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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

634 replies

AutumnLighting · Yesterday 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Edited by MNHQ to add a Cancel The Cheque Klaxon: this thread has moved on quite a lot so it's worth reading through all the OP's posts before replying

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · Today 12:22

WellConfusedandDazed · Today 12:14

You don’t get migraines from a few white lights being on. Absolute BS. Yes maybe extreme flashing for extended times. As the OP explained her house isn’t even that visible from her complainy neighbor and who on earth stares at house lights if they know they might cause a headache. It’s completely obvious her neighbor just doesn’t like them and is coming up with any excuse to make her take them down.

Maybe it takes extended extreme flashing for you. Well bully for you.
You clearly know nothing at all about the range of things that trigger it for everyone else.
For me it really doesn’t take a long period of flashing and bright LEDs can trigger it without detectable flashing at all. There’s a new charity/campaign group called Light Aware that’s been set up partly to educate people about this because there’s a lot of ignorance about it. As you are helpfully demonstrating.

I’m sceptical about this particular neighbour because she’s crying wolf about a number of other issues, but please don’t spread misinformation about migraine triggers in general.

maudelovesharold · Today 12:22

Mischance · Today 12:17

I think you need to work a bit harder at being a good neighbour and considering the feelings of others.

The lights are wholly unnecessary but are causing a nuisance to your neighbour, so take them down.

Seriously? Still? Do some people really only read the first post of a 24 page thread?
I hope your first paragraph was aimed at the OP’s neighbours?

WiltonGal · Today 12:23

You should report them to the police to get a record going. They are only objecting because of the race issue. They will escalate if you don’t put a marker down. They are not suddenly going to become nice if you don’t put lights on, have no visitors, or drive your car how they want you to. They will simply find something else. They are not going to stop. But you have at a very early point à recording of them being unreasonable, unpleasant, untrue and racist. You need to report them, however stressful. They will always be stressful but at least you have them on record for their motivation.

Whosthetabbynow · Today 12:23

It’s a bit early. Some people might find it a bit tacky and wonder what outlandish display is coming at Christmas. I wouldn’t mind. I like tacky.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · Today 12:27

columnatedruinsdomino · Yesterday 23:11

lol at autumn! Kids are still on summer hols, don’t wish your life away!

It is autumn, it's September.

Fortheloveoffrogs · Today 12:27

Mischance · Today 12:17

I think you need to work a bit harder at being a good neighbour and considering the feelings of others.

The lights are wholly unnecessary but are causing a nuisance to your neighbour, so take them down.

Despite the MNHQ edit in the first post you have still managed to respond inappropriately rather than ‘see all’ to get the updates.

WellConfusedandDazed · Today 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CatLady199 · Today 12:32

WellConfusedandDazed · Today 12:14

You don’t get migraines from a few white lights being on. Absolute BS. Yes maybe extreme flashing for extended times. As the OP explained her house isn’t even that visible from her complainy neighbor and who on earth stares at house lights if they know they might cause a headache. It’s completely obvious her neighbor just doesn’t like them and is coming up with any excuse to make her take them down.

The neighbour isn't even looking for an excuse to take the lights down. The neighbour doesn't get migraines from the lights. It's all about exerting control.

Chaotica · Today 12:32

AutumnLighting · Today 09:21

They’ve been back and it went worse than expected. Some people really are nasty fucks.

They said before they talk about the lights, we need to start keeping our cat inside because it’s using their garden as a toilet. We don’t have a cat and told them that. We have never had a cat.

Next was that we need to not drive out of our driveway at night, but reverse due to the headlights. We are allowed to drive out in daytime. Obviously I said no and that they can’t control what we do.

Next it was unknown cars coming to our house when it’s dark. It needs to stop because they’re unable to sleep. The only ‘unknown’ cars that come here are our friends and family, mostly in the daytime. Obviously I said we can have who we like at our house at any time, day or night. We very rarely have any visitors coming and going late at night.

My husband joined us at this point. They have spoken to him before, in English. They heard him ask me if I was ok, in English, when he joined us. My husband is British, born here, but he isn’t white. They asked him if he spoke English. 🤔 He stayed polite and told them that his English was as good as theirs being as he had lived here his whole life.

They said the current lights need to be removed and we can’t have lights at Xmas. My husband asked what the issue was and they said the flashing. My husband said the current lights that are up do not flash and there is no flash option. The called him a liar. He invited them to come and look at them in the garage to prove it to them but they refused. My husband said that we will make sure the lights at Xmas (which are warm white for those asking) will be on the static setting. They said no, we need to not have them at all. My husband said we will have the lights on our house because it is our house. The man then called my husband a fucking <racial slur> and told him to ‘go home’. My husband said would you like the opportunity to apologise for your racist comments and they said no and walked off. This is all captured on camera.

