To think some people are just miserable for the sake of it?

[justsmileabitffs]

I’m on holiday in Milan. I have spent the day sightseeing and my hotel is right by the Duomo so I grabbed dinner there.

I was sat next to a table of five British women who did nothing but complain. The view wasn’t good enough, the drinks were too small, the drinks were too big (!), too sweet, too much ice. The food wasn’t “cute Italian food” (well, no shit Sherlock! You’re not going to get a little Italian nonna cooking you food at a tourist trap restaurant!), the KFC around the corner didn’t have what one woman wanted, just endless complaints.

AIBU to think some people just look for things to complain about?! You’re in Italy, in a gorgeous city, eating relatively cheap food! That should be enough to make them happy, no?

Probably not the best person to do it, to be honest! I am sort of a hybrid between passenger and crew, I am like one of the dance instructors, guest lecturers, craft instructors, bridge teachers who go on board for one specific cruise and then leave. I don't have crew responsibilities and don't go in the crew areas, the deal is I get a free cruise for me and a plus one in return for my services on at-sea days.

DF is like this. Being around him is extremely draining. Everything is negative, everything is a plot, everything bad that happens to people is somehow their fault. I went away with him for a long weekend is Barcelona and he complained about EVERYTHING. Then he told everyone he had a really good time when he got back?? Complaining is just some people's default.

Like of all the things. And then whinging that it didn’t have the burger she gets in London!

(For that commenter - I am currently on a train, and having a lovely time. I’m scrolling social media to pass the time)

I have a teenager like this, I’m hoping he’ll grow out of it because I honestly find it exhausting. Wherever we go he finds some reason or another to complain. Things aren’t “that” impressive, that wasn’t worth the money, what was the point in that, what a rip off etc. He’s like a moaning old man most of the time. I know something has impressed him if he doesn’t complain. He won’t say he enjoyed it or exchange any positivity, there’ll just be an absence of negativity.

This is my experience too. My Nan was the same so I was just raised thinking everyone was a bit miserable.

I remember my first week at work and my supervisor was a similar age to my Mum and she was so upbeat and fun. I was blindsided and once I’d noticed I couldn’t stop seeing how miserable my Mum was.

My late FIL used to work with a man who regularly booked lovely holidays for himself and his wife with the determined intention to find/invent/engineer faults that he could then bitterly complain about and demand a full refund.

In the same way that most of us naturally earmark an additional damage deposit element to the cost as money that should be coming back to us shortly afterwards, this man did the same with every single penny that the holiday had cost him.

He even invested in a camcorder - which were extremely expensive in those days, long before smartphones - in a calculated move to document his 'proof' of 'deserving' a full refund.

I can see his clear dishonest motivation; but I can't imagine it ever made for a truly enjoyable holiday. I really pitied his wife.

Complaining is just some people's default.

Absolutely this. It's the same with the dull people who use swearing as punctuation - when they'll throw out an angry f-bomb long before they've even found anything to complain and feel superior about, and leave it hanging until they can think of something negative to say.

This is one of my SILs, the other is delightful. As well as being miserable and complaining all the time, she’s always got a few consumer issues going on with e.g. John Lewis, M&S, the coffee pod supplier, her phone contract etc. she’s often not wrong but will pursue the slightest issue to the absolute end, she never lets anything drop. She and her DH also often stop going places, cafes etc, that were “marvellous” but they get some beef and that’s it. They do the same with people, serial faller outers

I think it boils down to the fact that people either have perspective and humour or they don’t.

The ones lacking the first focus on the wrong things and blithely don’t give a fuck about how their miserable bastard behaviour affects others around them. It’s inherently selfish.

Humour can be the lifeline and social glue that shows we do have perspective on the issues that surround us every day. My elderly mother has been through fucking awful hardship (widowed as a teen with a newborn, later domestic violence, poverty and tried to take her own life) but has never lost the art of seeing joy and laughter in life and appreciating small moments.

