To feel i didn't do anything wrong??

[Ihateknowingthis]

I have a very good friend or so i thought, for over 30 years.
Recently we arranged a little break together, i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do, but she was vehement that wasn't going to happen, I was upset and annoyed at her attitude but thought ok, I'll do that another time.
She paid me her half of the experience.
I asked to meet up to discuss our disagreement and moving forward.
She ignored me, and stopped texting me, so I left it a week and tried again thinking I'll be the bigger person.
Another refusal to meet up and it was now getting really close to our break.
So i texted, I assume you've cancelled the accommodation and she didn't answer me.
At that point I decided I wasn't going anyway, so I canceled the experience.

Her next text told me that she hadn't cancelled the accommodation and was going to use it for herself and husband!!
She also wanted me to uncancel the experience so she could do that too.

I am stunned at her actions and a little bamboozled as to what's actually caused her to act this way.

Can anyone see what I might have done to upset her?? She also suggested we meet up in a couple of weeks time!!

Better to chat to people rather than send texts, it just sounds like poor communication, with someone getting the wrong end of the stick.

What was your argument actually about??

I laughed at the ending - cheeky

But I think theres more to this one op

i booked and paid for an experience for us to do and she booked and paid for accommodation, (slightly unwillingly).
Then I suggested something else I'd like to do,

Your posts are confusing - you said you booked an experience for you both ( painting) and then suggested something else you’d like to do and she didn’t want to do it.
So presumably she was on board with the painting what was the other experience you suggested that has caused all the drama ? Surely it’s ok for her to opt out if it’s not her thing ?
When she transferred her money for the painting did you send her on your half of the accommodation cost ?

The other thing involved a celebrity she doesn't like, so I thought ok fair enough, but I was really annoyed at the way she voiced her opinion, it was just a no.... at that point I thought we should meet up and have a chat but she ignore that request, so I decided not to send my half of the accommodation until we'd discussed it as at that point I wasn't sure i wanted to go away with her, she'd been a little awkward recently.
I also wanted to discuss it so she could cancel the accommodation if we decided not to go. And I could cancel the painting, by the time I did i lost half the money!

This is weird. YABU for not paying for half the accommodation and not telling her you weren’t or telling her why. Seems odd to fall out about whether to see a celebrity or not. She’s entitled to not like the celebrity. But the whole thing sounds odd to me.

I think it’s fine to just give a “no” to an event centred around a celebrity you have no interest in. If a friend was trying to insist on catching up to discuss such a thing I’d be thinking that they’re very high maintenance and overly sensitive. On the face of it, it seems like a ridiculous overreaction.

You refused to send her your half of the accom and wanted to meet up to discuss doing an activity you knew she definitely wouldn’t want to do? She sounds fine, I think you are the problem.

Who was the celebrity ? I don’t blame her for declining that tbh . I mean who would pay to meet some random ? Is it Katie Price ?

Why didn’t you pay for your half of the accommodation as soon as she booked / paid for it?

How often do you not pay her back for things?

Yeah you are the unreasonable one and a shit friend . People are allowed to say “no’. Also you withholding payment because you didn’t like the way she said “no” is ridiculous. I bet she’s glad to see the back of you .

Bit if drip feed. YABVU.

You have no right to be annoyed with her for not wanting to see the celebrity event.

No right to withhold funds
No right to demand a meeting to clear the air.
Now you have lost her money by cancelling the painting even which she would have done with her husband. I would be livid.

she may have been a bit arsey about the celebrity event but why ruin a nice planned weekend and not just be more tolerant. ASo why did she pay for the accommodation

you sound a bit crackers.

I didn't refuse, I asked her if we could meet up to discuss everything, like a pp said best to have a conversation than texting. But she just blanked me. There's a bit more to it, like recently she's just been a bit off with me, before the break away was mentioned.
I was stunned and upset at her treatment of me and very sad that our relationship had come to this.
I was more than willing to pay my half, I originally paid for the painting experience and didn't even ask for her half!

You’ve been totally unreasonable - this is on you.

In your honest opinion, was she originally slightly unwilling to pay for the accommodation because …..
A ….she couldn’t afford it as it was too pricey for her to outlay for two.
B….she didn’t really want to do a painting activity but you had already booked it.
C….she wanted you to do all the leg work
D…she wasn’t that committed to going in the first place but didn’t like to say
E…she preferred to do the painting activity with her husband

It sounds as if you might have bamboozled her into going in the first place. Could that be true?

I think you should have squared up the finances OP, right at the beginning. When she sent you her half of the cost for the painting activity that was a signal for you to pay your half of the accommodation.

Why didn’t you ?
When she stopped responding to you, wasn’t that yet another signal to even up the finances? What were you waiting for?

She was already out of pocket at the point you were suggesting she take on even more expense to see a celebrity she didn’t even like. When she said ‘certainly not’ to that celebrity idea, did she actually mean …I’m certainly not laying out more expense while you still owe me your accommodation share ?

I could be barking up the wrong tree but it seems fishy to me that you left her out of pocket for a while.

Why would you suggest an experience you knew she'd dislike and then not accept her "no" at face value? You'd normally choose activities you BOTH like on a shared holiday, and each person has a veto. Could you not have done the celebrity piece on your own and funded it yourself, and let her plan her own activities for that time slot if it was something that made sense to do on the trip and you couldn't do another time?

You were wrong not to pay your half of the accom (or tell her immediately that you wanted to back out). She was wrong if she was intentionally avoiding responding to legitimate questions about the trip, but it's hard to say without knowing how long she was out of communication, and if it was just you pestering her to change her mind I can see why she didn't want to deal with it.

Either way, neither of you communicated effectively or respectfully and you BOTH should have told the other when you wanted to back out of the trip. I'd say the friendship has probably run its course. Do whatever you want about the cancelled activity - there's no reason why she can't rebook it herself.

So you didn’t cough up your half of the cost of the accommodation AND not given her back the money she paid for the painting thing?

The fact that she had paid you but you had not paid her means YABVU.

Why are you being so passive?

Why couldn’t you just transfer her your share of the accommodation? Then you would have been evens.

I originally paid for the painting experience and didn't even ask for her half!

Did you specifically say to her “I’ll pay for the painting class for us, it’s my treat”. Because if not YABVU and awkward. People aren’t mind readers. If one of my friends asked me to do an experience and booked it I would immediately pay my share.

So I’m not surprised she became off with you when you didn’t pay for your share of the accommodation.

You sound really difficult and awkward. It didn’t need an in-person conversation, all you had to do was text her saying “how much was the accommodation? I’ll transfer you my half tonight”.

Completely up the wrong tree, all of it!

Why aren’t you explaining the “right tree” then?

OK
But in your honest opinion, why was she slightly unwilling to pay for the accommodation then ?
And when she sent you her share of activity costs why didn’t you send her your share of accommodation costs?

Given how poorly you communicate on here, YABU.

You seemed to escalate things quickly. She didn't want to do the second experience so instead of accepting that, you wanted to arrange a meet up to discuss it, why? To try and change her mind? To berate her?
Why not just accept the no?
Then escalate it further by assuming she had cancelled the accommodation.

I'm imagining from her side she has simply said she doesn't want to do something, then its suddenly a big thing that needs discussing in person. Then you're cancelling the experience and expecting she's cancelled the accommodation, all a lot of drama over someone saying no.

You didn't pay your share of the accommodation costs as soon as she booked it and you just started quibbling.

I'd have been pissed off with you too.