To feel i didn't do anything wrong??

[Ihateknowingthis]

I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

I can see your friends point of view, I mean you can't even explain here it. For example some said what was the 2nd experience and you said 'there was none' and then later said the extra event was something to do with a celebrity.

I think you need to brush up on your communication skills OP.

The painting experience was your idea - your friend went along with it.

You then suggested she arranged the accommodation - your friend reluctantly took on this task (which usually takes a lot more effort than booking the painting experience).

You then said that you wanted to have a celebrity experience - she probably thought, 'Hell, no' and brushed it off. You didn't respond with good grace.

You then wanted to meet her to discuss this - whatever for?!

You haven't paid for your half of the accommodation.

Your friend has every right to be pissed off with you. You have acted selfishly.

You are a cheeky fucker OP. I'd be mortified by your behaviour.

This is totally on you.

You should have sent her your half of the money for the accommodation STRAIGHT AWAY regardless of what other conversation was happening.

She is allowed to say no to stuff she doesn’t want to do. If there was an issue with her attitude, you can call her to chat through things. You asking to meet up about it was dramatic.

Agree with this, sorry op. Your communication skills with your friend don’t sound to be great, and no one has understood what went on for most of your posts.

Have you considered saying to your friend 'I think I've upset you over the holiday arrangements. I really value you as a friend and would like to understand. Please could we have a chat about this?'

I think yabu based on this. You didn't like hearing no and decided to punish her by withholding the money you owed her despite her paying you promptly. You then cancelled the activity you both actually wanted to do despite the amount of money you'd both lose. If you make plans commit to them, pay your share and stop making them contingent on unrelated things. Lots of things cost money despite cancelling so you're asking others to pay the cost of your flakiness. She said no. Why on earth did it need an in person discussion?

So basically because she didn’t want to do your second activity, which makes sense if she doesn’t like the celebrity, you started saying well I don’t know if I want to go at all.

If that’s the case then you were 100% in the wrong and acted like a twat

You are the one who brought up the fact that she was booking reluctantly, so that reason is probably a big clue.

Then why dont you tell us exactly what you paid for? You arent being transparent on this post at all.

You are being really cagey and weird about this - people have asked multiple times why it is that she paid for all the accommodation AND her half of the painting experience and you apparently only paid for half of the painting experience and you havent answered.

You havent or wont address that part which makes me think its YOU that is being completely unreasonable here and I dont blame your friend for dumping you.

You refuse to be honest about who paid what and yet you expect us to slag off your friend and tell you she's out of line. I dont think she is. I think you are.

So she paid for the accommodation and instead of giving her your half you started demanding a summit meeting because she didn't fancy doing a second experience?

It does sound a bit as though you've been annoying her for a while and the celebrity suggestion was just a last straw for her. Did you know she didn't like the celebrity before you suggested it? Because that could come across as pretty self absorbed. Or have you tried to persuade her in the past into doing things she wasn't really that keen on? Because that's the sort of thing that can really build over time. Just trying to think of clear reasons that she might have been annoyed enough to not text back.

But it's all a bit chicken and egg, the way you describe your reaction to her turning down the celebrity activity certainly sounds like the sort of thing that might tip someone who'd been teetering over the edge into regretting the whole trip. But it might not have felt so big a deal if the two of you hadn't already been feeling some strain. You were also wondering about not going on the trip and have been feeling things haven't been right for a while, so it might just be that she's been feeling the relationship is off too and you pushing for a face to face meet up because she'd said no made her realise the trip wasn't going to make things better.

Sums it up perfectly

As soon as she paid for her half of the experience, you should have paid your part of the accommodation.

You are at fault here, not her.

Why didn't you pay her?

Why was she unwilling to pay the accommodation, and why didn't you pay your half straight away?

It all sounds a bit tantrum-like and childish on both sides. Some friendships come to an end naturally, others with a bang.

Do you have form for not covering your half or being very late to do so? This could explain why she was reluctant to pay for accommodation knowing it would take ages to get her money back. Maybe when you didn’t just pay your half straight away (which is what you should have done regardless of other side issues), it was the straw that broke the camel’s back from her point of view.

@Ihateknowingthis So if I get this straight: both of you were OK with going away for a painting experience. You pay the painting- she pays for accomodation. She transfers money to you for the painting experience. Instead of transferring money to her for accomodation you tell her you want to see a celebrity together as well. She says no to this. Instead of accepting her no and send her money for half of the accomodation you tell her you want to meet up in order to bully her into changing her mind.. She doesn't answer because her no still stands. Instead of accepting this and sending her money for the accomodation you persist in wanting to meet up. Now she has decided that you're batshit and she better just go with her husband. She should have told you that but you are still being very very unreasonable not having paid your due and trying to bully your friend into meeting a celebrity she didn't care for (ot: how old are you??).