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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

158 replies

AutumnLighting · Yesterday 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

OP posts:
GirlFaeMars · Today 04:29

She can shut her curtains.

bottleofpop · Today 04:37

Flashing lights even slow flashing are awful

comeoncolleen · Today 05:00

Modern lights are painfully bright and give me a migraine and keep me awake if opposite my bedroom window. It's a hard thing to live with.

Franjipanl8r · Today 05:00

Surely you need to get on with your neighbour more than you need the lights plus they’re terrible for nocturnal wildlife, particularly bats.

comeoncolleen · Today 05:01

GirlFaeMars · Today 04:29

She can shut her curtains.

It doesn't keep the light out. I had to get wooden shutters with blackout curtains over them.

Millytante · Today 05:03

PashaMinaMio · Yesterday 23:01

I’m your neighbour. I hate garden lights. For starters they are bad for and confuse wildlife.

Pick up on the unspoken protocols and etiquettes of your new neighborhood. Why do you want to upset the apple cart?

IF you absolutely must have the lights, for the sake of harmony, turn them off at (say) 9pm.

Edited

This is the way, the truth, and the light

PerfectPairing · Today 05:11

I would keep your lights up OP. It’s your home and the distance you describe between houses doesn’t sound like they can really causing an impact on her. She sounds like a miserable person who likes to complain.

PhaedraTwo · Today 05:23

I am astonished that 49% think you aren't being unreasonable. You'd be the neighbour from hell as far as I'm concerned.

PhaedraTwo · Today 05:27

Charlottian · Yesterday 23:10

Who doesn’t have their curtains closed at night?
Do you sit there with your curtains open, staring at the house opposite you?

Well no one in my street or the streets around me for starters

PerfectPairing · Today 05:29

PhaedraTwo · Today 05:23

I am astonished that 49% think you aren't being unreasonable. You'd be the neighbour from hell as far as I'm concerned.

It’s her house, she is allowed lights and the houses are set back from the road and some distance away from each other by the sounds of it. It’s unlikely OPs lights are causing an issue. The neighbour also has form for complaining about other things. I don’t think OP is the problem here.

FloridaCheese · Today 05:29

Autumn lights from 1 September is very early. When are you leaving them up until. The clocks haven't even gone back yet. What time do you put them on, like 9pm? Neighbour is probably thinking this is it
now until Xmas. I don't blame them for raising it with you now. Be reasonable. And neighbourly.

BeeDavis · Today 05:32

Tell her it’s none of her business what you put on your house!! People have been putting lights up for years and years, absolutely nothing new. She’d hate living opposite my mum and dad, their house is like Blackpool illuminations every Christmas and everyone in the village always comments on how lovely it looks. People really do love to suck the fun out of life!

PhaedraTwo · Today 05:33

Isittimeformynapyet · Today 01:04

Nor had I, but I just assumed that they are "lights she put up for autumn" and that sufficed for me.

I think some posters asked the question simply to say that lights for autumn are not really a thing, so it's a stupid idea. Which I agree with, although it's a bit disingenuous to pretend you can't work it out.

I'm not thick. Even after reading the thread. I don't know what "autumn lights" are - other tacky, nasty and selfish.

Littlegreywolfcub · Today 05:37

I will come and live opposite you @AutumnLighting as I LOVE seeing lights in the winter months....

DontTheSkyLookPrettyUpHere · Today 05:41

Let them moan OP. Some people aren’t happy without something to moan about and it sounds like she finds a lot to moan about with other neighbours, not just you.

I would try hard to be polite, but if she continues, you might have to be very firm with her. She doesn’t get to tell you how you can decorate your house. End of conversation.

Meadowfinch · Today 05:44

We’re in a conservation area. If you were here, you’d get a letter from the council telling you to take them down.
They are
-antisocial
-light pollution
-disrupt nature

Your poor neighbours. You are being very selfish.

Rollerdicegal · Today 05:44

calflions · Yesterday 23:52

I think it's wasteful of energy that is scarce and expensive enough, bad for nature, bad for your own health and groundedness in the real natural environment. It causes loads of plastic shite to be manufactured, and it is anti social to have lights outside your house all the time and into the evening.

And it just shows you've swallowed a load of marketing bollocks about buying new stuff all the time to decorate with, which is a transparently obvious manoeuvre of late capitalism and makes you look a bit of a dumbass for falling for it, tbh. I would judge you heavily.

We have one culturally accepted shared winter festival in December already, when lights are OK. Go for your life then!

It's like as if you are letting off fireworks randomly every night and expecting people and wildlife to deal with bangs and pops. Or if you're playing audible music all the time and just saying oh well we like the sound of it to come home to.

There's a social contract about not making yourself obtrusive and annoying to neighbours. Just have stuff INSIDE your house. You don't have the right to impose your thoughtless crap on everyone else.

This. I'd judge you too for all reasons listed here.

Think about the fact many people will be thinking this when they walk past your house.

PhaedraTwo · Today 05:47

Rollerdicegal · Today 05:44

This. I'd judge you too for all reasons listed here.

Think about the fact many people will be thinking this when they walk past your house.

Yes. I'd judge OP for all those reasons too.

pilates · Today 05:50

She sounds like a serial moaner. Just ignore.

NolanChanceJustLikeTheWeatherNSoul · Today 05:50

What a waste of electric .

WellConfusedandDazed · Today 05:53

Ignore her. A migraine? What does she do sit and stare at your house? I get migraines and never heard such rubbish. My neighbour directly across the street has a very bright light for his drive and sometimes it stays on in winter for ages. It shines directly in our windows. Guess what, I close the curtains. Telling people what to do with their own house winds me up so much, not to mention the passive aggressive note. You’re not breaking any laws, right? Just ignore her and if she comes back say, Stay in your Lane and Feck off!

ItsNotMeEither · Today 05:56

Do you turn them off at a reasonable hour or do you have them on all night?

I have issues with ambient light, from street lights etc, even little lights inside, like a smoke detector or sensor light can drive me batty. I believe there's even a name for this. Lucky for me, my bedroom is at the back of the house and I put black tape over sensor lights.

I would think, if you like the way they look, keep them up, but turn them off by 9:30 so the neighbours can sleep.

Mapletree1985 · Today 05:56

Turning them off at around 9 pm or when you come home seems reasonable. Even my town turns off the street lights at midnight.

mumumental · Today 06:10

Flashing lights of any speed are beyond unreasonable