AIBU to ask for advice on how to overturn a school decision - quickly

[Canwehavesesomesanityback]

What can I do to overturn a school decision - quickly? It is regarding mobile phones. The school has introduced a no phones at school policy. If a teacher is on a journey home and sees a child on a phone, they will “chase them down the street and snatch it out of their hand” as it shows they had a phone in school.

There was a horrible and frightening incident fairly near school today. So whilst school were busying themself with catching children out for taking a blazer off at a bus stop or using a phone after school, my child was involved in something bloody terrifying. I’ve been up half the night. It should involve the police, but we are not going down that road and time would have been of the essence anyway. My husband was driving about a minute away from her at the time, happily oblivious. I’m shaken up, but also feel in an impossible situation.

This occurred close to school, with a couple of friends, in daylight with people nearby. Her journey also includes much larger elements where she’s on her own and secluded. I’m really fucking angry and revolted too (huge understatement) that the school have the power to dictate the removal of a tool for use outside of school, compromising my child’s safety.

As a bare minimum, I want a brick phone allowed in school - turned off, handed in, confiscated if used or seen - I don’t care. I want them to find a way that the other 97% of schools do, so that my child has access to a phone, even if it’s just a brick phone, should she need it out of school.

They have lots of draconian rules, appear very rigid and authoritarian. I can grit my teeth on those. I cannot grit my teeth on this one. It’s a very large academy, gives the impression so far that “we are always right and totally trustworthy” and others will have it wrong or lie. Please help. How best to approach a school that seems terrified of giving an inch, (whilst it simultaneously encroaches the fuck and takes miles) to get an outcome that will make my child safer out of school.

If you’ve read this far, please help. I also believe from what I’ve seen so far that if I raise this, the school will frequently check my daughter’s bag. I am willing to now break the rules on this, but obviously can’t keep replacing mobiles and she shouldn’t have to be punished by school for it either.

Why do you think school rules don't apply to your child?

Yep, that’s me, so terrified of life that I take my phone to Tesco.

Honestly you will be better off moving her. The vast majority of schools do not have rules as strict as this - and no way would most teachers be chasing children down the street to enforce rules out of school hours. So you are battling a massive culture issue. Save yourself the trouble and go elsewhere.

Lucky you (said sincerely not sarcastically). I’m not aware of any payphones anywhere that I or my kids go. Our local train station, shopping centre, and park definitely don’t have them.

I am with you, OP. Sorry to hear something bad happened to your child and hope she’s ok.

I totally get why children shouldn’t have phones in schools but many do need them for the journey - for bus tickets and to be able to contact parents in an emergency.

when I was a kid mobile phones weren’t a thing BUT there were phone boxes everywhere. Good luck finding one now.

i disagree with PP saying to give her a phone and keep it quiet because I don’t think it is right to put the pressure of lying/duplicity onto a child.

i would be contacting the school explaining that this incident happened and you do not want your child not to be able to contact you should similar happen again. You respect the school policy not to have phones in schools, your child will have a phone so who should she hand it in to for safekeeping during the day.

Stop it. Teachers jumping out of cars to accost children after school. Hahahahaha. The Saturday fake posts are the best!

Is there a school fb group or similar where yiu can discuss this with other parents - if enough complain they will have to compromise and yiu won’t be the only person feeling this way.

Oh my, a lot of responses! I’ve been on the phone with one of the parents of another girl involved. My daughter is also awake now.

It also only occurred to me after my post that if my husband had been able to text her that he’d be nearby when she finished school and there was an opportunity for a lift, she would have seen that when she switched her phone on outside school. She wouldn’t have even gone down the bloody street where the incident took place. She could have waited outside school for five minutes and he could have texted her to say where he was parked.

I really appreciate people responding. I will read them later and come back. I want to be with my family.

There are hardly any payphones around these days. Even if there were they would probably be vandalised.

Are watches with calling functionality allowed?

@Canwehavesesomesanityback

Can you say briefly what happened during the incident, OP?

Yes I would raise this. With the incident. Also if your child has a brick phone in their bag hidden and doesn’t take it out outside school but keeps it hidden for emergencies like these would anyone actually know?

