AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

[cocobow]

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

I don’t see these things as middle class. Working and upper class go for coffee and buy clothes, it’s just normal stuff.

the issue here is you both don’t earn enough to pay foe the lifestyle you wish. Having a degree or calling yourself a professional doesn’t dictate earnings, if all your money goes on food housing and kids, then unless you’ve over stretched on the house, this is simply you’re in low earning roles.

the question here is you’d a whole day planned, how much did you think these things would cost?

I would do my own ( Dh cut it for me over lockdown and it wasn’t that bad ) but I know I’ll end up with a wonky fringe and it’ll look awful ( I do have problem hair as it’s far too thick)
I could watch u tube I suppose , but I know I’d mess it up.
many hairdressers my way are only opening up a few days a week as well. Seems everyone is feeling the pinch :(

Why do people pretend that in the past no one spend money on “luxuries”?!

My nan had her hair set weekly
There was 1 pub for 30 people over 150 years ago
Cinema attendance was massive in the past
Lipstick sales during the war
There were 1000 book shops in the 80s

The idea that people had one book at christmas & fish & chips was an annual treat is rubbish.

BTW, I was in farmfoods today, bloody good prices. Fair enough you wouldn't buy loads of the rubbish frozen and tinned stuff they sell but toiletries, breads , diluting drinks, ice lollies etc are great prices.

As I said. Our parents weren’t frittering money on endless tech, coffees, fast food, eating out, skincare, nails, continual renovations, new cars, extortionate holidays every year, continual unnecessary new clothes….

Wonder what Poland and Ireland have that we don't...

Things are very expensive no doubt about it, but I think people expect to be able to spend a lot more money than they did in the past. So much of what we expect to be able to spend money on today wasn't common place even thirty years ago. Our expectations have increased massively and wages haven't kept up. I think social media has a big part to play in this.

My local greasy spoon used to be a pound for a tea and it’s now 2,50. Still reasonable prices, but I tend to go home now to make one there. Tea in costa or somewhere more upmarket is almost the same as coffee.

I think the main difference is the cost of houses and how much people now spend on a mortgage.

When we first bought, the house was 2.5 times DH's salary.
My earnings went into a savings pot.

We could always manage on one income, saving mine (if we were careful and not having flash hols or changing cars every 2 years) until the kids went to uni and then we were funding both at the same time.

Poland and Ireland have the EU and all that comes with it.

if all your money goes on food housing and kids, then unless you’ve over stretched on the house, this is simply you’re in low earning roles

House prices & mortgage rates have nothing to do with it? Or the increased cost of food?!

Although we grew up poor, never went on holiday, never had a car, ate out probably twice a year...so my standard of living now feels well off 😁

It's the quality for me. I get that inflation happened and dresses won't cost the same as I was buying 20 years ago. But now the work wear I used to buy that was £40 in the sale and really really good quality natural fibres and thick material is now £100 in the sale and it's thin, often polyester crap.

I could have afforded that coffee to be fair but I was already feeling a bit defeated and the cost of what I was getting vs it's quality was poor, so it wouldn't even have felt like a treat.

My parents would not have bought a computer or a laptop or had wi fi. That creeps up each year even after shopping around. They have us where they want us ( to quote Dolly Parton ) !

Some people obviously have money. I regularly commute into central London. Places like Farmer J will have very long queues every lunch time for a salad bowl that costs between £10 -£15. Even Pret has £12 salads and they sell out every day.

I consider myself well off. I can comfortably spend £150 on a dress or buy Jimmy Choo shoes in the sale but I cannot begin to consider paying that much for a salad. I make one at home with similar ingredients for about £1 and bring it in. The savings probably pay for my posh things.

Why are you even considering buying clothes at full price? That's a mugs game!

I don't buy really cheap stuff and I don't buy from chinese online retailers. I rarely buy clothes online. I do not pay £80 for anything. I make a point not to. Its rarely worth that unless it's something really exceptional for a special occasion.