Personally, I’ve also faced some horrors but acknowledging the glimpses of funny ridiculousness and counting my blessings gets me through.

I also find it a bit cringey and self-destructive to be constantly negative. Like a previous poster mentioned, there’s a balance to be had. I dislike the whole false positivity and gauche ‘thoughts and prayers’/at least you’re not a starving Ethiopian and hollow cheerfulness but there’s a happy medium to be had where pragmatism, humour and self-awareness meet.

I’m happy to complain eg about bad service but in a polite, civilised way but also will often give positive feedback about good service too.

I don’t understand how people who constantly moan about shit cope, fair enough mentioning something trivial yet shit that’s happened in conversation with others but surely dwelling on everything they find lacking just makes them feel crapper? Must be like some form mental of self-harm imo.

I know a teen like that. It is thoroughly tedious, isn’t it!

My Nan used to say about her Father in Law 'He was happy in his own misery' - meaning being miserable and moaning made him happy. Obviously he didn't make anyone else happy but she understood that he seemed to enjoy it.

Yes, I think, for some people, it's a way for them to centre and focus on themselves - and make themselves feel important, as though it's all about them and their suffering, and how expertly they manage to survive and deal with it.

Like so many things in life, being a genuine victim is a terrible thing; but claiming victimhood, even when it isn't actually the case, can make some people really feel validated and (paradoxically) in charge.

My MIL is like this. We get on well and she is actually a very nice person in most ways, but she likes to complain and doesn't seem to have the ability to just enjoy something for what it is, or perhaps stay quiet out of politeness. I've accepted this as a quirk (she really is actually a nice person) but we went away for a week with her this Summer and it was unrelentingly draining so I will not be repeating the experience. Listening to her complaints, it sounded like she found every aspect of the journey, location, hotel, food, trips out, views etc disappointing and expensive. She constantly made reference to holidays she'd had in the past, or her friends had recently, that were better and cheaper (at one point DH told her 'For God's sake Mum, we have to go in the school holidays and it's not 1982- you cannot get a 5* all inclusive for £200 a week)'. Yet as soon as she got back she was saying what a wonderful time she had and can we book the same place next year!

My mum is like that when going out and on holidays. It's anxiety about her finances. We used to be really poor but now my parents are doing very well and my mum just hasn't gotten her head around it. So everywhere she goes, she finds something wrong as she hates spending money. We did go to Milan a few years ago and she HATED it.

To be fair, Milan is much more expensive than expected and quite bad value for money. Especially the places near the Duomo are awful, in my opinion.

My mother was like this. She was bitter and angry all her life. She moaned about: Rich people with depression (they've got nothing to worry about) Women with husbands - she was widowed very young to be fair (they need to be quiet, they've got a man), Me not doing exactly what she wanted me too - be a secretary - when she'd made my childhood genuinely hell and I ended up going off the rails (I did my best, you're so ungrateful), My husbands cooking (it's not really hot enough), Other people's daughters who had (this was a weird obsession) husbands with Audis who worked 'in computers' (they think they're special, they're just common done good), and...my daughters children's names (COMMON!) It was exhausting

Some people are, unfortunately, just not happy unless they've got something to moan about.

I've got a casual friend who is the same. Most meet-ups are punctuated with tales of "next door are replacing their fence, how dare they?!" and "There's a strange mark on my car windshield!"
Heaven forbid!

Until you said KFC, I was going to say that sounds like typical British middle class women

Where do you get that OP was judging the women for going to KFC? You have been on this thread a lot, nitpicking and being quite annoying. You remind me of the person on my thread the other day who was incredibly annoying and nitpicking, in fact, I suspect you're the same poster. Knock it off!

Why would you remain married to someone who seems to enjoy sucking the joy out of life @HangingOver ?

Me ex (of 25 years) is always miserable and a real fun sponge. I see him to keep family events on the road, but, God, it’s wearing being around miserable and self obsessed people. 🙄

Ignore me. Your dad

DF means 'father'.