Exactly. This is the rule at one of my kids schools but the reality is many kids above y7 have a phone so they can get the bus home, I assumed this was typical. My oldest sons school has introduced pouches which seem a pointless waste of time and money

Perhaps there are other reasons not to move, but where we live, the next nearest secondary school with places is about 20 miles and an hour on a bus away, plus walking afterwards.
Despite the rules that give a choice of school, there's no choice here in reality.
If you send your child to a non catchment school then there's no free transport.

Not particularly interested in reading it seeing as I’m not in UK nor have school going kids. Was asking was there a distinction between smartphones / devices and brick phones that only do calls / texts.
Already clarified it’s all mobile phones not just smartphones.
Was just curious, that is all.

If your child was involved in such a terrifying incident it’s really negligent of you not to report it to the police as the perpetrators will do it to someone else. I don’t believe that teachers chase anyone down the road to snatch their phone after school. I just don’t, sorry. If your child has said that, they are exaggerating. Get her a brick phone, tell her to keep it off and in a side pocket at all times and it should be fine. Getting a lift from your DH and texting about being close by is a red herring. Kids who are allowed phones in school aren’t all making lift-arrangements on a daily basis in case their parents happen to be driving past their school.

Not allowed to give a crying child a cuddle, but I am allowed to mug them? Teaching surprises me everyday.

OMG! I love this post.

Yes op is.

Such an incident needs reporting to the police IF it was as awful as you say.

Re phones, just put a brick off and in a pencil case in the bottom of her bag. The school HAS to follow the law that phones cannot be used in school.

I just wanted to say how fucking ridiculous the school rules are, assuming the child has not got them wrong. My sisters and I had a long journey to school - anything between 75 and 120 minutes. This was long before mobile phones were a thing, and we often discuss how difficult the journey was, and how much easier it would be nowadays when we could text or phone parents about any problems. I believe that prohibition of phones on the journey is a serious assault on personal freedom! Schools simply have to find a better way,

My children's school is the same. However, my kids absolutely need a phone after school. Their long journey home has often come with challenges and there have been many times when they've called to say they've had issues with their travel card, or issues with someone following them, or issues with someone who turned up who isn't legally allowed to, or issues with someone else who they were meant to be looking after who didn't turn up to come home with them. Once my son called to say he was injured so I had to leave work and take him straight to the hospital. People who say kids don't need phones are obviously very lucky to live in safe areas with predictable routines. I haven't raised it with the school, my kids just know how to to keep their phones hidden and turned off during the school day and have them accessible when they need them after school. I'm sorry you have been through this stressful incident.

What your child does once they have left the school grounds isnt the schools problem. I agree with taking phones off them during the day at school but if children walk home, catch a bus etc thet need their phone. Yes we didnt but times are very different. Theres no pay phones now should they need to ring you and bus passes are often online too. I would give my child a phone and tell them to turn it off and keep it hidden in school. Once they leave the grounds theres nothing the school can do! If they snatch it off your child on the street then ring the police as its theft!

No smart watches are banned at schools

I hope you've managed to take some deep breaths since your original post. As parents we cannot wrap our kids in cotton wool and swoop in every time something happens.

The fact that you've described in great detail the school's/teachers behaviours and rules, but not the actual incident speaks volumes. If you have no respect for authority this will rub off on your daughter. Fighting the school will get you absolutely nowhere and only make things 100x worse for you and your daughter.

Our job is to teach them how to do it themselves and let them - at times this is very hard - but we must step back and not project our anxiety on them. My kids are in their 20s but we were in the thick of the start of mobile phones being given to 2ndary schoolers. Mine had bricks at first but I was one of few parents brave enough to not follow the sheeople - my ex-DH included. I stood firm to protect my children's childhood - for which they are grateful.

Children do not need a phone to keep them safe. They need tools like free will, independent thinking and the ability to use their own intiative (smart phones are robbing children of these skills). Some martial arts training wouldn't go amiss either. Her route must have a safe option but maybe it's longer, so her choice was to use the non safe route - this is where your energy should be focused. This is a learning lesson for her. And for you.