break.

There wouldn't be a AIBU if that was the case, I think many others have pointed this out already. Very few need to come on here if their relationship is thriving, it's an advice forum. Plus "take all the time you need" is dependent on family situations. I have a 16 month old and 4 month old and a very ill dog at the moment. Free Time can be subjective but its equal between dh and I all the same.

That must be so hard and yes I can see that my post is quite naive and specific to one child families. I am sending a hug and hope you get a coffee to yourself today x

I guess so, but do you not think that all the negativity on here almost becomes a 'norm' in some people's opinion?

I think this is normal but people don’t post about normal. My DH and I share the load as do most of friends and their husbands.

Agreed. Lots of golf and outings threads on here that only seem to benefit one partner.

Yep I’ve just said to DH I need to do a long run at some point today so he said I should go and do that and he will take kids to the park and then do some sorting in the house. We are relaxed about this stuff but we have an easy 7 and 4yo and our relationship has always been easy in itself. Yesterday I went for a coffee with a pal and then he went out on his bike for an hour or so later in the day. We’ve never really argued, fallen out, had problems navigating this kind of stuff. It’s just come easy to us, we naturally have that sort of give and take pattern and it’s not something either of us think about.

It sort of defeats the object of AIBU if people post about normal/reasonable stuff

No not really, I think if this forum had all positive stories, it would crash by morning. It's designed to be dramatic and negative. People come here to read the drama. It's set up as an advice forum so naturally people who are in the thick of it come on here to vent. I updated my last post but you already had posted, but I also think situations have to be taken into account too. How many kids, are there any health issues ect...I've a 16 month old and a 4 month old and as I said earlier a very ill dog, breaks are hard to come by at the moment for both dh and I. That's goes for many others too who have caring duties, needs, work commitments.

Is the fact my husband and I are normal fully functional adults who help each other like grown ups that interesting on inn?

Neither of us are perfect but if someone is that invested in perfect they will never find anyone who is nut one of us wants to do something we work it out

The only thing that I don't find very "normal" about your post is the idea that a man might call a grown woman "baby". But setting that aside, yes, it sounds like a very normal interaction.

Enjoy your coffee.

No, he’s not calling her ‘baby’, he’s saying that he and [the] baby may go out or do DIY while the OP has coffee.

Tbf people don’t post about this kind of thing because, on a forum like MN, it risks sounding a bit smug.

People will assume that (a) you are saying it to judge those with useless partners or (b) that people can so easily change down the line

I have 3 kids and unfortunately I’ve come to the realisation it’s not normal in my household. This is the kind to relationship I thought I would have. I married a modern, bright, handsome and funny guy, way more involved with kids than his dad or my dad have ever been. Top uni, great career. I think he desperately needs me time but he became a stereotypical self-sacrificing mum. We have the space and money to get support so that each of us could have their own things like sports and friends and still do things together but he does not see the need and therefore does not understand this need in me.
I realised this when I spoke to a neighbour one Saturday and he casually said his wife was doing some shopping (as in clothes shopping for herself, not groceries, and for pleasure not because of a sudden need). I wouldn’t even dare to ask, and yes I would very much feel like I need to be allowed to do this, which is ridiculous and so hard to even write about.
when we had a conversation about this recently and I said I’m exhausted because I have little me time, and suggested carving out some time for us separately, he said “what did I expect?”. He also thinks I compare myself too much to “people form instagram”, read American psychologists, am part of the self-centered cult etc. Well I expected a dynamic like in your post, OP. It’s incredibly sad for me to admit I cannot have it.

Of course it’s normal. People posting different situations to this on here know they aren’t in good relationships and want help.