AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

[AutumnLighting]

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Edited by MNHQ to add a Cancel The Cheque Klaxon: this thread has moved on quite a lot so it's worth reading through all the OP's posts before replying

No, don’t take the lights down! Or turn off the flash setting which the lights don’t have. Or re-home the non-existent cat. The only catalyst for nastiness here is the skin colour of the op’s family. What do you propose she should do about that?

Just read your update and I think all 5 houses should have the brightest flashiest lights and Christmas scenes going on in the gardens starting on 1st November complete with Nutcracker music and trains that weave in and out of the decorations and do a Chu Chu sound every circuit.
Do it for charity to get lots of people to do drive bys with their children and put the charity boxes at the end of the garden and when some one puts money in it gives a round of applause and Christmas Elvis saying “Thank you very much”

Utter F*ckers

Although I would start with Halloween

Ghouls and ghosts, spiders, witches, cobwebs, broomsticks and plenty of pumpkins and a disembodied maniacal laugh every so often

Same, the people who did it to us were in their early twenties with proper jobs.

I really hope your husband reconsiders and this is reported. Not least because they sound absolutely unhinged so it would be good to get all of that lodged with the police - and yes, because racism is completely unacceptable and your children should see that you are willing to take a stand and not just accept that this is how the world is for non-white people.

If you don't report it, then you - and everyone in your street - is just accepting the very poor behaviour of one household. Please don't.

Maybe the OP put up the lights to be helpful to her neighbour so that they could make sure that they could see the OP’s husband coming and going in the dusk in case they wanted to shout some racist names at him.

She could work all day and all night to ‘be a good neighbour’ and it would not make one tiny difference. She could strangle her invisible cat and take a hammer to her cars lights and they still wouldn’t behave themselves.

I’m not a lights person but I’d put some up for you and your family.

Having RTFT, people can have lights up whenever they want whether it's a thing in this country or not, it is autumn, it's September, and OP's neighbours are racist bastards who make me protective of OP's husband, a complete stranger. This might be because my own brother is BAME. Please report them, OP.

Sounds like they complain about anything and everything.

I'd be sympathetic if you feel you have to talk to them about it (I wouldn't personally), and only concede that you'll ensure you don't use flashing lights. Suggest they grow their hedge a bit higher to ensure the sightline of your house from theirs remains limited. Don't concede on anything else, just nod and say you'll think about it.

My neighbours have had lights up in their garden all summer. I just thought it was pretty.

I am absolutely with you @AutumnLighting, your dh needs to report their behaviour to the police. How would he feel if it had been your children they abused?!

In anger I would be tempted to put the most garish tacky flashy lights up I could find, but don't escalate it, your compromise of the static lights is more than they deserve. But maybe hunt out one of those mlbattery operated santa toys from the 90's that pulled their trousers down and mooned people...maybe record it and project it onto the fron of your house for good measure

Wow!

I would invest into the brightest most colourful and most flashing lights ever.

what horrible people

Read the full fecking thread 🙄😡

I simply can't understand why you'd do this. Your neighbours don't like the lights - you do. But it's only your neighbours who get to fully see them - you don't. So why would you be so mean?

Blimey what an update! Holy cow!

Please report via 101 OP. Straightforward facts and honest details, no need for added drama.

This can escalate horribly and needs nipping in the bud. Awful behaviour like this really must be allowed - full stop - and must not continue.

This thread is six hundred and thirty eight messages long now. Do you really think you can blunder in and say anything new if the thread has not moved on at all since the first message.

It is best to assume that on a thread of six hundred and thirty eight messages, that there might just be some other information that you should look at first before posting.

Outdoor lights are bad for wildlife. Lots of night animals get confused. They’ve been linked to a big decline in moths, which then has a knock on effect on the animals that eat them

Christ on a bike, their racism and entitlement is off the scale. Your house, your lights, keep them on!

I simply can't understand why you'd post your input on a pages long thread without reading op's updates as a minimum but here we are.

May all of your 'problems' with your neighbours be of the same variety! You must live in a very genteel neighbourhood. I am jealous - our neighbours' trampoline was not securely fastened and in gale winds a couple of years ago it was lifted and flew into our garden, where it proceeded to bounce off our trees, our bird cage, and the fence, finally blowing into the garden gate, ripping it off and knocking the fence off with it. They never offered to fix it or remedy it in any way. As I say, may all of your 'problems' with neighbours be of the same variety!

Racism and harassment! I really feel for you. It's good other neighbours are on side.

I'd definitely report.

No need for this u deffo need to report them to the police that's a hate crime !!
What horrible people u live near !!!
Hope your all ok 🙏 x

Being harassed and racist slurs shouted at them is hardly minor.

These neighbours racially abused her husband and you’re going on about a trampoline.

Flashing, or dimming or those horrible trickling icicle lights do my head in. And in general, dark is meant to be dark. Two weeks at Christmas is more than enough.
I like wreaths on doors though.

How absolutely disgusting, I'm so sorry OP. My DH is also not white and our son is mixed heritage. So tricky if he doesn't want to go to the police himself but I'd really encourage him to do so and sounds like you at least have the support of your other neighbours (not that you need it for the police issue but I understand your DH is trying to brush it off and may be concerned about things escalating in the street). They sound absolutely vile.

Also who reverses out of their driveway??? Hope you get some nice bright flashing lights now. But really I'd like to hear the police have been round to them especially with the ring footage. How disgusting they felt emboldened to speak to your DH like that.