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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

618 replies

AutumnLighting · Yesterday 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Edited by MNHQ to add a Cancel The Cheque Klaxon: this thread has moved on quite a lot so it's worth reading through all the OP's posts before replying

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Sortingmyself · Today 11:53

pusspuss9 · Today 09:22

me too. plus a 20' cock and balls phoenix nights styleeeee

oooh, you're so cool aren't you!!

aww thanks. Yeah I am. 😎

Soitshoteh · Today 11:54

AutumnLighting · Today 09:21

They’ve been back and it went worse than expected. Some people really are nasty fucks.

They said before they talk about the lights, we need to start keeping our cat inside because it’s using their garden as a toilet. We don’t have a cat and told them that. We have never had a cat.

Next was that we need to not drive out of our driveway at night, but reverse due to the headlights. We are allowed to drive out in daytime. Obviously I said no and that they can’t control what we do.

Next it was unknown cars coming to our house when it’s dark. It needs to stop because they’re unable to sleep. The only ‘unknown’ cars that come here are our friends and family, mostly in the daytime. Obviously I said we can have who we like at our house at any time, day or night. We very rarely have any visitors coming and going late at night.

My husband joined us at this point. They have spoken to him before, in English. They heard him ask me if I was ok, in English, when he joined us. My husband is British, born here, but he isn’t white. They asked him if he spoke English. 🤔 He stayed polite and told them that his English was as good as theirs being as he had lived here his whole life.

They said the current lights need to be removed and we can’t have lights at Xmas. My husband asked what the issue was and they said the flashing. My husband said the current lights that are up do not flash and there is no flash option. The called him a liar. He invited them to come and look at them in the garage to prove it to them but they refused. My husband said that we will make sure the lights at Xmas (which are warm white for those asking) will be on the static setting. They said no, we need to not have them at all. My husband said we will have the lights on our house because it is our house. The man then called my husband a fucking <racial slur> and told him to ‘go home’. My husband said would you like the opportunity to apologise for your racist comments and they said no and walked off. This is all captured on camera.

Our son thinks we should go to the police but my husband said just leave it and unfortunately he has dealt with worse racism, which I know he has as I’ve been with him when he has received it. I’m really fucking angry. He’s quiet.

We have spoken to the couple next door as they text when they heard the neighbours shouting at us, to ask if we were ok. I’ve explained what has happened which was awkward as they are both British but from the same heritage as my husband. This couple have actually done a few jobs to help the racist couple out but said they won’t be doing that again. They are also going to tell the couple next to them about the racism as they are also non white although different heritage.

They are racist bastards and we won’t be talking to them again. So that’s us and at least 2, possibly 3 sets of neighbours who don’t like them because of their moaning and now racist comments.

I’ve asked my husband to please consider reporting this with the footage we have. Our children are also not white and I feel it’s important to show them that we will not accept this for them even if my husband can brush it aside.

We have joked that we’ll be having our lights on the fastest flashing setting we can find this Christmas. Our next door neighbours have said they’ll put lights up from now on. I don’t know if they will but it was nice of them to show their support.

Oh you absolutely must make your house into the brightest most spectacular lyndecorated sight this Christmas

Perigold · Today 11:57

Well there you go for all the pearl clutchers on the thread. You're supporting racist, controlling lunatics

Yeah, so much racism that you'd have thought that would have been more worthy of a thread than autumn lights. But op chose the lights as the complaint.
Funny that.

Thisposthasbeendeleted · Today 11:58

Soitshoteh · Today 11:54

Oh you absolutely must make your house into the brightest most spectacular lyndecorated sight this Christmas

Something like this?

AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?
WildlyInappropriate · Today 12:00

Perigold · Today 11:57

Well there you go for all the pearl clutchers on the thread. You're supporting racist, controlling lunatics

Yeah, so much racism that you'd have thought that would have been more worthy of a thread than autumn lights. But op chose the lights as the complaint.
Funny that.

