To feel i didn't do anything wrong??

[Ihateknowingthis]

I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

On the face of it she sounds highly unreasonable and a bit batshit but I think more information is needed. What was the experience? Had you asked her if she wanted to do it or booked without checking? What did it cost?

Maybe she was annoyed about the way expenses were being split and your suggestion about the second experience you wanted? Maybe she was cross that you
got annoyed with her? Maybe she wants to continue being friends but is fed up with the way you go about arranging time away? If you value her, meet up and see if she's ready to explain.

The experience was a painting session.
I suggested it which led us to booking accommodation and making a long weekend of it. I was really looking forward to it.
We go away together at least every year.

Why was she booking and paying for accommodation? Did you pay her back for this? why was she unwilling?

What was the second experience?

Odd… if she had hated the idea she presumably wouldn’t have signed up. Is she a bit of a people pleaser who couldn’t say no when you asked her and then got cold feet?

It sounds like she paid you her half of the experience but you didn't pay her your half of the accommodation?

There's not enough information to decide what went wrong, but I can't see the harm in asking her later when emotions aren't running high.

You say she paid you half of the experience, did you also pay her half of the accommodation? Could she be feeling taken advantage of especially when you then said about booking a second experience which presumably she would also have been expected to pay half of?

She sent you her half of the activity, but you didn’t send your half of the accomodation?

It’s not clear from your posts but maybe she was annoyed about you suggesting another activity. Then when you said about cancelling the holiday thought you didn’t want to be friends any more, and instead of both making it up said she’d like to go with her husband to save face.

So, she booked and paid the accommodation plus her half of the painting while you only paid your half of the painting? If that’s what happened then I can see why she is fed up with you.

Was the accommodation a lot more expensive than the painting thing? Or difficult to find? Or she thought as it was an activity you wanted to do, you should organise the whole thing? Do you normally rely on her to book the accommodation and she was fed up about that?

It does seem odd, particularly the not replying to your messages. (By the way, I’m a big believer in phoning and having a proper conversation rather than repeated texting when things are getting difficult.)

I think I’d want to meet and find out what was going on.

How much was the experience and how much was the accommodation?

If she reluctantly booked the accommodation maybe she dodnt want to go away for a weekend around an acticity you chose.
Was there anything she wanted to do in the area ?
If she wasnt that keen on making a weekend of it and then you added another experience for you then I can see why she got annoyed about it (particularly if you still owed her foe the accommodation)

You said you asked to meet up to discuss your disagreement so how exactly did you express your upset about her not wanting to do the second activity? If you threw your toys out the pram about it at the time I can see why she is annoyed with you. Also like others said can you clarify if you paid towards the accommodation?

From the sound of it, she paid a lot more money than you. Can you clarify who paid what?

You owe her money? Have you returned it yet?

I need more information

accommodation. She didn’t want to go and stay overnight?
she was reluctant because she had to pay?

how much did all this cost and who was paying?

and also what were you painting?
What was the second activity?

You haven’t clarified whether you contributed to the accommodation yet. If you hadn’t paid anything towards it and she paid half of the experience and you then went on to suggest another thing which was going to cost money I can understand why she might have thought you were taking the piss a bit.

Unless you tell us what the costs were its hard to answer your question.

There wasn't one

I read it as they had a row over the second experience. The friend paid for her half of the experience in a strop as if implying she didn’t want to go anymore (due to the row). But wasn’t communicating clearly either way so op cancelled it on the basis that she thought the holiday was off.

You've ignored 15 people asking you to explain the money side of things, but you chose to answer this question? It's definitely about the money!

Definitely. And maybe op knows that really and is now looking at it with fresh perspective

What did you disagree on? You had accommodation and a painting experience booked, then suggested another experience that she said wasn't going to happen? That doesn't sound like an argument that needs discussing, she didn't want to do a different experience. How did it blow up

Did you pay your half of the accommodation?