AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

[AutumnLighting]

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Well, op has made it clear that they’re different from her Christmas lights, so it’s a reasonable question?

I’d hate to be one of your neighbours. Hang your lights where only you can see and get enjoyment from them, them, don’t inflict them on others, it’s not just about you, so not fair on your neighbours.

Take the ones at the front of the drive down. She may be getting migraines but most likely thinks they’re bringing the street down.
If she has any further requests then you know that you have a busybody on your hands so next time tell her that you are not interested.

Sounds awful and you sound quite selfish. Poor neighbour.

I too am only here to discover what “Autumn lights” are. Is this Halloween lighting? Or is it a separate thing? I obviously don’t spend enough time on TikTok

OP, you seem to be unaware of how damaging this is to the local nature. Others have mentioned it but not in much detail. Could I encourage you to read up a little on it, for example here.
https://www.rhs.org.uk/wildlife/garden-lighting-effects-on-wildlife

Some people, you included, find lights like this lift your spirits. Many other people, me included, find local wildlife, including moths and bats, really lifts their spirits and provides a highlight to their day. They therefore find light pollution,pollution, because it spills out and affects many others outside of your household, really upsetting.

And others, as mentioned, get migranes from it.

Your choice to make yourself happy for the minute or so as you arrive home, will make other people miserable as they pass. For perfectly valid reasons, not because they are killjoys. And those are just the people who pass. Those who live opposite get far more of it all, even than you do.

Leave them up OP, they sound lovely to come home to and you can see them from inside your own house. You have said she can hardly see them so she’s just being a cheeky and miserable fucker. Your husbands response of telling her not to look is perfect. Other than that ignore them.

We put lights up in another few weeks and then decorate for Halloween. 🍂 🎃

Lights now in late summer/early autumn just why,,,? When did this become a thing? Unfortunately we also have a neighbour like this constantly puts up lights/solar lights/tat/landfill bound crap up all year round. The whole thing is irritating, lights up directly into our windows and since they have moved and put in god knows how many solar lights in our regular (for 25 years) owls have gone as they hate the lights. We loved the owls. Neighbour has single handedly wrecked their habitat with these lights.

So she can’t see them unless she goes and looks from her drive and they don’t flash.

That really needed to be in the OP as you’re getting a bunch of batshit, irrelevant, and/or troll responses. I’d either ignore or let your husband handle it. She can’t control what decorations you put on your house. Usually controlling neighbours get a bollocking on here but MN hates holiday decorations so you’re running into that too. 😂

When we lived in Copenhagen it was common to have your front Xmas lights on till mid February ( but they only went up early December) it was actually rather cheery and Xmas lights in trees in the city often stayed up till then too - September is bonkers! And flashing ones no doubt incredibly annoying

Ignore her completely. 100% never engage with them on the subject again and try to avoid them in future.

Op is selectively picking posts to reply. Without seeing the lights no one can really advise but if your neighbour has found them migraine inducing then you must have gone overboard.

I’m sorry but you sound like the most horrid neighbour.

Get over yourselves, grow up and limit your retarded lights to the two week Christmas holiday.

Ask the neighbour to show you, from her house's perspective, which lights she finds bothersome. Go and have a look with her from her perspective. Get her to show you and please be open to the fact that your neighbours spend more time being exposed to lights you put outside your house than you do and that listening to each other and compromising is going to make life better for everyone. Being on good terms with neighbours is nothing to be sniffed at.

THIS PLEASE STOP WITH THIS CRAP/TAT

I think it depends on type of lights.

I like when people have a few dimly lit fairy lights on trees, across walls/fences. But anything bright (especially brighter than a street lamp) which attracts attention is a bit much.

We have a neighbour who has done similar, except they are solar powered (with a storage battery) and wrapped around every bush, tree, trellis and garden structure imaginable. As a result, we can no longer see the stars, can't sit out in the evening and enjoy the dark, there's bright lights shining in all of the adjacent windows all night long, the bats no longer fly over and the annoying thing? The neighbours mostly live on the other side of the house, so don't benefit from them in any form other than to inflict unnecessary light pollution on others. Why go out of your way to be annoying OP? Life's too short to be a dick.

No, people are not “thick” as you choose to describe them, some of us don’t know what autumn lights are. What a rude response expecting everyone on this forum to know what autumn lights are, personally I’ve never heard of them.

That's lovely 😊 I also like looking at the twinkly lights people put up. They cheer me up and make a dark street look lovely.

What? Who uses that word these days?
You seem so lovely and grounded.

Hey OP! I do feel sorry for your neighbour. Have you ever had migraines? They are literally crushing for those who experience them. Fairy lights are a common trigger now they’re LED. Some LEDs even flicker at such a fast rate the eye can’t distinguish that but the brain can which causes immense sensory overload and sickness / nausea for some. Do do some research into it and it might cause you to have more empathy/understanding with where she is coming from. Her reaction today will be tied to having to endure them last winter after you moved in and the crushing disappointment for her that these will be four months of this. Believe me it is awful. White lights can trigger it owing to their brightness, and particularly the contrast in winter, of course flashing or phase mode too. Selecting the button to 7 or 8 solves this. The other thing is the affect this has on wildlife which really isn’t good. We’re in london and have owls here! But when the lights are up in winter those creatures choose somewhere else. I would really not get on your high horse about this and do a bit of research into fairy lights and migraines, as well as the nature element, and see how you feel after that. I adore old fashioned fairy lights!!! The soft ones! But they are few and far between these days. Hope it works out well with the neighbour.

Agree. OP, you're being a selfish arse about this. Beginning of September. Jesus.

I’ve never heard of them as a decorative tradition either. But the phrase ‘autumn lights’ is self explanatory, surely?

Oh the irony of you calling someone horrid and then using that word.

Of course it is, people are just being arses.