Our son thinks we should go to the police but my husband said just leave it and unfortunately he has dealt with worse racism, which I know he has as I’ve been with him when he has received it. I’m really fucking angry. He’s quiet.

We have spoken to the couple next door as they text when they heard the neighbours shouting at us, to ask if we were ok. I’ve explained what has happened which was awkward as they are both British but from the same heritage as my husband. This couple have actually done a few jobs to help the racist couple out but said they won’t be doing that again. They are also going to tell the couple next to them about the racism as they are also non white although different heritage.

They are racist bastards and we won’t be talking to them again. So that’s us and at least 2, possibly 3 sets of neighbours who don’t like them because of their moaning and now racist comments.

I’ve asked my husband to please consider reporting this with the footage we have. Our children are also not white and I feel it’s important to show them that we will not accept this for them even if my husband can brush it aside.

We have joked that we’ll be having our lights on the fastest flashing setting we can find this Christmas. Our next door neighbours have said they’ll put lights up from now on. I don’t know if they will but it was nice of them to show their support.

Report. That's appalling, OP. I'm so glad that your other neighbours are on side.

There have been some recent cases near us of this type of behaviour which I know about because the police have taken it seriously. Your DH and DC (and neighbours) have the right to live peacefully without this kind of abuse.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · Today 12:39

That update is mental. Fuck em now.

StrongTea · Today 12:40

Report it, they are a pair of racist bullies. If you give in to these type of people they will continue with even more unreasonable demands.

Fastfastfastsuper · Today 12:42

Another vote to report the racism to the police. Don't let racists get away with it, it's disgusting behaviour.

FairKoala · Today 12:43

It doesn’t go dark till 9pm so why on earth have lights up

It’s not autumn, it is still summer. Still going out in sleeveless tops even at night.

Why have lights at all. Surely you know where your driveway is by now

MeetMeOnTheCorner · Today 12:43

I’d still take the lights down though. It’s been a catalyst for nastiness. Too bad about everything else. Maybe do a back garden lighting scheme?

purplecorkheart · Today 12:43

Please report the Racism to the Police. That is awful behaviour.

ChillWith · Today 12:46

I wonder if they were the reason the previous owners moved?

Itsthewoluff · Today 12:47

Stick to your guns op.

DorsetTea · Today 12:47

If you are planning on staying there for a long time I would report this. If it escalates it would be beneficial to have something on record. Also as you say it it’s important to make a stand in front of your children.

StormGazing · Today 12:49

Wow that update is horrendous!! Please do twist your DH to at least log it with the police, then if it happens again, or similar, or any shenanigans then they’ll know it’s the second incident. Good luck and if you get a
chance tell the racist duckers to get black out blinds and stop trying to rule the road - bastards!

PinkMagpie · Today 12:53

Please do report this to the police OP. These people are nasty bullies and you need to let them know how unacceptably they have behaved. Also it is good to have a police record of it if their behaviour escalates or they decide to report you

Perigold · Today 12:55

I think you should pipe down

Did you know the word 'gullible' is not in the dictionary?

godmum56 · Today 12:57

Thindog · Today 11:12

Are these appalling neighbour’s elderly with nothing else to do but harass you? They must be disturbed, unhappy, and angry people to behave like that. So your best revenge against them is to be happy yourselves.
Personally I hate lights because they are ecologically awful, upsetting the lifelcycles of insects and wildlife and using resources unnecessarily m. But the lights aren’t the real issue here, the paranoia and racism is.

lay off rhe elderly please. The peopl who harassed me so badly that I got the police involved were half my age.

godmum56 · Today 12:57

MeetMeOnTheCorner · Today 12:43

I’d still take the lights down though. It’s been a catalyst for nastiness. Too bad about everything else. Maybe do a back garden lighting scheme?

I bloody would not

godmum56 · Today 12:58

FairKoala · Today 12:43

It doesn’t go dark till 9pm so why on earth have lights up

It’s not autumn, it is still summer. Still going out in sleeveless tops even at night.

Why have lights at all. Surely you know where your driveway is by now

well in my case its because its my house and garden and I like the lights.

Whatisthisperihell · Today 12:58

I can't wait to see all the lights you and nice neighbours put up at Christmas! I'm sure you can find some musical ones. You could publicise your well decorated road so lots of people drive around your road with bright head lights. They sound like nasty tuckers I'm glad nice neighbours are supportive.

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