Loo issue in the office

[Standingupstream]

NC for this..
I work in an office with mainly women. There is one man who is senior to us, although he isn’t our manager, and he only started coming over to our office a few months ago.We only have one loo that we all share, and before he started working in our office, this was never an issue.
Now, about 30 minutes after arriving, he disappears into the loo for ages. When he finally comes out, the smell is absolutely suffocating. There’s no window, in the loo and the air fresheners just seem to make the whole thing even more vomit-inducing.
Then, a couple of hours later, he goes again. And again after lunch. And usually once more in the afternoon. This happens pretty much every time he’s in the office, which is around 3–4 days a week.
It has now become a running joke amongst us. If someone needs the loo and it’s occupied, we ask ( other people ) if it’s him, because we all know there’s absolutely no point even attempting to go in for at least half an hour. 😂
My DH actually uses a different loo at home because I hate a poo-smelling bathroom, but obviously if it happens occasionally I’m not exactly precious about it because he’s my DH. I just find it rather gross being subjected to this at work by a man I barely know. 😂

The problem is, we genuinely don’t know what to do about it. How on earth do you approach a grown man about the fact that his toilet habits are basically fumigating the entire office, without completely humiliating him?!
I actually started to worry if he has some serious stomach issues. That would be actually completely different matter.
How would you approach it? Or should we just leave it. We are becoming very cross about it.

£22 for essential oil is expensive, ViPoo is much cheaper

Honestly I don't see why it's relevant whether it's men or women in the office, or whether it is a man or a woman making the toilet smell. Not sure why OP felt the need to specify. Presumably she thought she'd get a better response on a site that is predominantly used by women by emphasising that it's a nasty smelly man upsetting her delicate female nose. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I very much doubt he shits to a schedule and you clearly have no idea about bowel conditions and urgency.

Get the ventilation fixed.

Get the business to buy a proper odour neutraliser room spray, not just perfume, give it to him and ask him to use it liberally as he leaves the room.

Neutradol works.

So why don’t you use the downstairs toilet?

They can’t. They could be sued if they did.

You cannot force someone with a protected characteristic to do something different to able bodied people. If this man has a long standing bowel condition impacting him in this way he is likely to be covered by the EA. No HR team is going to take the risk just in case.

This is like the old days where there were separate toilets based along racial lines. It’s really unpleasant ableism.

Disabled toilets are there so that disabled people who are unable to use normal toilets can use them. There is no requirement to use them if you are disabled but don’t need the accessibility features and no bar on others using them.

OP’s faux sympathy for the disabled not wanting them to be inconvenienced by 15 women using the toilet throughout the day obviously doesn’t extend to the fact that their toilet will smell unpleasant if the man relocates.

The only answer is to ask work to install adequate ventilation or an odour neutralisation system.

And to stop bullying people for using the toilet as it’s intended to be used just because you think your own shit smells better than theirs. It almost certainly doesn’t!

I think it’s still worth a talk to management - no need to label anyone or mention names. If the disabled toilet can be counted but it’s a slightly annoying distance away and the main toilet is often in use and then seriously smelling, this is a rubbish work toilet situation. I don’t think it sounds workable really. I think all employees here need to be treated with a bit more respect. Basic needs should be met. Lots of people have a certain level of bowel issue and this setup sounds anxiety provoking for some people.

I agree with this. I sometimes feel that I am living in an alternative universe to some posters on Mumsnet. No way should anyone be having to put up with this. If he does have some kind of condition or disability though, I'm not sure there's much you can do.

How do you know he doesn't have a stoma though@Standingupstream ? Even so, I really feel he should be using an alternative loo if there is one. Pooing 4-5 times a day though? I don't think I know anyone who does this...

I agree with the posters saying women should not have to be sharing toilets with men, and the loo that is further away should be for the fewest, which is this man as he is the only one. He can use the loo that is further away from the office.

Do you think he may have started coming over to your office for this reason?

