AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

[cocobow]

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

That's not really an accolade, though. Saying we're better off than lower standards doesn't equate to us having a high standard. It's just higher than their highest high which is low.

I agree, nothing in OP's posts that suggest she's middle class to me.

I certainly do! I was going to buy a book the other day but left empty handed knowing I'll probably get a book token for my birthday. I then went to the library on the way home and even managed to pick up a copy of a book I was looking at in the shop. I also get the odd lucky find in charity shops. I do use vinted and ebay for clothes and if we need some bit of new tech we will wait till a new version comes out and buy an older version as it usually dramatically drops in price. We went for a walk in the park yesterday and then came home and had homemade pizza as opposed to eating out so. I also do free galleries but many have closed recently in my city for obscure reasons and the buildings sold off.

I also think these days its getting to the point where home baking is cheaper and nice than the cakes you get in cafe's and shops and so I bake my own now.

I know that in the states where I have family that second jobs are not uncommon. My cousin and her husband both have corporate jobs that are well paid but they also both tend bar as the extra money they make in tips is amazing the down side is that they only get a one or two night together a week at most and its isn't sustainable in the long run once they have kids.

I already work a fulltime job which wipes me out and I need additional time to prep for my job all I do to make extra money is sell things I no longer want online.

I’ve never heard of men using libraries for porn in my life

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65

Was that how much your mum was spending though, even considering inflation?

A £10 top was a treat.

Maybe we should be a bit more grateful for what we have- healthcare, safety, education, social security system and clean water. Maybe we should also recognise that we’re a tiny island which has given the rest of the EU the boot. We had it good, we made a mistake. Now we must pay and realise how tiny and inconsequential we are.

Neither have I!

I've seen some pretty bad search histories, although I haven't been for many years.

And of course they're too lazy to press 'Clear search history'.

Me neither and I'm pretty sure the PCs in libraries will block access to porn sites.

Kate Middleton is UMC though

Class is meaningless these days.

I get what other people are saying that buying luxury goods isn't a middle class pastime but I do think the occasional treat was the norm back in the day. I rarely go shopping (it was only thinking of buying myself something as my birthday is coming up and I was going to give it to my husband to give me) and buy most of my bits second hand online or in charity shops and if new in the sale. I do think that in the past when wages were relatively higher or inflation lower and things just cost a but less things were more accessible.

I agree with previous posters that even as a student with zero money I could more easily afford to go to the cinema and get a drink with friends than I can now.

Could not disagree with you more. The rich don’t actually spend as much as you think they do, they keep it

Healthcare? Don’t make me laugh the NHS let my godmother die and have left my husband housebound and practically suicidal he’s in so much pain without a referral appointment for over 10 months when their own self imposed target is 18 weeks. We do not have appropriate healthcare in this nation.

Yes agree

we used to go out for dinner once a week and order take aways and stuff -

i couldn’t tell you the last time o bought myself any clothes unless it was a necessity (like pants and socks)

kids stuff all vinted bundles

i can’t believe the prices of clothes in places like next

haven’t had a take away in about a year and we haven’t been in the pub or a restaurant unless it’s a birthday or something

we earn 30k combined more than we did 2 years ago yet we seem worse off

My mum bought make up, clothes and went to the pub instead a cafe. The high street isn’t particularly new

I don't buy cheap fast fashion, I usually buy second hand or in a sale if I am lucky and on top of that I rarely buy new clothes at all. Maybe you can afford at £90 dress but many people, most can't.

As a student you didn’t have a mortgage, full bills for multiple humans, food for you and children, children’s expenses/clubs etc to pay for.

We do have appropriate healthcare and it’s a lot better than the medical bankruptcy families face in the US. It’s not perfect but we’re hugely fortunate to have the NHS.

Maybe? I don't dispute that.

I was more side-lined by the middle class distinction and the fact that so many view themselves, or ever viewed themselves, as middle class.

The false definition, when applied to self in error, results in disappointment in not being able to maintain a lifestyle that was never reality.

Like others have said, when they were younger, they didn't expect pastries and expensive clothes and cars every time they went out. That means they weren't raised middle class. As adults, if we are counting the costs of dinners and coffees etc, we aren't middle class. If we have debt, we're not middle class.

Nothing has changed about the class system. Perception on what we thought we had achieved might have shifted because they were false.

Most older generations knew they weren't middle class and didn't spend in the way we spend today.

If your lifestyle is contingent on wages and can't weather inflation, you're not middle class.

Budget, appreciate, be grateful or resentful, accordingly.

Also the fact you need to help your dc with uni costs and then often they cannot afford to leave home.

I think it's more likely due to 20 odd years of socialism (I include the Tories in that). When Blair became PM, the national debt was 36% of GDP. It's 96% now. Trillions picked from people's pockets and spaffed on unproductive stuff like welfare.

It’s not possible with the ageing population though

No it’s Brexit, every economist has acknowledged that.

Clothes can be relatively cheaper than 40 years ago but they also last about like 15% of what they used to. My mum still has some clothes from before I was born! And trainers. That women whisked up perfectly looking leather trainers from like 30 years ago. She would be burned for black magic in times gone by😂
I once bought 150 quid trainers thinking they will last for ages and... They didn't 😒 and that's how "if I buy better it will last" spending idea ended