AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

[AutumnLighting]

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

What's the point of putting lights up at the front if they bother your neighbours? They are the ones who have to look at them. If you like looking at lights, put them in the back garden. Getting on with your neighbours is far more important than making your house look pretty.

I wouldn’t go and see her. You’re not doing anything wrong, your house sounds like it’s some distance from hers and with the other issues she has found with other neighbours, she sounds like a giant pain in the arse. If she mentions it again, say what your husband said and tell her to look away.

My grandad actually tried this with a neighbour. He also found problems with everything, cats, kids, cars, a one of party, a skip on someone else’s drive, even the colour of someone’s new front door. He was also a giant pain in the arse.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Did someone say ''How chavvy''? No, just - no.

Awful & antisocial. We live in a similar close and have all agreed a lights up date and a lights down date. It’s September!

Stop with flashing lights. If you like them, have them inside your house instead and see how fast you get pissed off with them? I’d hate to be your neighbour! Please tell me you switch them off overnight? You sound like a neighbour from hell to me 😀
Next you’ll be saying you have fireworks in your garden too…

I had no idea until reading this post these type of lights were so detrimental to wildlife.
I have never put up outside lights and I certainly woudn't after reading the articles.

We used to live opposite chronic complainers. They were so annoying and we were very glad when we moved house. I wouldn’t recommend entertaining them OP. You will not please them, they will just be onto the next thing. Ours thought they could tell us and our neighbours how to live our lives, where we could park on a public road, how many dogs we could have and even what time to close our blinds. Thankfully I have never met such a crazy couple since but we have a laugh about them regularly so there is that.

It’s your house, keep your lights.

Yabu who puts lights up in September?

Your poor neighbour :(

I think I’d check with other neighbours and providing everyone else is fine I’d carry on but no bright flashing lights and I’d turn them off by around 9pm for the local wildlife

The vote is split because there is nuance. For me:

"Autumn lights" = unreasonable
Static Christmas lights = reasonable
Flashing Christmas lights (however fast/slow) = v unreasonable.

We had a neighbour (rental) who lit up her back garden like a fairground. Unbelievably tacky. It used to make me feel sick when I went out to the garden at night. Flashing lights are the worst. You might as well put up a sign saying 'Fuck You All.' So antisocial and mindless. It is really bad for wildlife but these people seem to be totally oblivious to that. It's totally pointless as well. Same with astro turf.

I can imagine it looks totally cringe to the people living there or driving by.

Until the sun sets it is still light. I’m talking about when it’s dark, which is when the autumn lights will be on. If they are on during the day time, I agree with pp, it’s a waste of electricity, (but unlikely to be visible at all from across the road).

If your houses are quite far away set back from the road and you presumably have some street lights, she’s really not going to get a migraine from lights on a distant house.

She has proven she’s a moaner with other neighbours. Take no notice and carry on.

Sounds as if she can’t really see them and is just trying to enforce her sense of taste onto you. Perhaps go over and say you want to find a solution. You might find when you get over there that the issue becomes really obvious and you can adjust the placement - or find that she actually can’t see the house at all, unless she’s driving past.

They’ll be used to the neighbours ignoring them then.

You should turn them off because of the wildlife. They’re terrible for moths.

www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20210719-why-light-pollution-is-harming-our-wildlife

Can you put the lights on a timer so they switch off at 9pm or 10pm?

Based on her history, she does sound like a moaner.

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It really depends if this is just about her opinion (which you can ignore), or if it's actually causing migraines/ health issues/ intruding into her life.

I can see how bright or flashing lights that come into your windows would be an issue and very annoying to live with, and having that going on for months is unreasonable.

But a dim, steady glow? I would guess this is more about her opinion about lights than anything else. She doesn't get to say what the street should look like/ what your house should look like - it's not her house and is none of her business.

If her house is genuinely far away enough that the glow of the lights can't possibly be causing her a big issue, then just ignore her.

If it could actually be getting in her window and bothering her then I think you need to listen, especially if you are having these lights up for months at a time rather than just a few weeks.

If it's the bright white lights, then yes they give people migraines. They give me migraines too.
The warm muted white don't bother me.
Multicoloured Christmas flashing lights are lovely so long as they go off for the night. Our neighbour down the street forgets to turn them off sometimes and due to the angle of the houses they go bright dim and flash all night into my bedroom, even with room darkening blinds and I get to endure poor sleep those nights.

I am with her, there's no need to decorate houses in autumn

The only lights that irritate me are those bright white ones and MASSES of them. My neighbours like to outdo each other with these lights and you drive into the close with your retinas burning. I wouldn’t complain though. Just ignore your neighbour, she sounds a pain.

Leaving aside the horrible affect on the wildlife for the moment, this is the best response. You have no idea what it looks like for her. As others said, this affects her much more than you as you can’t see the front of your own house from inside.

And honestly, flashing lights are the absolute worst. They trigger my migraines and are so dangerous during Christmas when I’m driving around and keep seeing fluttering out the corner of my eyes. I don’t mind my neighbours having static ones (yes, assuming they go off before 9ish), but I’d have to ask any of my neighbours to stop any flashing. Thankfully they’re lovely people and it wouldn’t occur to them to simulate an ambulance outside my house every night.

YABU @AutumnLighting. I don’t like wreaths and garlands at any other time than Christmas - I think it’s tacky and so American. I bet you have a giant bow on your front door?

Also having spring/easter/summer/autumn wreaths and garlands makes Christmas ones feel less special

We put up a wreath and heather in pots in autumn. Looks nice. Pumpkins at Halloween.
No lights