Well the OP started the thread yesterday, when it was apparently only about the lights according to the neighbours, and was only treated to the racist tirade and spurious other complaints at 9am today, so there’s no inconsistency there. You, on the other hand, are trying to excuse demonstrable racism, so I think you should pipe down.

PhaedraTwo · Today 12:01

Perigold · Today 11:57

Well there you go for all the pearl clutchers on the thread. You're supporting racist, controlling lunatics

Yeah, so much racism that you'd have thought that would have been more worthy of a thread than autumn lights. But op chose the lights as the complaint.
Funny that.

Yes odd that was only mentioned so late. It is of course possible that the neighbours are racist and the OP is also an awful neighbour with her twinkly "autumnal lights"

Sortingmyself · Today 12:02

Perigold · Today 11:57

Well there you go for all the pearl clutchers on the thread. You're supporting racist, controlling lunatics

Yeah, so much racism that you'd have thought that would have been more worthy of a thread than autumn lights. But op chose the lights as the complaint.
Funny that.

The racism didn't make itself known until after the OP had created the thread though...

OP, I think you should report this to the Police because as others have said, they sound unhinged enough to start their own vendetta against you and will make up shit so probably wise you report first. How horrible for you all. 😔

bissom · Today 12:07

Simple - be a good neighbour - turn them off

Fortheloveoffrogs · Today 12:08

AutumnLighting · Today 09:21

They’ve been back and it went worse than expected. Some people really are nasty fucks.

They said before they talk about the lights, we need to start keeping our cat inside because it’s using their garden as a toilet. We don’t have a cat and told them that. We have never had a cat.

Next was that we need to not drive out of our driveway at night, but reverse due to the headlights. We are allowed to drive out in daytime. Obviously I said no and that they can’t control what we do.

Next it was unknown cars coming to our house when it’s dark. It needs to stop because they’re unable to sleep. The only ‘unknown’ cars that come here are our friends and family, mostly in the daytime. Obviously I said we can have who we like at our house at any time, day or night. We very rarely have any visitors coming and going late at night.

My husband joined us at this point. They have spoken to him before, in English. They heard him ask me if I was ok, in English, when he joined us. My husband is British, born here, but he isn’t white. They asked him if he spoke English. 🤔 He stayed polite and told them that his English was as good as theirs being as he had lived here his whole life.

They said the current lights need to be removed and we can’t have lights at Xmas. My husband asked what the issue was and they said the flashing. My husband said the current lights that are up do not flash and there is no flash option. The called him a liar. He invited them to come and look at them in the garage to prove it to them but they refused. My husband said that we will make sure the lights at Xmas (which are warm white for those asking) will be on the static setting. They said no, we need to not have them at all. My husband said we will have the lights on our house because it is our house. The man then called my husband a fucking <racial slur> and told him to ‘go home’. My husband said would you like the opportunity to apologise for your racist comments and they said no and walked off. This is all captured on camera.

Our son thinks we should go to the police but my husband said just leave it and unfortunately he has dealt with worse racism, which I know he has as I’ve been with him when he has received it. I’m really fucking angry. He’s quiet.

We have spoken to the couple next door as they text when they heard the neighbours shouting at us, to ask if we were ok. I’ve explained what has happened which was awkward as they are both British but from the same heritage as my husband. This couple have actually done a few jobs to help the racist couple out but said they won’t be doing that again. They are also going to tell the couple next to them about the racism as they are also non white although different heritage.

They are racist bastards and we won’t be talking to them again. So that’s us and at least 2, possibly 3 sets of neighbours who don’t like them because of their moaning and now racist comments.

I’ve asked my husband to please consider reporting this with the footage we have. Our children are also not white and I feel it’s important to show them that we will not accept this for them even if my husband can brush it aside.

We have joked that we’ll be having our lights on the fastest flashing setting we can find this Christmas. Our next door neighbours have said they’ll put lights up from now on. I don’t know if they will but it was nice of them to show their support.

I’m so sorry but also pleased for you in a way. This couple have very quickly shown their true colours. There was no nicey nicey pretence. As a result they have also shown their true colours to other neighbours and as a result you now have a community around you that will support you as you deal with these racist twunts. I’m so glad you stood up for yourself with such dignity. You hold the high ground.