I used to work in a shop and we had 1 loo, probably no more than 5 staff at a time. The manager at that time would go every morning and quite often it wouldn't go down. Grim. I sometimes would get a bucket and chuck water down but eventually we got one of the other blokes to have a word and told him if it happens he needs to clear it and he did but he he wasn't phased by it.

I wouldn't say anything as it's obvious he has some kind of medical condition. If the disabled toilet isn't the closest toilet then it is also possible that the options are either use the office toilet or shit himself.

Are people not embarrassed about leaving a disgusting smell behind when they shit? He must be aware it reeks and that all of his colleagues then have to go and smell it. Why doesn’t he do everything possible to cover the smell? I think it’s really grim - not the act of shitting because yes sure he may have a medical issue but the fact he isn’t covering it.

I don't know how you KNOW he doesn't have a stoma but...if there is another loo downstairs then you can make the downstairs loo for men (put up a sign) and the upstairs one for women (put up a sign).

If his potential medical condition includes urgency, it's possible he wouldn't make it to the toilet further away.

Why should he be the one ostricised to use a different loo?
Apartheid for men!

He could buy post poo drops? The Aesop ones work brilliantly. I worked with a man who did this, he used to retake his newspaper in with him.
There was nothing wrong with him.

What is this man thinking? He is thinking "I need to go, here is the loo". What do you think he is thinking? "Let me stink this place up on purpose"?
This is exactly why so many people are afraid to poop in the workplace. It's a normal bodily function. The issue is structural, not personal and, as a union rep, you surely should be raising it with the employer as a failure to comply with H&S requirements. I am appalled that, as a union rep, you think a male employee doesn't have the right to access the toilet on par with everyone else.
And to the user who said he is supposed to leave the toilet smelling of ross, how is meant to do that if there is insufficient extraction to begin with?

Sorry, but even if he has a condition, that’s no excuse to deliberately go to OP’s office to shit 4 times a day. It sounds like he doesn’t actually work in your office, OP? Why isn’t he using the toilet on the floor/building where he works? Also, why not use a more private toilet if you know you have an issue?

I have IBS and sometimes need to go at work. I deliberately use a more private toilet at the end of the corridor rather than using the main one that everyone else uses. It’s just common social decency.

You use it then. What a nasty post.

Oh come on. There are lots of toilets with a woman sign and a disabled signed on them.

The downstairs loo just needs a man sign and disabled sign. This is the easiest way to deal with this and the most obvious.

"Pooing 4-5 times a day though? I don't think I know anyone who does this..."

Well that must mean it doesn't happen then, @Ved.

There are various conditions that could cause this. My husband had surgery for bowel cancer, most of his large bowel was removed. He now poos much more often than average and 4-5 times in a day would not be unusual for him. If you've never encountered anything like this then you should count yourself lucky.

Just put a sign on the back of the toilet door that says

"Brian, please use the downstairs toilet"

Yep.

4-5 times a day is a good day for my son. For him, he has issues with his small bowel.

OP here’s the link specifying workplace toilet provision https://www.hse.gov.uk/simple-health-safety/workplace-facilities/health-safety.htm
Sounds like they are technically compliant with sufficient toilets since there’s an additional toilet downstairs. There is a ventilation requirement. I suggest you tell hr and/or facilities that there’s inadequate provision unless the disabled toilet is clearly indicated as general use and with so many people using the upstairs toilet you’d prefer it to be female only so would they to label the upstairs toilet female and fix the ventilation and ask for the downstairs toilet to be labelled mixed sex.

I was a senior manager where the one man on site (who was also a manager) was deliberately using the designated ladies toilet and leaving in a disgusting state but my predecessor ignored the women’s discomfort as she didn’t want to deal with it. Fortunately as soon as I started looking at his behaviour evidence of gross misconduct became evident so I was able to dismiss him for other reasons but your senior manager may be well aware he’s making the women on site uncomfortable.

Well why dont you nip downstairs and use it?