Monsoon has always had price tags in the £80 to £100 range. Why do I know? Cos I worked there after I graduated and had to buy clothes from there. Even with the staff discount it was expensive. This was the early 2000s. The prices absolutely have not increased in line with inflation.

The mistake is to go looking for something on the high street when you don't NEED something unless you are looking in the Sales. If you NEED something work out what you want and price it up first.

As for make up - you are buying a brand. Again consider what you are actually buying and when you buy it. It's often not the product it's the branding. You can get alternatives for much cheaper. Even stuff like expensive perfume - find a deal. Yes even for the big brands.

I personally tend to spend less on clothing than I used to years ago even on branded stuff because I shop smarter and there are often better deals to be had. This is priced into original prices - they initially sell at higher prices but don't expect to sell all stock at that price. They then discount heavier so if you are savvy you can get a better bargain. It's only if it's a best seller item that you want to snap it up immediately.

My rule is to never buy anything immediately. If I see something I like, I walk out the shop and go and look elsewhere first. If I want it I will go back. If I don't, I won't. The cooling off period gives me time to really think about the price and see if there is anything else similar somewhere else too (there is a much narrower trend of the season than in the past so often you will get all the shops sticking pretty similar stuff). I am patient if I do see something I like; I wait for the sales and get it then.

As for books. Second hand or on a deal again. Never buy a book at original launch price either. And don't buy hardback.

I think the money I had for stuff like this, actually goes further than it did in the past. The issue is more than being older I have less disposable income as an adult. And I don't think that has changed. My mum never bought herself stuff. She always made sure I had the disposable income instead....

I think it's expectations / shopping habits that have changed not what's available and not the prices.

@cocobow, next time get the coffee.
Honestly life is short, its these small things that keep us going.

White Stuff is always discounted on Otrium https://www.otrium.co.uk/brands/white-stuff/women

I buy a lot of my clothing here.

I'm not doing any of that either! The difference is our parents could afford an occasional treat without panicking.

Hey thanks! I'm not a big shopper so not up on all the tricks!

I’ve given up. I buy a lot of stuff off Vinted for all of us, some pretty good bargains especially for babies and 3 year old like I’ve got. I got a 4 pack of brand new M&S babygrows still in packaging for £6, DD has her puddlesuit and wellies for £20 with labels on, for forest pre school. I’ve kitted her out for winter for around £60. Brand new items including jumpers, vests, wellies, puddlesuit, leggings, dresses and tights, gloves and hats. I’m sorting baby out for winter stuff this month and I’ve got around 12 babygrows, 10 vests, a few outfits brand new for £30 so far. I couldn’t even get it that cheap in Asda. If I need anything, I always look on Vinted first. My DH earns £80k a year, we own our own business and we used to go for dinner once every couple of weeks and get a takeaway once a month. Now we get a takeaway every 2 months and go out for dinner every 3 months or so. Our food shop comes to £200 a week for 2 adults, a 3 year old and a baby which doesn’t include alcohol, fizzy drinks or luxuries. Meat, fresh fruit, nappies and laundry products make our food shop bill shoot through the roof.

If you want to save a few more pennies, visit White Stuff in person and then order on Otrium. There are ALWAYS sales.

My Nan bought a winter coat after the war and that was her winter coat until she died in 1990. Stuff was better made than, people looked after their stuff and weren't forever changing size.

TBH I think it was the nineties and noughties that were a blip where people could afford more luxuries. Before and after, not buying much is normal. As young adults we could afford a couple of pints in the pub once a week, rarely ate out unless it was someone's birthday, new clothes were a treat and we spent weeks browsing before buying. I didn't get on a plane until I was mid twenties and family holiday was once a year in the UK, quite often to Grandma's house 😁.

Food prices in the UK have been too cheap for decades.

The problem is housing.

What you posted was a long list of unnecessary expensive items you don’t need. Out parents didn't waste money like that- just because.