I think if you feel that you can log it with the police you should consider it. Even if you ask for no action, it will be logged and so will form part of the statistics and help to show that racism is (I believe) in the rise. It also logs it in case they up the ante. But it’s your choice of course.

I like subtle lights at Christmas and really don’t like this American inspired all out front of house decor, however, I am 100% in support if you getting together all the neighbours that are on side and clubbing together to really go all out. Put out a donations box to collect for charity and then joyfully watch as loads of randoms come to look at the OTT lights. And keep them up from Sept 1st to end of March!!! Actually that’s probably bad ad advice but such a fun fantasy!

moonraker0 · Today 12:09

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · Today 10:54

Flashing lights are AWFUL at any time of year!! You are not the ones putting up with them are you…it’s everyone else! In fact, any lights at all outside your house are not for your benefit…you only see them when you drive or walk towards your house. It’s your poor neighbours who get the full ‘majesty’ of those lights, reflecting and/or flashing into their window!

Don’t be ‘this neighbour’…especially on the first of fucking September!! Who even does this?? Autumn?? It’s still 22 degrees outside ffs! 🤦‍♀️ I’m wearing shorts!

They don’t flash. OP has said this already in case you missed it.

LifeAirport · Today 12:10

CatVDog · Today 11:09

Or they have read it but quite enjoying saying they agree with the neighbour and then pretending they hadn’t seen the update. They get to be racist and get away with it. Seen it before from usernames who are racist.

Yes. I am recognising a few names here whose comments don’t surprise me, esp towards the end of this thread.

CatLady199 · Today 12:10

bissom · Today 12:07

Simple - be a good neighbour - turn them off

Or
Simple. Be a good neighbour and don't be a racist 🙄

Fortheloveoffrogs · Today 12:10

bissom · Today 12:07

Simple - be a good neighbour - turn them off

OMG!! Despite the warning from MNHQ to read all the responses you have still managed to not and post something both unhelpful and stupid!

ChocolateBiscuitsandaCuppa · Today 12:10

Please do report them to the police for their racism. You have it recorded.

CatLady199 · Today 12:11

moonraker0 · Today 12:09

They don’t flash. OP has said this already in case you missed it.

Obviously they missed the update too 😬

Fortheloveoffrogs · Today 12:13

Thisposthasbeendeleted · Today 11:58

Something like this?

Yes!!!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!!

WellConfusedandDazed · Today 12:14

Isittimeformynapyet · Today 10:51

I get migraines and never heard such rubbish.

Thankfully I don't get migraines, but I have heard of it. How about that?

You don’t get migraines from a few white lights being on. Absolute BS. Yes maybe extreme flashing for extended times. As the OP explained her house isn’t even that visible from her complainy neighbor and who on earth stares at house lights if they know they might cause a headache. It’s completely obvious her neighbor just doesn’t like them and is coming up with any excuse to make her take them down.

maudelovesharold · Today 12:14

PhaedraTwo · Today 12:01

Yes odd that was only mentioned so late. It is of course possible that the neighbours are racist and the OP is also an awful neighbour with her twinkly "autumnal lights"

a) They’re not twinkly, they’re static.
b) The racism was ‘mentioned so late’ because the neighbours only revealed themselves as racists to the op and her dh at sometime around 9 o’clock this morning. As anyone who has bothered to read even just the op’s posts would have been aware. (Handy hint - click the ‘see all’ option on the bottom right corner of any of the OP posts).

Strawberrydelight78 · Today 12:15

I had to completely block off the window at the top of our stairs. The people out the back of us put strobe effect Christmas lights up. My daughter has epilepsy so if they were on she would have a seizure each time she went upstairs or just walking past the window from her room to go to the toilet. One time when she got up in the night to go to the toilet she fell right from the top of the stairs to the bottom. I explained to them what was happening but they wouldn’t take them down. I wish they would ban the dam things.

pestowithwalnuts · Today 12:15

ExOptimist · Yesterday 23:01

Why on earth do you want lights up on 1st September? I'd hate to be your neighbour, presumably you're intending to have lights up for over 4 months? It's so anti social.

