To feel i didn't do anything wrong??

[Ihateknowingthis]

I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

You suggested a second experience?

how much did the painting experience cost and how much was the accommodation?

@Ihateknowingthis at the time of your friend paying half for the experience, you hadn’t reciprocated by paying half the accommodation, instead you progressed onto a suggestion of booking a second experience. Not cool. You should have paid what you owed before suggesting anything else.

Also, you’ve received a 50% refund for the cancelled experience, half of which belongs to your friend, have you returned it? You should. She can then re-book for herself and H. Yes, she loses money but your booking is dead in the water and now you are no part of their plans - best stay that way.

Finally… when you both discussed doing this painting experience were you both equally onboard to make it a trip rather than just a one day outing, or was this pushed onto her. You did mention that she reluctantly booked for accommodation.

How was your last trip together? Maybe she had made a mental note - never again but found herself back in this situation once again.

Why didn't you just accept age didn't want to do the activity relating to the celebrity? They was nothing else to discuss. She doesn't like them and didn't want to go.

It sounds like you were trying to blackmail her, withholding the money until you could meet and you could push her into agreeing.

She acted in the best way she could all the way.

Why was she unwilling to book the accommodation in the first place?
Why did you not pay her immediately for the accommodation once she had booked it?
Why did you suggest an activity based around a celebrity you know she doesn’t like?
Why are you put out/surprised that she gave a flat out “no” to a celebrity experience you knew she wouldn’t like?
What WAS the celebrity experience?

This is a huge drip feed. You withheld payment because she didn’t want to go along to meet a celebrity with you? This is massively unreasonable. You don’t make money she is owed contingent on her agreeing to do something which she doesn’t want to do.

You’re the problem in this scenario.

Hm. On your original post I just thought a misunderstanding or one of you being quick to take offence (as others have mentioned by text the tone can come over different to intended). However as you have since updated that she has been off recently there might be something else going on eg in her life that you don't know about. I would just leave it and get back in touch in a few weeks to suggest lunch or coffee, not necessarily to thrash out all this but just to move on.

Another thread where the OP wants us to come to a conclusion (preferably in their favour) but getting sufficient information out of them to be able to make a decision is like pulling teeth. The thread about 'Is it ever OK to choose your DP over your DC' is similar. Random strangers cannot give an informed response with the bare minimum of information, I wish users would realise this.

I'm confused. You wanted to do something with a celebrity, she said no. What was there to discuss?

Well if she was unwilling to pay for the accommodation there will be a reason for that. Why didn’t you pay for it? Or go halves that would be the norm. It sounds as if you were telling her what to do. If she paid for the accommodation she is entitled to take her husband but needs to organise the experience side herself.

Look you have been friends for 30 years so even if you met at age three you are at least in your 30s

put your big girl pants on and text her. Simply say ‘ I’m gutted we aren’t going together, there’s been some miscommunication between us, I don’t want to throw away 30!years of friendship over something trivial. I hope you feel the same way” and then if she responds nicely then it’s time to move on and if she doesn’t well you have been the bigger person and there’s no guilt on your side.

From the way you frame the first post, your friend was unreasonable.

However, the more you let drip through, the more reasonable I think your friend is, and the more unreasonable I think you are.

It’s deliberate. They know they are in the wrong but it will make them feel validated if a mumsnet post tells them they did nothing wrong and the other person was wrong. They always refuse to give the full story when pushed, because they know people will see they were unreasonable!

Your communication skills are pretty off. From what I can understand you go on holiday together annually. This trip involved a painting session which she paid half towards and she booked the hotel but you didn’t pay your half. You didn’t pay it because you’d asked if she wanted to go see Barry from Eastenders live and she’d reacted with a straight up no. Shame because he’s pretty good live but rather than take it on the chin, you both made a drama out of it and decided to get awkward with one another? This resulted in you cancelling painting, presumably refunding her half and her then being like “but I’m going away with my DH now and we still want to paint”.

Strange.

You withheld money and then wondered why she got shitty? Do you have form for this?

Have you paid her back the half of the painting experience that she paid you??

I think this is a you problem from what you've posted here! You didn't like that she just said no to the celebrity thing. Were you aware she doesn't like this celebrity before you suggested it? You then withheld your accommodation payment in order to blackmail her into meeting you to justify her unwillingness to do the celebrity thing. Then you've unilaterally decided to cancel the painting. But she's the problem. You need to have a look at yourself.

Why was she reluctant to book the accommodation?
if she said no to an activity then it’s probably because she didn’t want to do it and you shouldn’t have held the accommodation money hostage to try get your own way.
I would suggest she’s fed up with you always trying to force your own ideas on her, and you probably have previous form for doing this also, but won’t see it as you are selfish.
Have you paid her back the money she sent you for the painting activity or are you holding that hostage also?

Why didn’t you give the money upfront for the accommodation?
Have you given her the money back she paid you for the painting experience?

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!

You haven’t paid any accommodation costs so why is that a problem for you, you’d already decided you weren’t going.

I think you’ll have to start answering people’s questions because you are the one coming across as unreasonable

Barry from Eastenders 😆. That would be a friendship-ending moment for most people.

Surely if you are going away for a short break together then you only do things that you both like to do. You just need to accept that she didn’t want to do something and not want to discuss it.