AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

I think you're doing the right thing for your dog keeping him.

You had an agreement, the dog is doing well in your home, and to go to another home where the norm is not people around most of the time doesn't sound good for a dog that has gotten used to people being there all the time. Hopefully your sister will realize this is better all around.

Standards are such nice dogs, 😀

What has been her response to this? Is there a reason she is so far away (cost of living/house prices/job etc) that prohibit her moving closer? It sounds great on paper so wondering why she didn't automatically do that when moving back?

Keep the Dog. Your sister gave it up. 2 thirds on here think you are right. Ignore the virtue signallers they are not putting the interest of the dog first. The dog is happy where it is. He will have a better life with you.
The arrangement was quite clear you would keep the dog.

The dog, as part of the family, should have gone abroad with them.
The fact that they left the dog behind demonstrated their priorities.
Your dog now.
The rest of the family need to butt out, SIL needs to grow up, she will have more than enough on her plate as a single mum.

Sounds like the dog is better off with you, but still would have a good family home with your sister.

The rest of the family need to butt out, but the two of you need to sit down until you work it out. If it came down to it I wouldn’t risk losing my sister for a dog, especially one I would still regularly see.

Could a compromise be reached and you perhaps offer to have him overnight on the days she works.

Though @TheHungryHungryLandsharks has explained why it wouldn’t have been a good idea to try to take the dog

Your sister has lost her marriage; her children their father and family. Do you really want them to lose their dog too?? The dog has only been with you 7 months. Why don't you get a puppy?

OP I couldn’t make any sense of that post either - it’s pretty clear that for some posters the fact that you don’t want to give the dog back means that you’re wrong about everything !! It makes perfect sense for your sister to move closer to you and the rest of her family so she has the support she needs to get through this. I’m hopeful that there will be no permanent fallout from the dog situation - when she feels a bit better able to cope she’ll realise that you did your best, not just for the dog, but for everyone concerned.

Could you do a dog share? He goes to her house for weekends?

Why don’t you think about the dog. There’s enough information on the thread, and certainly in OP’s last update for it to be clear that returning it won’t be in its best interests.

Keep your dog, as he's yours in every way now. Your sister's circumstances shouldn't involve taking on any animal right now.

You sound like a brilliant, responsible owner.

Very likely that once the dog gets there it won’t be returned.

Says the OP- she's hardly an objective party is she? She's just being incredibly judgemental.

Im sure her sister understands what is involved in caring for a dog, since it was hers first- it's not like she's a clueless first time dog owner asking for a puppy. She wouldn't ask for it back if she couldn't manage.

There's no reason to think the dog won't be happy returned to its original family.

They already lost the dog when OP's sister agreed to give it away to OP.

In my opinion the emotional blackmail relating to the children is unfair. If your sister and her husband didn't consider their children or the dog when leaving the dog behind in the first place, I don't think it's beholden on you to prioritise their desires over your children and the dog's happiness and well being now.

Not sure how thinking the sister should have the dog is any more "virtue signalling" than thinking OP should have it. Most people are approaching this as a moral question and thinking about what is right for the dog, for the OP, the sister and the children involved. So either everyone is virtue signalling or nobody is.

Given you have a second dog this dog is part of the pack and on that basis should stay with you.

We have two dogs who play together and communicate endlessly. Ours both mope without their companion.

Realistically I think your relationship with your sister will be damaged by either outcome, she should never have asked for the dog back.

I was thinking this, in a more stable situation, I would have suggested letting the dog go on a little holiday to theirs for a week or two but from the sounds of it, they would never give it back and OP would be painted as awful for trying to remove the dog from her sisters children!

If your sister truly loved the dog, she would have realised based on her intercations with it that he has moved on and considers you his family now.

But she is putting her own feelings first, not the dog's.

Is there a chance she feels like things have failed on a few fronts, and she sees acquiring this dog from you as a challenge that she wants to win?

Is there a chance she feels like things have failed on a few fronts, and she sees acquiring this dog from you as a challenge that she wants to win?

I'm inclined to agree. Gives her something else to focus on. Dogs can help broken hearts but only if you are in a position to meet their needs too. If not, things only get worse.

I don’t see anything judgmental at all. What I see - especially in OP’s latest update is someone who is witnessing and completely understanding the upheaval in her sisters’ life, and who is concerned enough to be offering to open up her home for her and her children to stay until she’s feeling more able to cope - along with an offer of ongoing help if her sister moves closer to OP and the rest of her family.

No doubt her sister understands what’s involved in caring for the dog but that’s not the point. From what OP is saying her sister’s life has been turned upside down and she is unable to cope alone, so asking for the dog back is a clear indication that she’s not thinking straight - which is entirely understandable. And let’s not forget that the dog no longer belongs to her sister. OP is now the owner and has been for the last seven months. And as such she’s doing what she considers to be the right and responsible thing for what is, after all, her dog.

Agree. The dog isn’t a toy to be passed around to provide comfort. And this is an opportunity for sisters’ children to learn a life lesson. That it’s completely unacceptable to make other people miserable, just because you’re miserable yourself.

Give the dog back. Unfair to keep it. Dog will soon settle back down.

I would give the dog back.
Ask your sister to help buy your children another dog.
The two dogs will be friends and you can walk them together.

Do I think you’re right? Yes, to be honest. She’s the one who promptly gave up her dog.

However, as everyone is piling on you in your family, I’d just give her the dog back and wait for it all to go tits up, which it possibly will because she doesn’t really know yet what her life will be like as a single parent plus pet owner.