If you like lights why don't you put them in your back garden so only you see them, instead of inflicting them on others. It's acceptable to have lights in the Christmas season but not otherwise.

It's all a bit chavy

Spirallingdownwards · Today 12:16

anyolddinosaur · Today 09:21

Why antagonise your neighbours over something you dont even see? If you want lights when you come home get some stake lights around your drive.

Perhaps you should have read at least the OP's responses before posting?

Mischance · Today 12:17

I think you need to work a bit harder at being a good neighbour and considering the feelings of others.

The lights are wholly unnecessary but are causing a nuisance to your neighbour, so take them down.

Cajanz · Today 12:18

I am sorry you had to put up with such awful racist behaviour. What horrible people they must be 😡

SimplyMaidSimplyTasty · Today 12:20

AutumnLighting · Today 09:21

They’ve been back and it went worse than expected. Some people really are nasty fucks.

They said before they talk about the lights, we need to start keeping our cat inside because it’s using their garden as a toilet. We don’t have a cat and told them that. We have never had a cat.

Next was that we need to not drive out of our driveway at night, but reverse due to the headlights. We are allowed to drive out in daytime. Obviously I said no and that they can’t control what we do.

Next it was unknown cars coming to our house when it’s dark. It needs to stop because they’re unable to sleep. The only ‘unknown’ cars that come here are our friends and family, mostly in the daytime. Obviously I said we can have who we like at our house at any time, day or night. We very rarely have any visitors coming and going late at night.

My husband joined us at this point. They have spoken to him before, in English. They heard him ask me if I was ok, in English, when he joined us. My husband is British, born here, but he isn’t white. They asked him if he spoke English. 🤔 He stayed polite and told them that his English was as good as theirs being as he had lived here his whole life.

They said the current lights need to be removed and we can’t have lights at Xmas. My husband asked what the issue was and they said the flashing. My husband said the current lights that are up do not flash and there is no flash option. The called him a liar. He invited them to come and look at them in the garage to prove it to them but they refused. My husband said that we will make sure the lights at Xmas (which are warm white for those asking) will be on the static setting. They said no, we need to not have them at all. My husband said we will have the lights on our house because it is our house. The man then called my husband a fucking <racial slur> and told him to ‘go home’. My husband said would you like the opportunity to apologise for your racist comments and they said no and walked off. This is all captured on camera.

Our son thinks we should go to the police but my husband said just leave it and unfortunately he has dealt with worse racism, which I know he has as I’ve been with him when he has received it. I’m really fucking angry. He’s quiet.

We have spoken to the couple next door as they text when they heard the neighbours shouting at us, to ask if we were ok. I’ve explained what has happened which was awkward as they are both British but from the same heritage as my husband. This couple have actually done a few jobs to help the racist couple out but said they won’t be doing that again. They are also going to tell the couple next to them about the racism as they are also non white although different heritage.

They are racist bastards and we won’t be talking to them again. So that’s us and at least 2, possibly 3 sets of neighbours who don’t like them because of their moaning and now racist comments.

I’ve asked my husband to please consider reporting this with the footage we have. Our children are also not white and I feel it’s important to show them that we will not accept this for them even if my husband can brush it aside.

We have joked that we’ll be having our lights on the fastest flashing setting we can find this Christmas. Our next door neighbours have said they’ll put lights up from now on. I don’t know if they will but it was nice of them to show their support.

That is appalling, OP, and throws a whole new light on the matter (pun intended).
I agree with you that you should report the neighbours' hateful speech to the police. You should not be subjected to that sort of abuse.

Member984815 · Today 12:21

I think I'd want it on record that they racially abused your husband, my sister had a terrible experience with a racist neighbour , he made their life hell also told to go home , disgusting. They sold in the end because it got so distressing and she worried for her little children. Even if nothing comes of reporting them at least if it gets worse it's there on the footage